


Guardian Angel

by ZombiePrincess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Archangels, Blood, Death, Demons, F/M, Fluff, Gore, Hunters, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-10 09:23:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 62
Words: 57,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12296214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombiePrincess/pseuds/ZombiePrincess
Summary: Castiel finds himself becoming quite close to the youngest of the Winchester family, Dean and Sam's sister Rachel.. as the rebelling angel tries to help the Winchester brothers keep the end of the world from happening, he finds himself becoming closer to their sister as together they try to keep life as they know it from coming to an end. Along the way, life lessons are learned and the both share in first time experiences and so much more.





	1. Chapter 1

“I believed....”

The sun was setting in the distance, the sky was a mix of colors, deep blues, oranges and a slight glimpse of even purple in between. The blue orbs of the angel looked upward into the sky, standing completely still as he uttered those two word's, loud enough for only him to hear. So much had happened since the Winchester brothers allowed all of the seals to be broken, Lucifer rising and both Sam and Dean saying no to both Lucifer and Michael, as they were the chosen vessels for the two of them.

God, where was god? From what he had heard from Joshua, he was here on earth but felt that this was not something he needed to be involved in, and as Dean worded, he was like a dead beat dad. Was Joshua lying? Was what Dean said, more or less accurate? So much was going on in the mind of the angel who was starting to really lose faith. His right hand would curl up into a fist as the angel vanished from where he stood there and now as the sun disappeared from view. 

Only the light of the moon lit up the sky, it was mostly black. Stars seemed to be not shining tonight, as Castiel appeared once more outside. But where was he now? He had appeared outside a liquor store, locked though the door was, it didn't stop him and what he was going to do. He was going to drink. Certainly a first for the angel, and his vessel. If it wasn't for his abilities to heal, he would have likely killed the vessel, with all the things that had happened not just with the drinking alone. 

The angel would use his powers to appear inside, and of course the cameras would stop working with a single hand gesture, as he started his night of drinking. Who knew a angel could get drunk? Or even think of doing such a thing. Anything seemed possible now with the apocalypse here. Castiel wasn't sure how long he had been drinking, or even how much he had to drink, but next thing he found himself in a hotel room. 

A groan would escape the angel as he appeared in the room, from what it seemed as he staggered, the room looked like it was spinning, his head slightly pounding at even the slightest of sounds. He had found himself in Rachel Winchesters hotel room, the sister of Dean and Sam, who he had been working with for some time now. Why and how he even appeared here, even he didn't know, as he swayed, trying to stay upright. Castiel moved his head slightly around in the dark room, trying to figure out where he even was. 

The end of the World was pretty seriously nigh. The Apocalypse had started and all Hell had sprung out on Earth, not if the Winchesters had anything to do with it. They would figure out a way to save humanity, they always did even if it damn near killed them. The three siblings were never afraid to die for what they believed in, and they believed in the survival of the human race.

With the impending destruction of humanity and its way of life hanging over her head, the sweet abyss of sleep seemed to elude Rachel. Through the thin walls of her motel room, she could hear the rather familiar rumbles of her older brothers twin sets of snoring, indicating that they had possibly managed to drink themselves into a deep sleep. Not that she could possibly blame them for one moment. The two carried a lot of the weight of the world on their shoulders. However much Rachel envied Sam and Dean for managing to find rest, she did not envy the obvious hangovers they would wake up to.

Laying on the top of the duvet, her blue eye's stared at the ceiling above her. Her hands were folded comfortably across her stomach as the open window across the room allowed a gentle breeze to skim across the flesh that her bed clothes exposed. Not that she wold ever admit, but she was scared, terrified to the core of the day's that were yet to come. Loyalties would change, faith would be tested and friendships would break. People she loved would die in the middle of a war that had become their problem. And where was God in all of this? Of course, Dean had spoken to her about how the almighty had pretty much put his middle finger up at humanity, and it had shaken her. Throughout her entire life, the young blonde believed that the Holy Father wold protect her and her family, guide them whenever they become lost and give them strength whenever they felt weak. To understand that this was not the case had knocked Rachel for six.

Her mind had often wondered to Castiel. As difficult as her shaken faith had been for her, she could only imagine that it had been heartbreaking for the angel. However, the blonde had faith in her brother's friend. Despite never having the quality time to get to know him, she believed that Castiel would find the strength to put the news behind him and carry on with his life, or existence..

The sound of wings filled the air around her, along with the sound of footsteps stumbling across the wooden floor and a soft male groan. Instinctively, Rachel slipped her hand under the hard pillow beneath her head, her fingers circling around the blade she had hidden there as her blue eyes fell upon a shadowed figure across the room. Her heart started pounding, racing in her chest as her stomach dipped with fear. Swallowing the lump in her throat,the blonde quickly maneuvered herself across the bed, switching on the bedside lamp to flood the room with light as she jumped to her feet.

"Cas?"

Her eyebrows knotted themselves together as her eye's took in the angel's appearance. His staggering, his slightly hunched over posture, his bloodshot eyes. The unmistakable stench of alcohol reached her nose. Rachel loosened her tight grip on her dagger. He was drunk, there was no mistaking it. A small part of her wanted to chuckle a the sight, however, the compassionate side of her took pity. The blonde quickly turned off the bedside lamp, filling the motel room in darkness once more, in an effort to ease any discomfort and sensitivity that Castiel would have.

"Come here and sit down before you fall over."


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel had done so many things to help humanity, to make sure no more innocent died in this heaven and hell war between brothers. He had done so much that it had cost him his life at least once, brought back only to possibly die again at a later date. He had even been taken back to heaven before that when he had come close to telling certain things to the Winchesters. 

He did it all for them, everything he had done up until now was to protect them and the human race. An angel showing signs of compassion, and even closeness to those not of his own kind, many thought was strange and some even called that betrayal. He had been cast out of heaven since, yet he was still able to fly, heal and do a few other things like a normal angel, but return to heaven was not one of them. 

Many assumed after the news that Dean and Sam had told everyone, from what Joshua had said, that Castiel was still holding on that God was just biding his time.. waiting for the right time to stop this. Yet deep down.. he wondered, he questioned.. why? Why would he do this? Why would he allow this much to happen? Many innocent people had already died and everyday more and more were dying, souls going to heaven and many to hell. A army for both being created in the process. 

Drinking, he had been around Dean Winchester for so long that he picked up the habit of drinking. Never before had he done such a thing, not until he had been hanging around with the likes of the Winchester family. He was disappointed in himself for picking up such a habit, yet it seemed to ease him a bit, calm him.. yet at the same time make him feel ill. He was still learning much of the human ways, and being drunk was one of them. 

Stumbling around, the groaning.. it had certainly gotten Rachel's attention. The brightness of the lamp light caused the angel to almost fall over, as he lifted his hands up to cover his eye's from the blinding light. Oh so bright all of a sudden as he groaned again.

“Off.. please.. turn it off”

Mumbled the angel as he kept his eye's tightly shut, his hands and arms covering his face, until the darkness returned when she turned the light off. 

The two hadn't really been around each other much, sure Castiel knew of her and he had heard of her and seen her once in awhile but he had mostly kept himself around the Winchester brothers, yet here he now found himself in her presence, of course he was drunk, reeking of alcohol and a mumbling, stumbling mess from it and from everything on his mind. 

The suggestion of sitting down before he fell over, he would give a nod of his head. Stumbling forward as he made his way towards the bed, or anything near it to sit on. It seemed like the room was still spinning as he finally leaned forward onto the bed, his knees gave out at this time, his knees hitting the floor as his chest and arms laid against the soft bed.

“Sorry if I..”

his word's were slightly slurred as he tried to speak.

“Woke you...” 

"Oh, you didn't wake me, don't worry."

The blonde Winchester made sure to keep her voice as gentle and quiet as she possibly could. A soft smile graced her lips as her blue eyes fell onto Castiel's position, half on the bed and half off. As amusing as the sight would've been to many, it filled Rachel with curiosity. How much had the angel had to drink? Rachel was certain that celestial creatures were almost superhuman, that such human afflictions such as drunkenness could not affect them. 

She gently lowered herself to her knees at his side so she could get a decent look at him. Too many times in the past she had witnessed Sam and Dean's drunken behaviors and had often found herself annoyed at them. However, with Castiel she was concerned. Was he not above such human habits as drinking alcohol? What had driven him to leave him in such a state? Had this anything to do with God's leaving? A pang of sympathy filled Rachel's gut as she pressed her lips tightly together. She slowly reached out her hand and gently moved strands of his dark hair from his sweat covered forehead, before she quickly drew her hand back and gently placed it in her lap.

It was strange. The two of them had never really had a reason to spend time together. Of course, they had worked together on many occasions, but they had always been accompanied by her two brothers. Rachel had seen him, spoken to him in passing and had always greeted him kindly whenever he had appeared to her brothers, but she had always seen him as an acquaintance more than a friend of her own. Why would Castiel come to her in a time of need?

"Without meaning to sound, rude.."

The blonde struggled to find the right word.

"Lets get you onto the bed, I promise its more comfortable than the floor.."

She slowly pushed herself to her feet, offering her hand out to the angel to give him any assistance he would need.

"Then, I'll fix you a glass of water and some pain pills.."


	3. Chapter 3

The blue orbs of the angel, or rather yet his vessel, looked upon the blonde Winchester sister, hearing that he had in fact not woken her, had slightly made him want to question why she wasn't sleeping. However deep down he felt like he knew. The fact that death was just around the corner, a war that could end everything and everyone.. who could sleep? Of course Sam and Dean were able to, but not without help. So he found himself remaining quiet, the question going unasked. 

It was likely amusing the sight of the angel like this, if he were around the brothers they would likely be chuckling or at least Dean would be, but he found soon enough no laughter was to be had, no giggling or snorting at his posture, his current state or anything of the sort. Yet he was sure that she was curious on how much he had to drink, if he had said, the answer would have been shocking. Though he was an angel, the effect could still happen, but only after consuming a large amount of alcohol. 

Each sound, each movement he could hear.. so very loud. When she lowered herself down onto the floor, on her knees beside him, her hand moving towards him, moving strands of hair away from his face, the look in his eye's, it was what many could describe as lost, he was certainly that. This state he had never been in before, never in his life. Had God abandoned them? In their time of need? Why? Why was he doing this? What had they done to deserve such a thing? Such a horrible thing. 

It was known well enough that the two had barely spoken a word to each other, barely hung out. They worked together, they said very few things, hello and goodbye and were more or less just acquaintances than anything else. Friends, Castiel had very few of those. Sam, Dean, maybe Bobby after some time. Why he had appeared to her now, instead of one of them? Even he wasn't so sure on that, as of the moment. 

“I wouldn't consider that rude. Rude would have been to... tell me to leave, while being in this.. condition”

Castiel would find himself struggling to say out as she lifted up and put a hand out, to help him. She was likely right, the hard floor beneath him was not all that comfortable, but at the same time, was it right for him to take the only bed in the room? Just because of his condition.. his stupidity.

“The bed is all yours, I can curl up on the..”

He couldn't think of the word at the moment, pointing back at the direction of the couch that he had passed, on his way towards the bed, when he had first arrived in the room. 

His head lifted up, his hands on the bed, pushing himself up, before reaching for her hand for some help, before he would stand upright. The room spinning a lot less now, if at all. His vision yet, was still blurry as he took a deep breath, trying to heal himself of this drunkenness, he was sure it would go away somewhat quickly.

"Water.. pain.. pills? Wouldn't do anything.."

His word's slurred and the tone of his voice with a bit of confusion, since he had no idea what pain pills were. 

Whenever Sam or Dean had managed to drink themselves into such a state, the blonde usually held no sympathy. She would normally send them straight to bed with a glass of water and some pain pills to sleep off the effects of the alcohol, before waking them in the morning with steaming cups of coffee. However, they drank for different reasons then what the angel had done.

He was lost. She could see it in his eyes, she could hear it in his voice. The father that Castiel had known, loved and served, had deserted him when the angel possibly needed him the most. He had no guidance, no Shepard.. It almost broke her heart to see the angel in such a way. Despite never really spending time with him or getting to know him, the blonde Winchester couldn't help but care about the celestial creature. 

After everything Castiel had done for her brothers, dragging Dean out of Hell, helping them wherever he could, putting his own life on the line for them.. Was there any wonder why she cared about him? Unknowingly, the angel had succeeded in where she had failed Sam and Dean, and there was perhaps no possible way she could ever thank him enough. Rachel appreciated the angel and his actions. He was a good man, or creature.. She had never been too sure which bracket the angel actually fell into. 

She gently nibbled on the skin of her bottom lip, as her own blue eyes followed in the direction the angel was pointing towards. The couch? He was offering to take the couch so he didn't impose on her even further? She shook her head lightly, before she turned her attention back to the somewhat intoxicated angel that stood in front of her.

"Cas, you've done nothing but look out for others for, what I can only guess, your entire life? Maybe, its time you let somebody else take care of you for a change. Besides, I wouldn't have offered for you to take the bed if I had plans to sleep tonight."

The blonde offered Castiel a gentle smile, keeping a firm hold on him in case he still felt unstable.


	4. Chapter 4

A fallen angel.. lost and confused. Puzzled by his father.. his creators actions, or some cases, the lack there of. Abandoned, left to question what he was to do while this war grew ever closer. To wonder what his purpose was, why was he here? Why was he brought back? Was it only to suffer more than he already had? He was so very very confused. He had no answers.. only questions, so many unanswered questions. 

It was obvious he was lost, his eye's alone said it, his voice confirmed it when he had spoken. He had done so much, dragging Dean out of hell, putting his life on the line in more ways than one, saving the Winchester's so many times that could have easily ended his life. He had suffered so many times when helping them, but he wouldn't regret it, not ever. He would continue this repeatedly. 

His blue orbs looked upon her, he could see it. She felt for him. She seemed to show in her soft features, sadness, and possibly cared for the angel, even though the two barely knew each other. He didn't understand.. but then again he barely understood anything of this human world. The way they did things, the devices they used, their everyday lives seemed so confusing to him. Yet he was learning. 

His orbs stayed upon her, noticing the slight biting of her lower lip. Perhaps she was doing this because she was nervous? Or perhaps another reason, he was unsure. His attention went back towards the couch as he heard her now speak up, while shaking her head at what he had said. He didn't want to impose on her, or anyone for that matter. It wasn't exactly like Castiel to do that. 

“Someone.. take care of.. me?”

He questioned, his features showing that of confusion, which seemed to be almost a common look on his face, that was something both Dean and Sam knew all too well, when around the angel.

“I don't understand..”

He would come to admit. Someone taking care of him, it wasn't something he was familiar with. While it was known that both boys had helped him once in awhile, he still didn't quite understand another taking care of him, a angel. He would recover, soon enough. 

“You need sleep, I could..”

he tried to think at the moment.

“Help with that”

One use of his fingers to her forehead and he could allow her to sleep, yet he wouldn't do it unless told he could. It was known that for certain things a angel needed to ask permission first. 

A soft chuckle escaped from her lips at the angel's look of confusion. Was it something so alien to him to think about someone taking care of his needs for a change? She had to admit, the utter confusion etched across his features did look adorable. She brought a hand up to run her fingers through her blonde hair as she turned her eyes away for a short moment in thought. How was she to describe to an angel, a drunken one, at that , why someone should be allowed to take care of them? 

"Try thinking about yourself as a bucket of water for a minute.."

Rachel turned her blue eyes back to Castiel, the wheels in her head clicking into motion despite her tiredness and stress.

"Every time you help someone, imagine that it is like you're giving them a cup of that water. However, nobody thinks that the water will need replacing, they believe that it's an endless supply so they take and take as much as they can. But, sooner or later, that bucket of water is empty and needs refilling. The bucket can't do that, the bucket needs someone else to refill the water.."

There was no telling if the drunken Castiel would understand her word's. When one of her high school teachers had told her the very same thing, the young blonde had not quite understood it herself. But through the years, the meaning had dawned on her and she had found it a good piece of advice.. Hopefully, he wouldn't think of her as a simple rambling idiot.

"As kind of an offer as that is.."

Rachel found herself looking down at Castiel's hands, knowing full well what he had meant with his offer to help her fall asleep.

"I don't think its quite right that I should sleep when I could be finding something that could possibly help us."

She turned her blue eyes back to Castiel's face, offering him a warm smile.

"Besides, with those two nuggets next door in a drunken coma, somebody has gotta keep an ear out in case we get any visitors."

The blonde quickly reached across to the foot board of the bed and picked up her folded cardigan. It hadn't occurred to her that wearing nothing but her bed shorts and vest in front of Castiel was bordering on embarrassing. If she wanted to spend the night working, then she at least wanted to cover herself up a little bit.


	5. Chapter 5

The angels blue orbs stayed upon the blonde Winchester as she chuckled softly. She seemed to be perhaps amused by how confused he was, how confused he always was at that. A drunk and confused angel, perhaps that was a tad confusing, yet Castiel couldn't find it in himself to laugh, at least not at the moment. His mind seemed to be all over the place and not in the right way to start laughing, even if his ways were sort of funny. The thought of being taken care of yet, still confused him. 

Castiel blinked as he spoke out.

“Why would I be a bucket of water?”

He questioned, confused as she turned her attention to him, before trying to explain. The way she explained it, it took him a little bit to understand it, even in his current state but he understood. Yet, the idea of someone helping him still wasn't something he understood, a angel getting help was well.. he didn't even know what to think of that. A nice gesture yes, but why? Why would someone help... him? Not even God wanted to do that. 

That thought alone made him curl his hands up into fists for a moment before he would try to calm himself down a tad, and the drunkenness fading more and more as he stood there.

“I.. think I understand what you mean, yet.. why would you help.. me?”

He couldn't help but question that as his soft features looked to her. The offer he had made, he now would watch her look to his hands, yet what she said.. It was understandable, someone needed to be awake. Just in case. 

“You're right... some of us need to be awake.."

If he could stay awake. His eye's were heavy, a angel worn out, tired of all things, suppose you spend enough time out of heaven and that starts to happen. Strange as it was, he was starting to almost get used to it. Now as he had stood there, he hadn't even noticed the lack of clothes she had on, but then again he hadn't been fully paying attention, plus it being dark he didn't see much. Yet, she seemed embarrassed now. Maybe he would have been the same if he ever came around barely dressed. 

Moving now towards the bed, his body more or less giving out on him, he fell backwards onto it.

“Must stay awake..”

The angel mumbled, trying to keep himself from falling asleep, trying so hard to stay awake. His small, lanky frame laying more onto the bed than he had been just moments ago. 

Her lips formed into a gentle smile as she watched the angel fall further backwards onto the bed. It did pain her to think how he found it difficult to comprehend the thought of someone looking after him, taking care of him.

"Just rest for now, Cas."

The blonde spoke gently as she pulled her cardigan across her shoulders.

"We'll speak more in the morning."

Even in the darkness of the motel room, Rachel could make out the darkened shape of the couch in the far corner of the room. Leaving Castiel to rest in silence, she tip-toed quietly across the wooden floor, managed to move around the small coffee table before she seated herself down onto the worn furniture. The blonde brought her legs up and stretched them out across the other seat, as she reached down the side of the couch to grab hold of the thick and dusty book she had been reading through that morning. The curtains behind her were thin enough to allow a little light through, allowing her eyes to make out the markings in front of her. Opening the heavy pages, she settled herself deeper against the couch and allowed her eyes to run over the faded text. 

She was book smart, able to find the smallest of clues in any text. Her translation abilities had proven themselves invaluable to Sam and Dean on many occasions. It often managed to surprise her just how easily different languages, both common and dead, came so effortlessly to her. From Japanese to Ancient Greek, it fascinated her! From across the room, she could hear Castiel breathing. Whether he had fallen asleep or not, the sound of his breathing gave her some form of comfort as she sat in the dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel had always just knew one person that would take care of him.. or he thought this person would do that, God. His father, his one and only creator, but now he even questioned that as he was abandoned. So trying to imagine someone else trying to fill that role, it was such a strange thing for him to comprehend. He was so confused over it and at the same time, a tad been scared of trusting someone else to do that, only to deal with being abandoned again, he couldn't handle that most likely. 

His body curled up onto the bed, his frame more or less in a ball, his legs curled up, his trenchcoat acting as a blanket as he wore it, his arms near his face, as his hands were under his face as he laid on his side, his face and front area towards the door, which was a safer for him to do, rather then to turn his back towards it. Would leave him more vulnerable in that position had he done it. 

Barely a sound was made from either of them. Castiel laying on the bed, as his current state started to fade little by little. Rachel on the couch now trying to read with the slight bit of light that seeped through the thin curtains by the window. His breathing could be heard, and he had finally fallen asleep. When sleeping, he had been told by at least one Winchester that he looked like a baby in a trenchcoat, even Crowley had said that to him once. Of course he didn't quite understand. 

He seemed to be sleeping fine for awhile. Well, for a short while it seemed. Yet that would clearly change as he started to squirm and toss and turn in the bed.

“Can't happen! That can't happen! He can't say yes! ......No!"

A dream, more like a nightmare or glimpse into the future perhaps of something Dean would do in time.. he couldn't allow this, if this vision or whatever this was, was true.. he would have to stop it. His eye's were still shut tight, as he seemed to still be moving a tad. 

The blonde's eyes grew heavier as she mentally processed the information on the page. Her mind started to hurt as exhaustion slowly set in, and she could feel herself slowly drifting further and further towards sleep. That was until the shouts that erupted from Castiel's lips filled the silent air in the room. 

Rachel immediately launched the heavy book onto the floor and flung herself to her feet, her blue eyes bolting wide open as she scanned the room. Her breath caught in her throat as she listened to the angel's words. Of course, he was having a nightmare. It was bound to happen. She had hoped that he would have rested easily, slept through the effects of the alcohol, but since when did anything she hope for ever come to pass? Effortlessly, the young Winchester pushed herself to cross the darkened room as quickly as she could to be at his side, to help him through his nightmare.

She reached the side of the bed, her eyebrows knotted together as she watched the angel move in his sleep for a moment. Would he be as easy to comfort as her brothers?

"Cas?"

Rachel eased herself onto the edge of the mattress and placed a gentle hand on the angel's shoulder.

"Hush, it's just a nightmare. You're okay, I've got you.."

Life was a roller coaster, that could be the light way of putting it. Nothing ever really went as many wanted it to go. Never to be easy, or peaceful. Not for very long anyhow. It would be proven constantly as day's passed by for those on Earth, as the war grew ever closer and everything kept getting worse and worse. The shouting that erupted from the angel, he hadn't been aware that he had done it, or that it would startle Rachel, because he had forgotten where he even was while in and out of sleep. 

What he was seeing in his mind, oh the images.. they even frightened him. They weren't a full image though.. which had him question just what he was seeing, but he was seeing just enough that he was scared for what could happen in the very near future. He was still tossing and turning as the images continued. Could he be helped while like this? 

Was it even smart to mess with a angel when they were having such intense visions. Now that was something that not even the Winchester boys knew. As soon as his shoulder was touched, his name was said, he jumped. It had been enough to wake him. His eye's were wide for a second.

“That was... no.. nightmare.... It was a vision.. a very very bad vision”

He would explain out, as he tried to calm himself down.

Was what he saw going to happen? If so, when? Where? Why? Would it be worse then what he saw? He was unsure.. so very unsure as he laid there, trying to calm himself still. It did seem, her soft reassuring word's were some help to him and helping him calm down as he stopped moving now, laying still on the bed. 

Rachel's eyebrows knotted together at the angel's words. A vision? She would never pretend to understand how those things worked, why only certain people had them, but she had learned that they were never to be taken lightly. Of course, there was always an opportunity to change the vision, make sure it never came to pass, however by the look in Castiel's eyes, the blonde had a feeling it would take a lot of work. Work and effort that the Winchester siblings would not mind putting in..

She bit down on her bottom lip as she settled herself on top of the mattress, her legs hanging off the side as she twisted her body to give the angel her full attention. The blonde wanted to comfort him and tell him, convince him even, that everything would be okay but her honest nature wouldn't let her.

"Your vision.."

Rachel removed her hand from Castiel's shoulder, placing it on the mattress beside her to support herself. With her other hand, she ran her fingers through her hair as worry and concern set in her own blue eyes.

".. It's my brothers, isn't it?" 

Sam and Dean's safety was her main focus, always had been and always would be. There was next to nothing the blonde wouldn't do to ensure that her older brothers returned to her after every hunt. Rachel's stomach twisted in fear, a part of her not wanting to hear what the future possibly held for her brothers.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel's eye's showed that of fear, of worry and of a unknown future that he couldn't quite grasp. It hadn't really been something most saw from the angel, the look of fear, of absolute fear. It wasn't something he often showed if at all, but here he couldn't seem to hide that. What he had seen, the horrible images that he had caught glimpses of.. so much to take in, to try and make sense of. If he could at all. 

His eye's would close as he calmed himself down. His blue orbs, slowly opening as his attention returned to her as she moved and twisted around towards him. Her word's, as she removed her hand, the concern in her tone, in the way she was acting, he couldn't really be sure if he should tell her what he had seen. Was there a chance that if he did, they could change that? Maybe.. maybe the prophet had seen the same, if that was the case.. there was not much of a chance to change it.. and something good come of it. 

He was so lost that he wasn't sure what to say. His attention still on her as his soft features showed, sadness. He was usually more serious, more put together then this. But after what had happened, was it no wonder that he had become this way?

“I.. shouldn't say... it won't make matters any better, likely make things worse if you know and then.. if either of them are confronted”

He responded as he tried to sit up a bit, the effects of the alcohol seemed to have worn off by this time.

A deep breath escaped the angel as he tried his hardest to keep himself together, more so then he had been just some time ago. Drinking surely hadn't helped him likely, hell he still didn't even understand why he had done it, well maybe he did understand it, but doing a human like action like that.. was more along the lines of what he didn't understand, why he would turn to it when he knew it wouldn't help him. Maybe he was that messed up that nothing just made any sense anymore. 

A lump formed in her throat. Her hands clenched the bed sheets tightly and her back stiffened at the angel's words. Her blue eyes shifted to look Castiel in the eye, as much as the darkness would allow her, only to see the fear and worry in them. For him to not tell her what had caused the terror was highly concerning, especially since his lack of words had more or less confirmed her brother's involvement in the vision. A pang of nausea flooded over her as her mind instantly drew its own conclusions, silently giving her the worst case scenario.

"I won't let it happen, whatever it is.."

The blonde spoke firmly, almost vowing to herself that she wouldn't allow any harm to come to her two older brothers. There had to be something she could do, no matter how small, to change the course of whatever the angel had seen.

"They're the only family I have. There has to be something I can do to stop it.."

The firmness in her voice faded as her eyebrows knotted themselves together.

The blonde closed her eyes tightly and brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. She needed a plan. The room fell into silence as she struggled to keep her train of thought and concentration. Her exhaustion couldn't be helping.. Rachel could feel the start of a headache forming deep within her brain, but she gave it no second thought. They had more pressing matters to deal with then a simple nagging pain. She slowly lowered her hand onto her lap, and opened her eyes once more, blinking them a number of times as she turned her attention back to Castiel, a new determination set in her blue eyes.

"I have to be able to do something."

The firmness in her voice was back.

"Nothing can happen to Sam and Dean, they're too important to the World."

The vision, the images he saw.. what he saw was Dean, he was confronting Zachariah, and what he heard in this image was Dean saying yes.. to being Michael's vessel. He had said yes.. and if that happened, he couldn't imagine what would happen next. He couldn't allow this, he just couldn't. Castiel's blue orbs would look away from her, down to the bed and he fell silent. He wasn't sure what to say, how to explain any of this without.. scaring her. Or himself for that matter. 

Her uttered word's that reached his ear's, he wanted to say something, yet the angel stayed silent. The look in his eye's didn't change as he looked back to her. Her next word's.. he would say something that not even he had said to the two of them.

“They're.. my family too.. I don't want this to happen.. none of this.”

He would come to admit as he took a deep breath, once again trying to calm himself, as he started to slightly panic at the images he had seen just a little bit ago.

It seemed the two felt more or less useless at this moment, but were trying hard to think of some way, some how they could help. Somehow they could change what he had seen. Was it possible? Castiel no longer knew. He thought he had at one time, but now, he questioned everything he had known. Even other angels, he questioned what they knew, what they even said. 

“If there's a chance that something can be done to change this vision, this future.. we will find it. If I have to die in the process, for that to happen, I will do so”

It was known by some, such as Dean, Sam and Bobby, that Castiel would indeed sacrifice himself, just to save humanity and the Winchesters themselves. Here he even voiced it out, to Rachel. A first for him, but then again, most of this was, since the two were only just now talking to one another.


	8. Chapter 8

"I won't let you die.."

The blonde shook her head ever so lightly, a sad smile gracing her lips as she did. The angel hardly knew her, or her stubbornness when it came to the crunch.

"You're like my brothers, you're important. You have a role to play just like they do. Other than Bobby, you're perhaps the only other person I trust to keep those two nuggets alive and kicking."

Rachel understood full well how expendable she really was. She had no role to play for Heaven or Hell. She doubted either side gave her a second thought, that she was just another pesky human bug that stood between them and what they wanted out of the Winchester brothers. It didn't bother her. The young woman had always somehow known that she would go down fighting to keep Sam and Dean alive.

A long sigh escaped from her lips as she lowered her blue eyes to look at her hand on top of the sheets. The very thought of losing her brothers was not an option for her. Since she had come to care for the angel in a way, the same feeling extended to him as well.

"I promise you, I've got your back if you've got my brother's.." 

Castiel's head tilted slightly as he heard the next uttered word's from the blonde haired Winchester next to him. She wouldn't let him die? The two hardly knew each other, and while that was true, she seemed to show that she cared for him, maybe it was just because of her brothers, he wasn't sure he could only assume at the moment as he sat there. What he heard next, he would look away as he shook his head.

“I used to think that, I used to believe that.. I used to believe in...”

He paused, he fell silent as he looked to the ceiling, as if he were waiting for something.. or someone, that would never come.

“If this vision comes true, I won't be around much longer. I'm sure Michael will make sure of that.. brother or not.”

He would say out before falling silent. His attention would stay on the ceiling for a moment longer before he would turn to see the features of Rachel, he knew well enough what she had on her mind. She likely thought she was nothing more then expendable, hell even Castiel was thinking he was the same at times, well now after what he had heard. Sure he had been brought back once, but again? Would his creator do that again? He hadn't a clue. 

A deep breath would come from him as he watched her.

“Promises get broken, while I believe what you say to be the truth, things happen that change what we say. Yet.. thank you, it shows that you, a person who barely knows me, yet.. care.”

Castiel would say out before his features toward more soft, as he was finally rid of the alcohol, at least for now anyway.

“But if in the future, me dying to do something to prevent whatever this may be, it must happen, don't try to stop it. Some things aren't meant to be changed” 

It was hard to tell what the future held for any of them, for Dean, Sam, Rachel or Castiel. The visions hadn't been so clear, but they had been enough to tell him that things were going to change, and what neither of them knew, was that Dean and Sam were planning on heading out, and they wouldn't tell the two of them, and the visions that Castiel had were more recent then he even knew.

The two sat in silence for a long amount of time. The heaviness of the situation dawning on the both of them. The young blonde found herself picking at a piece of loose cotton on the bed-sheets for a moment or two as their conversation ran through her mind. It almost seemed that Castiel believed that no matter what she and her brothers did to change the course of the vision, he would end up dying. And those words weighed heavily on her shoulders. Rachel wanted to believe, more than anything, that the four of them would ride out the war unscathed.

However, a promise was a promise. The young blonde held her promises close to her heart and always kept them. No matter what the angel wanted, she knew herself well enough to know that she would jump in front of a bullet to keep her promise to him.

"How about some coffee?"

Rachel suggested, pushing herself gently to her feet. It wasn't going to do either of them any good to sit around in the motel room, mopping about what could possibly happen in the future.

"Like you said, I barely know you. We could go and sit on the porch outside and talk?"

Her blue eyes turned to focus her attention onto Castiel, her fingers ceased their picking at the loose cotton.

Silence. It wasn't as if the angel wasn't used to that. He was, sometimes didn't mind silence but he knew this kind of silence was not exactly good. He may not understand a lot of the human world, but this even an angel understood. He wanted to speak up, he wanted to say something, but his mind so clouded, his faith nearly depleted, what could he say to make this any better? What could he do, or believe that they could do something to change this? 

In the vision, of which he hadn't been detailed on, he saw himself. He saw Dean and brightness. That is where it had ended for him.. he hadn't been sure if that had been the end of him, it sure seemed like it. From there he had seen images of Dean after, and he could hear Micheal coming.. and the word yes uttered from the mouth of Dean Winchester, but the images of himself and Dean those were on repeat in his mind.

The more he saw them, the more he worried, the more afraid he seemed to be. Confronting the Winchester brothers was out of the question, and well not like they would have a choice. They were already gone. The word's now spoken, the offer of coffee, a nod of his head as he tried to think.

“Coffee.. no effect on me, but the taste isn't bad”

Castiel would utter out as he tried to get up, his body slightly tired.

“We can do that, better than staying in here..” 

It would in a sense be one of the more bad ideas chosen, because what they would soon come to find out was that both brothers were gone, once the two actually made it outside. The Impala would be gone, and the two of them would be alone. With no idea.. well somewhat of a idea of where they went, from the vision. Castiel stood fully upright from the bed, looking around before turning to Rachel, trying to show somewhat of a smile, yet that seemed a bit tad hard for him to do.


	9. Chapter 9

"I always knew you had a nice smile."

The blonde Winchester spoke softly, with a tired smile on her own lips as she pulled her cardigan tighter around her body. There was next to no point in getting changed out of her bed clothes if they were only going to sit on the porch. The coffee machine was outside of the door.

"You really should smile more, it suits you.."

Rachel crossed the room quickly, picking up the loose change and her room key she had left on the small table as she did. The very thought of coffee encouraged her to move quicker then what her tired and aching muscles and bones would've allowed her. She lived off the black liquid, could never function without it.

As soon as the blonde pulled open the motel room door, the smile quickly disappeared from her lips as her blue eyes instantly fell onto the empty parking space where the Impala once sat. A small frown crossed her features as she stood dead still for a moment, her exhausted mind trying to catch up with what was right in front of her eyes. Rachel gently nibbled on the skin of her bottom lip as she turned and walked a fast-pace to the door that lead to her brother's room.

"Sam? Dean?!"

Rachel called out, as she raised her fist and knocked on the door as loud as she dared to. A large part of her didn't particularly care if she woke up the other residents of the motel.

There was no answer. There was no sound of snoring coming from inside the room. The blonde's heart pounded heavily in her chest. Her brothers wouldn't have left her behind to go on an impromptu hunt without at least telling her first. The palms of her hands started to sweat a little as the fear started to slowly wash over her. Something within her gut told her that something wasn't right.

"Cas?"

Rachel turned her head to look at the angel, her blue eyes wide with fear.

The smile he had attempted to show was short lived, and likely not the best he had done. Castiel did smile, once in awhile. Lately however... he had no reason to. Not after everything that had happened, that he had heard. What point did he have to smile? Yet.. the compliment, it was nice to hear. It wasn't often he heard such a thing. No, usually what he heard was people telling him what he was horrible at, or that he needed to learn more human ways. So this was different, nice. 

“Thank you.. I'm not much of the smiling type these days. Not good with jokes either”

Yet he did have his own sense of humor, which was usually just him making a goof of himself trying to learn how to use a human device, that was humor from him, not even intentional. The sleep he had gotten was enough he assumed, and the alcohol was no longer in his system so he was able to move around with no problems.

The idea of coffee, seemed like a nice idea but something told him that it wouldn't happen. He was right. The banging, the yelling he now heard.. that told him enough. The two were already gone and who knew how far they were. Only Castiel could track them down, but if they were going where he once told them.. the room that Dean had been kept some time ago.. they were heading right towards Zachariah.. 

Castiel appeared behind her. Hearing her speak up, her eye's wide with worry as he looked upon her.

“They've gone to Zachariah.. Dean's going to.. say yes.. like my vision showed”

He finally spilled the beans. Well, in a sense he had.

“I know where it is.. that they are headed. But they won't make it in without problems.. there's angels all over the place.. they will get tormented before Zachariah decides to see them” 

He knew too well what he had to do.

“I can transport you into the impala.. but I, I have something else I must do...”

What he had to do was take out his own kind, his own brothers.. five of them to be exact. But it would cost him as well. His life? Maybe. He wasn't exactly sure. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that part. His eye's showed a serious emotion maybe even worry as he looked upon her.

"Promise me.. that you will try and make Dean change his mind.."


	10. Chapter 10

The look in the angel's eyes confirmed to the young blonde that Castiel was only telling her little bits of the truth, that he was hiding something big from her. Of course, the compassionate part of her couldn't blame him for doing so. They hardly knew each other, had hardly ever spoken much to each other before that night. The angel obviously didn't trust her enough with the truth. However, the protective sister side of her wanted to know everything. She wanted to know the exact details of Castiel's vision, she wanted to know exactly what she was about to run head-first into. Her mental conflict must have shown on her facial expression as she fought to control the bubble of emotions burning away inside of her. Anger, worry, fear, guilt.. Rachel grasped her hair for a long moment, as she turned her blue eyes away from the angel and back towards the now-empty parking space. 

How could her brothers be so stupid? Both Sam and Dean had sworn to her that they would not say 'yes' under any circumstances, that they would both rather die then allow two angels to walk around in their bodies. Why had they gone back on their word? Had the pressure finally got too much for them? 

Rachel closed her eyes tight, forcing herself to calm down so she could think rationally. This was definitely not the time to play the 'Blame Game'. Once Sam and Dean were safely back in their motel room, of course then it would be a different story. The boys wouldn't know what hit them once she was through with them.. 

"I'll drag them both back here if it is the last thing I do!

Rachel opened her eyes and turned her attention back to Castiel. She stood looking at him for a long moment, her eyebrows knotted together as she took in his heavy expression.

".. But, you need to promise me that you're gonna come back from wherever it is you're off to."

His words back in her room played over in her mind, like a broken record player. If he had to die in order to prevent his vision from coming to pass. That was not something the blonde wanted to happen. Castiel had told her that he thought of her brothers as his own family, which had gained Rachel's respect and admiration. Learning of the angel's death, if it should happen, would more than likely cause her a great deal of grief. She stepped forward and took a gentle hold of his elbow as she looked him in the eye. The angel was significantly taller than her, which made it a little more difficult to show him through eye-contact how much she wanted him to return.

".. I offered you a cup of coffee, and I'm damn sure gonna see that offer through.."

Word's didn't need to be said from the angel, not when his looks said more than actual word's actually could. He was hiding so much more from her though. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, it was true they barely knew each other, but he just felt like if he told her any more of it, it would only hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

His attention went from her to the sky above. Once more, he uttered out.

“I believed in..”

He couldn't say the rest, as he shook his head. Why was he even trying, could he even hear him? Why would he? Sure he was here on earth, but it was unlikely God, his father, his creator was listening to what he had to say. 

Castiel remembered that the brothers had said no matter what they wouldn't say yes. But he knew, after all that had happened, even they were starting to think there was no winning. Perhaps it was his fault. It was now he would begin to think this was his fault for not even being able to keep enough faith that they could win this. He had tried so hard, yet here he was doubting everything, himself mostly. Yet he blamed himself for the brothers running off. 

His blue orbs, and his attention were back on her, the two looking to one another as she now spoke up. He couldn't promise that. It wasn't something he could do. He knew not what would happen and if he promised, it could be a lie and it wasn't something he could do. Her hand on his elbow, as he spoke.

“I can't.. promise that..”

Cas would say out. The mention of coffee, he had completely forgotten.

“If I return.. we can have coffee then, as much coffee as you want.”

Castiel was trying his hardest to show a braver side to himself, the solider that he was.. that he had to be. 

"I have faith that you will come back."

The young blonde forced a sad smile onto her lips, as she dropped her hand from his elbow. It pained her to see the angel acting brave, knowing all too well that his world was shattering around him. His brothers and sisters were at war among themselves, his father had abandoned him. No matter how saddened his actions made her, Rachel had to admire him for his bravery. Even whilst facing uncertainty, he was honest with her and offered her no false hope or promises.

She dropped her blue eyes to the porch that they were stood on. It was almost silly to think that there was a possibility one of them would not return to the motel, they faced that threat every single day of their lives and yet, it only seemed to weigh on her shoulders more in that moment in time. She just had to believe that things would turn out okay. They needed something to go right for them, even just that once.

The blonde inhaled a deep breath to steady her nerves. Sam and Dean had spoken of how being 'zapped' by an angel was a mind-blowing and slightly nauseating experience. If that was how Castiel was planning on getting her to the Impala in time, then she was ready.

"Cas.."

Rachel brought her blue eyes back up to look him in the eye one more time.

"I believed as well.."

She offered him a comforting smile, trying to show him that he was not alone in his grief and confusion, trying to give him that small spark of hope that he wasn't as alone as he believed he was. If those were going to be their parting words, the blonde hoped that they would give him some form of faith or confidence. 

Hearing the uttered word's from the blonde Winchester, it was not something he expected. She had faith that he would return. She certainly had more faith in him then he did, at this moment. His world was shattering all around, he had already lost so many in this meaningless war. Many brothers and sisters, slain for a stupid reason.. and there was nothing he could do about it. Their own father abandoning him to wonder just what his life was worth living for? 

A sheep, a flock without their Shepard... everything was going oh so wrong. Fallen angels, left and right. Some straying from the flock, because of lack of faith, much like Castiel. While others were being killed for picking a side.. hunted by their own, for a choice. God? Where was God? He was elsewhere, being in Dean's word's, a deadbeat dad. 

Yet here the angel was, trying his hardest to be brave. Uncertain of what the future held for him, held for any of them. He couldn't at this time give her false hope, that he would return, or that anything would be better or okay after this.. the best he could do was be honest that he would at least try to return. 

The experience one felt when traveling.. or being zapped by an angel was certainly not the best feeling in the world, but it seemed, she was ready to deal with that. Her word's, the last word's she spoke.. the comforting smile, they brought a smile to his face. She wanted him to smile more, what better thing for him to do, if this were the last time they were to meet, then to go out with a smile?

His hand lifted up, in it a angel blade. Placing it in her hand, he spoke.

“Give this to Dean.. he may not understand at first, but with your help and Sam's.. maybe he'll understand that he doesn't have to say yes..”

With that, his hand lifted up, and the sound of wing's could be heard, followed by a slight bright white light as Castiel vanished and sending her to the Impala, where she would appear in the back-seat, with the blade in hand, while he headed to the building, that Dean had once been held in. 

He stood outside, standing in a now blood stained shirt. There, it could be faintly seen that he had carved into his flesh, what did he carve? A symbol, one that would rid the place of angels, making it safe for the Winchesters.. to perhaps put an end to Zachariah, if they could convince Dean to change his mind, perhaps fool the angel enough to kill him. That was what he hoped, and that was what he was going to possibly give his life for. The time was near... so close. He could feel it. A deep breath coming from him as he waited to catch sight of the Impala. He had to make sure they arrived just before he went in.


	11. Chapter 11

"What the.." The blonde's sudden appearance in the backseat of the Impala had surprised the eldest of the siblings, causing him to swerve the car across the road for a few seconds before he even thought about seizing control of it again. The shock was apparent on his features as he used the mirror to make eye contact with his little sister.

Holding the angel-blade tight in her hand, the blonde folded her arms across her chest and perked an eyebrow as she too used the mirror. The 'zapping' hadn't been as unpleasant as what her brothers had described to her, so she had managed to get over the initial shock of teleporting rather suddenly. "What the Hell do you think you're doing, Dean Winchester?" The tone of her voice left next to no room for argument. "Thinking about saying 'yes', are you? What the Hell is going on in that head of yours?" Rachel didn't shout, she didn't feel the need to. Her voice was firm enough to vent her displeasure at her brother's actions.

She had to do it. Somehow, the blonde had to convince Dean to go back on his plan. She had to try to change the mind of the most stubborn man she had ever known. She had promised Castiel that she would try..

"I don't blame you for wanting it over, I really don't. I can't begin to imagine what is going through that thick skull of yours right now, but you can't say 'yes'! There are too many lives at stake, the Apocalypse will rip through humanity. There will be nothing left of the World.." Her brother was silent, obviously trying to block her out so he could concentrate on driving. "Dean, please don't do this.. I've lost you before, I can't lose you again. Me and Sam need you to keep fighting." 

The surprise on both Dean and Sam's face was something else entirely, as their younger sister appeared in the back-seat of the Impala, the car swerving when that had happened. Sam had spotted the angel blade in her hand as she crossed her arms, he had a feeling and a good idea of one how she got there, and two where she had gotten the blade from.

Where was Castiel though? Why hadn't he appeared with her? Where had he even gone? Dean and Sam remained quiet, unsure of what to even say at the questions being asked, the word's being directed at the hard headed Winchester, Dean. He was indeed stubborn, and he wanted everything over with. Sam.. he had tried talking him out of it, maybe a little more help from Rachel would do the trick, Castiel so hoped it would. 

The Impala came up onto the building, the first thing Dean would see was Castiel, looking directly at them. All of them, before vanishing inside the building. In the sand, written before them in his own blood, big enough for them to see, it said “End him” perhaps Dean would get the hint.. the word's from his sister, his brother and now this.. maybe.. he would understand what he needed to do, that he needed to re-think what he was going to do. 

Castiel appearing inside the building, there angels.. brothers of his would appear, angel blades out and ready to attack him. He wasn't armed with a blade, but he didn't need one. “Well come on!” He yelled out. The angels would grasp their blades and with that the angels came at him, closer and closer, there his trenchcoat, his shirt opened, there on his chest, the symbol, his hand as soon as it touched, a bright light appeared, the sounds of angels screaming likely heard by the Winchesters, for a brief second before.. silence. 

Castiel and the five that had been there were now gone. Dead? Perhaps.. perhaps not. He had never done that to himself before, so he didn't know his own fate. He had sacrificed himself for them to make the right choice and take out one of the biggest problems, biggest obstacles they had, Zachariah. Dean heard the screams, the light.. he saw it. It took the word's of his family, and maybe one of his only friends actions to make him change his mind. 

Dean had enough, he was going to face Zachariah, but still no one knew what his true actions were as he walked inside, no sign of the angels.. except Zachariah who appeared. 

Zachariah, a grin appearing upon the angels face. “Have you come to say yes, finally? Given up? Seen that there is no other choice?” Of course he would say something like that, Dean had the blade on him, taking it from his sister, he knew it had been meant for him. He understood, he knew why it had been given up by Castiel. 

Dean would keep the angel blade hidden from view as he spoke up. “Yes! Call Micheal already! Just fucking do it!” The eldest Winchester would say out. This of course, making Zachariah quite happy as he chanted. The archangel was coming. Sam, unable to really do anything, and the youngest sister.. Sam wouldn't allow to do much, neither of them could, knowing the angel would likely harm them. A wink came from Dean now, the angel didn't see, before he turned to face him. “Oh and before that, I have one request.. that he kills you... or better yet.. I will” Zachariah had stepped close enough, the blade, going into the flesh of the angel. 

Most of the vision that Castiel had seen, had happened.. yet some parts such as Dean changing his mind, he hadn't seen, it had happened though. Which at least changed some of the more horrible visions. But where was Castiel? Was he dead from doing that? It was so far unknown on his whereabouts. For now the Winchester's were safe, all of them.. and it was the end of Zachariah.


	12. Chapter 12

It had been a number of weeks since any of the siblings had seen Castiel, or heard from him. As hard as it was to admit, each of them understood that with each passing day, the likelihood that the angel was dead grew stronger. Not that Sam or Dean really had much time to grieve or mourn over their lost friend, not when they had Horsemen to deal with.

Rachel, however, had plenty of time on her hands. Research only took up a certain amount of her time during the day, especially when the number of books that contained any useful information were very few and far between. Conveying what she had learned to her older brothers over the phone only took up a few minutes of her time. No matter how much she had begged, neither Sam or Dean believed it was safe enough to have her accompany them especially when it came to dealing with the Horsemen. It was safer all around for the blonde to hang back at the motel. 

Her hours of free time quickly led to the blonde falling into a horrible habit of wondering what would've happened if she had managed to find another way to stop Castiel's vision from happening. She had failed in keeping her promise that she wouldn't let the angel die, and that ate away at her. Accompanied alongside the stress of the Apocalypse hanging over her head, was it really a mystery as to why she had taken to keeping a large bottle of whiskey in the cupboard? With nothing else to occupy her time or her thoughts, the blonde Winchester found herself most afternoons sprawled out on the couch with a bottle in her hand. 

Weeks on earth had passed, yet where Castiel was.. the time difference was more like a few months.. maybe even longer. He hadn't died, no.. he had ended up in Heaven but not in a place he wanted to end up. Where he had been for this time, had been more along the lines of Hell almost, being tormented by archangels for the things he had done. 

Tears of blood streamed, down his cheeks as he took what was given. How much more could he take? He still questioned so much, and while he didn't want to be here of all places, there was nothing he could do. Yet... Gabriel.. of all the angels had come to his rescue, saving him from this torment, from the constant yelling that he needed to change and see that this was needed to be done. 

The last thing he knew was that Gabriel had appeared, and then brightness.. pain ceased, at least from the hands of the archangel that had been doing it, yet his body was still quivering, trembling from the very pain he was feeling from everything else he had taken. Next thing he knew, he saw.. darkness. It seemed so slow.. everything that was happening. 

Falling, traveling from Heaven to Earth.. it wasn't exactly a easy thing to do, and certainly not in this state it was. A thud now heard, as the angel fell from the ceiling and onto the bed in Rachel's hotel room. Most of his injuries were healing, slowly but they were, now that he was away from it all. His face was stained with streaks of blood, that had been from his crying, as he laid motionless in the bed, barely conscious. His return, certainly was a miracle, and would likely be one of Gabriel's last and final moments for one of his own brothers...


	13. Chapter 13

The blonde Winchester was sat on the floor in front of the couch, using the furniture to support her back as she flipped through the pages of her mountain of books that filled the small tables and were piled across the wooden floor. With her reading glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, her blue eyes scanned the black text on each page, her mind taking in a processing the information. Every once in a while, the blonde stopped reading to reach behind her for her notebook and pen. Dean had asked for ways to stop the Horsemen, to stop the Apocalypse. Sam had asked for as much information as possible about different ways to send Lucifer back to his cage.

Of course, she had got to work as soon as possible. Anything was better then thinking of how she could've changed things, how she had broken her promise to Castiel.. The sound of a soft thud echoes throughout her motel room, dragging the blonde's attention away from the book in front of her. Her blue eyes scanned the room carefully as she closed the heavy book and set it down on the floor besides her. It was only when she pushed herself to her feet, did she find Castiel on her bed..

"Cas?!" Rachel's eyebrows knotted together, as she maneuvered herself quickly and effortlessly around the mountains of books that surrounded her. How was he there? In her room, on her bed? He had died, hadn't he? Sam and Dean were pretty convinced that the angel wasn't coming back. It was only when the blonde was at the angel's side, did she notice the blood streaks across his face. Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat as she allowed her blue eyes to wash over him. 

She couldn't tell if he was hurt. Other than the blood streaks on his face, she couldn't see any injuries. He was paler than usual, only a slight bit, and his breathing was a little off. The blonde sat herself down on top of the bed beside the angel and gently pressed the palm of her hand against his forehead.. His skin was a little clammy. Rachel reached across to the bedside table, quickly opened the drawer and pulled out the small First Aid kit she kept in there. She pulled out a packet of Antiseptic wipes, tore open a fresh one before she proceeded to start to clean the blood off of the angel's face.

If he had been alive the entire time, why hadn't Castiel called her brothers to let them know that he was okay? The blonde understood that he wouldn't have called her, why he wouldn't have called her. She was just the sister, the young woman who took care of him when he was out of sorts. It didn't bother Rachel. At the end of the day, she still cared for the angel and she still worried about him. She still thought highly of him, she still appreciated him and she still admired him. Yet, it was strange how the angel seemed to go to her when he was in trouble.. 

"Cas, sweetie?" Having cleaned the blood from his skin, Rachel reached across and pressed the palm of her hand against the angel's cheek, gently turning his head so he could look at her. She shuffled further onto the bed, resting on her knees so she could get a decent look. "I need you to open your eyes, you need to tell him if anywhere hurts.." 

Keeping in contact with the Winchester brothers or even Rachel, or anyone outside of Heaven.. that had been impossible. He had been trapped, chained up in a way that made it hard for him to do anything, he hadn't been able to move, or even speak. Only thing he had been able to do at that time, was shed tears, from the pain he had felt. Explaining, wording what had happened to him was damn near impossible, for a human to understand. 

The angel knew well enough that while this took place that many likely thought him to be dead. He would have been soon if it hadn't been for Gabriel, of all angels to put his neck on the line.. but then again, maybe not so much. He cared for the humans just as much as Castiel did, and maybe that was why he helped him escape.. if he hadn't he surely would have suffered more before a painful death. 

He hadn't been the one to choose where he had been sent, no this was Gabriel's doing. He had been keeping an eye on the Winchesters and had seen the slight bond start between Castiel and Rachel, so where else and who better to send the wounded angel to, then the young sister of the two boys? It seemed to be the best bet, less likely he would end up in trouble, as much trouble since Rachel wasn't a main target for either side. 

His wounds were hidden underneath his shirt, his coat, underneath the clothing, if one dared look, they would see a almost fully purple and black back and chest, what had done it, well that wasn't so easy to explain. Cuts had been made all around, yet it would heal, all anyone would see for now was the blood stained tears that went from his eye's and down his cheeks, that alone would say that something wasn't right. When an angel cried, it was never good. 

His usual color was off, his breathing was off.. everything about him was off, for now. He was fading in and out of consciousness as he laid there on the bed. He could hear a voice, faint.. soft, yet he couldn't bring himself to open his eye's, to do much of anything. Not a sound even came from him, at least not at the time that the blood from his face was being cleaned off. When she pressed her palm of her hand against his cheek, his cheekbones moved slightly. 

His head being moved, the pain he felt, it would soon pass, this he knew. While he would have likely screamed from being moved, he had no way of fully doing so from everything that had happened to him, strength, he didn't have much of it at the moment to actually scream. Once more, a voice came to him.. he was trying to focus.. clearer, he could hear it as he struggled to wake up. 

His eye's fluttering open, his blue orbs, the first thing he saw, blonde hair.. Rachel Winchester. He had once again found himself in her presence. His orbs stayed on her, he wasn't sure what to say, as he felt the pain, where did it hurt? Everywhere.. even his wings ached.. so much had happened, how to explain anything to her, he wasn't sure if he even could. “E..ev..everywhere...” he struggled to utter out, to answer her question as he tried to move, it seemed nearly impossible at this time. 

The wipe in her hand, he noticed next.. blood, his blood. He had a pretty good idea she had cleaned up his face that had shown that he was crying. Angels, when they cried, it wasn't normal like for humans, certainly she had realized that much by now, and he knew well enough she was going to have plenty of questions for him, as he started waking up fully..as he tried his hardest to get everything healed quicker, yet that seemed impossible for now in this current state. 

Castiel, though he couldn't say much or show much at the moment, he was proud of the youngest Winchester.. her word's towards Dean, they had helped change a major part of the vision that he had. She hadn't failed him like she had been thinking, his.. near death moment, was certainly not on her, and in time perhaps he would be able to voice that.


	14. Chapter 14

Her lips pressed together tightly as her blue eyes looked over the angel's body once more. She couldn't see anymore injuries on the skin that was exposed. The blood had been cleaned from his face, there were a few small marks on his neck.. What about the skin that she couldn't see? Her blue eyes snapped to look at his face as the thought swam around in her head. She couldn't undress an angel to assess any potential injuries he may have! The thought alone made her cheeks blush slightly pink. The blonde swallowed against the dryness in her throat.

"Uh, I need to, umm.." How could she even word it? The angel would probably think she had gone mad during their time apart. When it came to her brothers injuries, the blonde usually ordered them to take their shirts off so she could check the damage, but she just couldn't bring herself to do so with Castiel. ".. I need to check if there is any damage on your chest.."

Rachel felt her face flush with heat as the words tumbled from her lips. Her blue eyes watched the angel's face as her fingers slowly unbuttoned his jacket, watching for any sign of discomfort in her actions. Then came the buttons of the white shirt underneath. How many layers did he need? How did he not sweat? The blonde very carefully pushed the open pieces of fabric to the sides, whilst keeping her eyes on the angel's face. There seemed to be next to no discomfort from her actions, so she quickly moved her eyes to his chest to inspect the damage.

A gasp of shock fell from her lips. Almost every single inch of his skin was covered in marks. Black, blue, red, purple.. The cuts that littered his skin were not too deep to give her cause for concern. The amount of bruising, however, brought a tear to her eye. How had Castiel ended up with them? Who, or what, had done that to him? How was she supposed to help fix this? Rachel blinked her eyes rapidly for a long moment as she fought the tears that threatened to fall down her face. Sniffling, she turned her attention back to the angel.

"I'm gonna run you a bath." The blonde spoke softly, as she raised her hand to lightly run her fingers through his hair. "It'll help with the aching muscles, I promise.." Rachel felt horrible as she pushed herself off of the bed and hurried over to the small bathroom. This wasn't a bullet wound or a stab wound she was dealing with, something that took a few moments with a needle and thread to fix. There was next to nothing she could do for the angel, other than try to help relieve some of his pain. She put the plug in the drain and turned on the hot water tap. She sat on the edge of the small bath for a long moment, before she reached across and grabbed her bottle of bubble bath. She emptied a small amount of liquid under the running water, the bath water quickly filling with bubbles. 

"I don't know if you've got your ears on.." The blonde turned her blue eyes to the ceiling, momentarily forgetting about the running bath. ".. Whoever did that to Castiel, whoever caused him that much pain?" She could feel her heart hammering against her chest, the palms of her hands starting to sweat. She hadn't prayed in a long time, ever since she realized just how much of a dick the majority of the angels were. ".. You'll get yours. I promise you, you'll get what's coming to you.. And you'd better count yourself lucky if I'm not the one who gives it to you.." 

The wounds he had, the torment he had endured for the amount of time.. most angels would have apologized for what they had done, they would have gone back to their old ways and followed the rules, yet Castiel couldn't do that and so the torment had continued until Gabriel had come to his rescue.. he would never forget such an act surely. The injuries he had, they would heal up at some point, but it was unsure to the angel on when that would be. 

His blue orbs would look to the blonde haired Winchester, her face seemed to turn slightly pink. He was confused by this action, but then again what else was new? Much confused the angel. The next uttered word's he would hear from her, he was confused at first, before hearing the rest, she must not have known that angels could heal, but his own mind, his own thoughts seemed to even forget that at the time she asked that. 

He couldn't figure out what to say, her face was flushed as she said those word's. Her eye's on his face, as he laid there, he couldn't exactly do much at the moment, his body was too beaten, battered to move. His trenchcoat was unbuttoned first, moved to reveal the shirt underneath which seemed to look like it was a off white color, yet it was only like that because of how dark his actual skin was at the moment, with his bruises and cuts. 

Sweating, it wasn't something angels did, which was probably something she was wondering as she undid his shirt to check on his chest and the wounds that he had. If she saw his back, that was the worst of it.. he had a feeling her reaction to that when she saw it, would not be a good one either. A gasp coming from her lips, he remained silent as he looked upon her, trying to lift a hand up, as painful as it was, to wipe the tear he now saw come from her. 

Sniffling, he could tell that she was close to the verge of more tears. But for him? Why so? Her attention back on him, he was so confused on how a human could show such emotions to him. It was something he was still learning. He would now hear her mention running a bath for him, something he wasn't familiar with either, but maybe it would help him, while the healing process was slow, with angel caused wounds. 

Threatening perhaps the archangel that was behind this, or even God himself.. was not a smart thing for the youngest Winchester to do, but it showed that she seemed to form a bond with Castiel. Something that seemed to shock the angels who did hear this, the one's who heard this, were some of those who were on the edge of joining Castiel and rebelling like he had. The Archangel who was behind this, he would be told of this in time. God? It would reach him soon enough, would anything come from it? It wasn't something known yet. 

Castiel's eye's closed as he laid motionless in the bed for now. Trying to make sense of the actions of the youngest Winchester. Out of everyone, she seemed to show so much emotions for him and his well being, even though they weren't that close.. well perhaps what had happened changed that.. a few tears would come from the angel, as he looked towards the bathroom area.. he could hear something, her speaking.. but he couldn't make out what she was saying, as his eye's opened fully once more.


	15. Chapter 15

The bath tub took a few moments to fill. By the time she had turned the hot water off, the blonde had managed to find a clean towel. She folded it neatly and laid it to rest on the side of the bath for the angel to use once he was finished. It was the best she could do for the time being. Bruises weren't something she could fix, they would take time to heal. If the celestial healing rate was as slow as the human one, then it would take a few days until Castiel was back on his feet.

Exiting the bathroom, the blonde quickly made her way across the motel room back to the bed. She gently sat down besides the angel once more, her blue eyes traveling down to his chest to take in his injuries one more time. The bubble of anger that she could feel growing for whoever had caused the damage started to grow once more.

"Do you think you can move?" Rachel spoke quietly, as she turned her attention back to the angel's face. "The bath is ready, I just need to get you in it.." The blonde was more than prepared to assist Castiel as much as she possibly could. She was prepared to take his weight if he had difficulty, ready to help him step into the bath if he needed her help. His clothes would more than likely need a wash, it was lucky that the motel had its own laundry room. She could easily find something of Dean's for the angel to borrow until she managed to get the blood out of his own clothing and fix any damage on the material. 

Healing, the way angels healed was certainly different then for the normal human, but with who inflicted the injuries to him, healing would take a bit more time then the few minutes it usually took. This time it would take a few hours, perhaps longer, Castiel wasn't really sure at this point as he laid in pain. His head still turned towards the bathroom as Rachel exited it. He could tell that she was bubbling with anger.. yet he was still unsure why so. 

Her anger was building, and it was likely towards the Archangel that was behind this.. if only she knew. He couldn't find it in himself to say a name of who was behind this. It would likely be a shocker if he said it, perhaps. His attention would stay on her as he heard her question now about moving. Moving hurt no matter how little it was, but he couldn't just lay here, not after what she had done for him. 

“Moving is.. painful.. but I think I can manage” He would say out in a pained voice, as he slid himself near the edge of the bed, and now made his way to his feet. His trenchcoat falling off of him, it seemed to be the only thing that hadn't been touched by blood or anything, the only thing likely that wouldn't need to be washed or fixed up, the rest of his clothes however, were tattered, torn.. pink or red from the blood. It would be seen as he moved towards her, his back showing through the shirt that was torn. 

It took the worst of the beating he got. Stumbling slowly forward, his blue orbs would look from the bathroom, to Rachel, where he would stop and say, as his left hand lightly touched her shoulder. “You did more than anyone ever could, you changed the future.. thank you” His word's were followed by a slight smile, as he stumbled towards the opened door. His back fully to her now, with his trenchcoat now off, his wings could even be seen, folded into one another, they were bloodstained, and shaking. 

Fresh tears came to her blue eyes as the blonde noticed the damage on the angel's back. Even through his blood stained shirt, she could see the extent of his injuries. Biting her tongue, Rachel folded her arms across her chest as she leaned against the door frame, watching the angel like a hawk. The moment he looked as if he needed help, she would rush to his side. 

"Your wings.." It was the first time had had seen them, and they looked worse for wear. The blonde pressed her lips together tightly as she thought. His wings would need cleaning, they were matted with blood. How did angels normally go about cleaning their wings? 

Realizing that she had been standing there watching Castiel prepare for his bath, the blonde quickly averted her eyes to give him some privacy. Her cheeks blushed a slight pink once more. "I'll make you a cup of tea once you're settled in the bath. Just chuck me your clothes that need washing and fixing.."


	16. Chapter 16

Nearly falling forward, the pain seeming to be horrible at times as he moved more. He was quick to grab the wall, grasping it with both of his hands. It was here he would look back and he was quick to notice the fresh tears from Rachel Winchester. The sight.. it was enough to cause him to shed a blood tear, as he looked to her. He hated anyone seeing him like this, in such a broken form. He stayed against the wall, grasping what he could to stay upright. 

He hadn't shown his wings to anyone since he first appeared to Sam and Dean, otherwise they were always hidden by the trenchcoat. He would hear her mention them. They probably looked horrible right now, matted with blood, some feathers missing, after being plucked from him, which alone was painful to even think about. The very thought made his wings shake. It wasn't common for a angel to have to clean them, because this wasn't such a common thing, them covered in blood or getting in such a way. 

Castiel hadn't done much yet, besides allowing the coat drop near the bed. Yet he was quick to notice that she turned away. Likely realizing she was still staring, her face becoming flushed. It had happened a few times now, he had noticed that from her, it was something he was trying to understand, as he pushed himself along, forward towards the bathtub. Undoing the tie he usually wore, he would toss, before the shirt, that was going to need to be washed of blood, and perhaps sewed in some places. The pants he wore, the undergarments seemed to be fine, the pants only dirty from a few drops of blood. 

It was somewhat tricky to get into the tub, bending and moving into a sitting position seemed to cause a few groans to escape him as he lowered into the water, the soap covering him mostly, his wings touching some of the water, the feeling.. it seemed to help ease him, like she had said. It was a first experience for him, this. He felt so exposed, even with the bubbles covering him, now he felt like one of the cupids who went around naked. The image had him shake his head slightly, which alone hurt, but it was habit. 

“Rachel..” He spoke up, his voice sounding so worn, so broken. “I know you are questioning why I have come to you, not once, but twice now.. in such.. bad states” He would say out as he tried to think of what he could say. “You likely have.. many questions, you are welcome to ask them.. you have shown me that you are ones I can trust, ones I can say, perhaps.. care?” 

The blonde had decided to give the angel a bit of privacy as he stepped into the bath tub. She had left the room with some spare change, only to return a few moments later with the promised cup of tea in her hands and a needle and some thread in her jeans pocket. With Castiel now settled in the bath water, and covered with the bubbles, Rachel felt comfortable enough to enter the bathroom to hand the angel the plastic cup. "I don't know how you like your tea, but you should drink it. It'll help you feel a bit better." She offered him a gentle smile, as she closed the toilet seat lid. She bent down to pick up the angel's torn clothes on the tiled floor, before she sat down and made a start fixing the fabric.

Rachel had lost count of the number of times she had done the very same thing for herself and her brothers. As much as Sam and Dean requested that she stayed back on whatever hunt they took up, there were often times where her skills and expertise were needed. Fixing clothes, even those that were broken during times of violence, often calmed the blonde down. It gave her something normal to focus on, gave her an excuse to forget about the supernatural for a few moments.

The angel's words caused the blonde to look up from her stitching of his white shirt, her eyebrows knotted together. Of course she had questions, a lot of them in fact. But to hear that he had come to trust her brought a soft smile to her lips. Her facial features softened, as her blue eyes looked back down at the shirt in her hands. "Of course I care about you. I just don't know why I've come to care for you so much so quickly." Her trained fingers pulled on the thread to close one of the tears in Castiel's shirt. "I don't think now is the best time for you to answer my questions, not whilst you're hurting so bad.. Maybe when you're feeling a bit better we can have that coffee and talk then?"


	17. Chapter 17

The privacy he now had, he had used it to check on some of his wounds, some of them deeper than he had even know. His wings, he would move slightly, trying to get them in a more comfortable position, yet with them being knotted up, matted, because of the blood, it hurt to do much, even pull them apart. Giving up on that for now, he would stop to slightly mess with the bubbles, he was almost like a child for that brief moment.. more or less because he wasn't familiar with this.

When Rachel returned, the plastic cup offered to him, heard uttered word's about the tea and not knowing how he liked it, he responded as he took it. “I'm not picky.. like many.. I take and accept what is given to me.” Castiel would respond with, sipping it. It seemed to feel good on a slightly sore throat of which he had.. as for why, well screaming of course. Something he had done when answers were wanted during his torture. He wouldn't say a word. Not a word.. he could never do that. 

Sipping the tea slowly, as he laid in the bath. Slowly but surely the pain in his body, it seemed to feel less and less painful. That may have been a mix of his healing and the bath. Some of the minor things around his neck, were starting to heal up and disappear, while the worse of it, his chest, his back, were healing a whole lot slower. Silence between the two as he laid in the warm bubbly water, while she fixed up his clothes. 

She had done lot more for him than he could have ever imagined and it meant a lot to him. So he indeed trusted her, more so than he could likely explain in human word's. Hearing her uttered word's now on becoming so caring of him in such a fast time, even that confused that and made him wonder. “Sometimes thing happens that we just can't explain.. this may be one of those” He would come to admit as he looked back to her, a soft smile appearing. 

Hearing the mention of coffee, he gave a slight nod of his head, remembering that. “I did promise we would have that when I returned, I shall not break that. Coffee and questions, we can likely do that in not too much longer.” Well so he hoped. As he moved slightly, his wings continued shaking, a feeling he didn't much like, or the feeling of how they were at the moment, but that would change soon enough as he leaned down more into the water, maybe it would unknot them, get them less matted. It seemed to be helping so far, as he felt them slowly start to pull apart, as he sat back up. 

The sight of his wings shaking caused the blonde to frown in concern. She quickly came to the realization that the angel would not be able to wash the blood out of his own wings without help. A soft smile graced her lips as she put the needle and thread on the floor along with his shirt, before she stood up and crossed the small area to the bath to kneel down besides Castiel. 

"If you pass me the shampoo, I'll wash the blood out of your wings for you." Rachel offered, rolling the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows. Even though her shirt wasn't an expensive one and had been ruined a number of times in the past, she didn't feel like getting it wet. "..Or, are humans even allowed to touch your wings?"

The thought had never crossed the blonde's mind before, as her eyebrows knotted together in confusion. There was so much about celestial lore and rules that she didn't understand, didn't know about and it fascinated her. She wanted to learn all she could, without seeming like she was pushing Castiel. If he was uncomfortable with her questioning, she knew she would stop. 

Washing his own wing's, washing his wing's to begin with would be a new one for him. Sure he could reach some parts, but fully? Not likely. The blue orbs of the angel would watch as a look of concern came to the youngest Winchester, yet it was replaced with a soft smile, as she put the needle and thread and shirt on the floor, before making her way towards him. 

His head tilted slightly in confusion, watching her now kneel down beside him. The offer she now made, a slightly embarrassed look came to the face of Castiel, his eye's darting around a bit at this. The question now asked if a human could touch a angels wing's, he hadn't been asked that before, certainly a first. Watching her for a moment as her face showed confusion, he spoke. 

“Anyone but a demon can touch a angels wing's, well I mean they can.. but it is something we don't allow” He would come to say out as his attention stayed on her. The offer she made, certainly wasn't what he had expected. “An angels wing's though are.. highly sensitive to touch. But I'm sure.. I can handle it” Someone actually touching his wing's that wasn't another angel, certainly would be different. 

His orbs now looking to the shampoo, he read it over for a moment, curious, before handing it to her. Not like it could do any real damage to his wing's, so he wasn't worried. But apparently it would make him smell like strawberries, as he had read just a second ago. His wing's moved slightly as he leaned forward, they weren't small to say the least, for now they were together, which made them look maybe smaller than normal, but if he were to let them expand, which in time he would have to, the true size of them would be seen.


	18. Chapter 18

Rachel accepted the bottle of shampoo from the angel with a gentle smile on her lips. She popped open the lid and emptied a small amount onto the palm of her hand. Using her other hand, she hesitantly reached out and softly touched one of the feathers of his wings, her blue eyes trained on Castiel's face to see if he felt any kind of discomfort. Slowly and ever so gently, the blonde massaged the shampoo into the wings, bubbles quickly forming as she did. She glanced at her soap covered hands, to find the bubbles a pinkish red from the blood. 

Exactly just how much of his blood had soaked into his wings? Her face fell into a sad expression as she continued her work, being as gentle as possible. Castiel had mentioned that angels found their wings to be sensitive, and she didn't want to cause him anymore pain than what he had already endured.

The more the massaged the angel's wings, the more of the blood she managed to wash off. The wet feathers felt slightly strange under her fingertips, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" Rachel's blue eyes snapped back towards the angel's face. "I think I've managed to get the majority of the blood out.." 

Castiel was slightly doing a human habit of biting his lower lip as he heard her open the shampoo bottle. As soon as her hand touched his wing's, his wing's slightly flinched from the touch, but that was not a bad thing, just something that happened with being touched, from how sensitive they actually were. The look on his face though, would show that he wasn't in any way shape or form, in discomfort. 

The amount of blood in his wing's was hard to say, but there was a lot. Yet as her hand's moved gently through the feathers, soft feeling and almost hard to describe the feeling of them, the blood was slowly but surely being cleaned off of them. The water around him was pink, turning darker the more blood that was cleaned from him. Turning his attention to that, his hand lifted up, using a bit of water to clean some of the blood that had even ended up in his hair, but that was a easy thing to clean. 

His attention went back to Rachel now as she spoke. “No.. not at all.. it feels.. comforting” Castiel would come to admit, as her fingertips touched the black wing's of the angel. Hearing next that she likely got the majority of the blood out, it made him feel much better knowing that. Yet he would likely have to find out by expanding his wing's.. which would be tricky. He would need to move into a different position into the tub, facing her, keeping himself hidden by the bubbles that remained, his back to the wall now fully and slowly but surely he expanded his wing's. 

They were no longer matted, shaking still they did, but it seemed to be a little less then what they had been doing before. His wing's were still somewhat folded in a bit, since the room was somewhat small, but it was enough for him to at least do a look over of his own wings, seemed she had indeed gotten a majority of the blood out and he could once again move them without so much pain. A soft smile appeared for a moment, his attention to her as he spoke. “Thank you.. I think if you hadn't done that, my wing's would have likely stuck like that for awhile” 

The slight shaking of the wings caused water droplets to fall from the feathers, coating the bathroom floor slightly and dampening the blonde's shirt. Not that the paid much attention to her shirt, her blue eyes watched in amazement at how the wings expanded, almost taking up the entire room. "They're beautiful.." She gasped, not able to take her eyes off of the feathers. There was still a little bit of blood stuck to the tips of the feathers, however, Rachel was pretty sure that the angel would be able to clean them without any problems.

Clearing her throat and shaking her head lightly, the blonde quickly gathered up the dirty and torn clothes from the floor, her needle and thread, and quickly pushed herself to her feet. "There is a bag of Dean's clothes under the bed, help yourself to anything in there. I'll go and put this lot in the wash for you.." Her blue eyes turned back to the angel in the bath tub and she shot him a quick smile. "There is a towel there for you to dry off with.." With that being said, she exited the bathroom, leaving Castiel to finish off and dry himself in peace.

The washing machine wasn't too difficult to operate. Just putting the coins into the slot, emptying the box of washing powder into the compartment and pressing the on button after loading the clothes into the drum. And yet, neither Sam or Dean could manage that by themselves. A chuckle escaped Rachel's lips at the thought. The last time either of her brothers had attempted to do the washing, the had found them on the floor in a middle of a pile of bubbles. The memory was still fresh in her mind.

"Are you Rachel Winchester?"

The unfamiliar voice from behind her caused the blonde's heart to thud against her chest. She quickly spun around to see a tall man wearing a suit standing in the doorway of the laundry room. A lump formed in her throat as she folded her arms across her chest defensively. "Depends on whose asking.."

"I was sent to find you." The man stepped further into the laundry room, blocking off the only exit. "Someone needs you to pass on a message to Dean.." Out of the corner of her blue eyes, the blonde noticed an angel blade fall from the man's sleeve.


	19. Chapter 19

The angels wing's were not so easy to control while they shook, not currently. They had gotten some water on both the bathroom floor and onto her shirt, he had tried to avoid that when he had moved his wing's, yet he had failed that. “I'm.. sorry about that..” He would apologize for getting her shirt slightly wet with the water. His attention would watch as the look of amazement came to her, and she gasped. 

The comment on his wing's, it was a bit surprising. He had never heard someone say such a compliment on them, but then again.. when he only let other angels see them, it was no surprise that he wouldn't hear such a thing from someone. The fact that she seemed to stare at them, he tilted his head slightly, before in the corner of his eye he noticed a little bit of blood at the tips. But he could easily fix that. He quickly cleaned it off. Before he would speak again. 

“Thank you.. can't say anyone has ever said that about my wing's before” He would say out as she cleared her throat and gathered the needle and his clothes, before pushing herself up off of the floor. His head still tilted as he heard her mention a bag of clothes for him, Dean's clothes. He had a feeling the eldest Winchester would feel weird seeing the angel in some of his clothes, perhaps. He wasn't fully sure. “Thank you, Rachel..” Once again being polite, which was of course normal for him, in certain things. 

Once she had left, the towel was the first thing he grabbed, drying himself off and even cleaning out the tub, which was quick, with a slight wave of his hand. Most of his body seemed in better condition then before, which was a good thing for him. A deep breath escaped him as he dressed himself in the eldest Winchester's clothes, which seemed a little baggy on him. Of course he didn't mind it, he'd deal with it for now. 

Once finished, he was quick to grab his coat, putting it on. Well at least he felt a little better knowing he still had that to hide his wing's, he needed to do that when in public. It was in this moment, something felt... off. Castiel had made it impossible for angels to find both Sam and Dean.. but he had never done that for Rachel, he never thought it would be needed. It was now he realized, how much danger he likely just put her into. 

He wasn't fully healed, he was still in pain but he completely let go of any of that and used what strength he had to find the laundry room. He knew the scent of an angel when it was near, and he knew the sound of them.. no matter how silent they tried to be. This angel was sent by Michael the archangel, he knew it. He couldn't allow him to send this message. She had helped him not once but twice, and he had done nothing but put her in danger now, he had to do something, no he needed to do something.. 

The moment the angel blade slipped from the angels sleeve, and his word's before that had reached Castiel's ear's, he spoke out. “Hey assbutt!” Castiel wasn't known for swearing, he didn't know much when it came to that, but it was enough to catch the other angel off guard, who turned to face Castiel. His coat flew off, his wing's fully out, no matter how much it hurt, the younger angel rushing towards him, the two at each other now, the blade from the other angel trying his hardest to kill Cas, he had no blade.. he had given his to the Winchesters some time ago, as he tried to fight this off, heated word's were spoken, but none of it was in English. But what had been spoken, was not at all pleasant. 

It was in this moment, he wasn't sure what to actually do, he hadn't thought that far ahead. Maybe try to get the blade from the angel he fought, with what strength he did have, or maybe somehow she would realize it was safe for her to escape. He wasn't sure if she had the blade still, or if Dean had it, he hadn't a clue. “Go!” He could finally yell out, either to find her brothers and leave, or just flee to a safe place, he was sure she knew how to use the symbol that he had shown them at one time, if so she would be safe at least for now. As for himself? He wasn't so sure. As his eye's started to glow, with what strength he had regained, he was trying his hardest to get the upper hand. Upper hand.. his right hand glowed next, as he touched the throat of the angel, causing him to slightly groan out in pain, but it wasn't enough to get him to let go of the blade, that was inches from his chest. Anything to protect the Winchester's, all of them. No matter what, he had done it before, he'd gladly die for them...


	20. Chapter 20

Her blue eyes switched from one angel to the other as they exchanged words in what she had guessed were their own language. It was one of the few languages that the blonde had never been able to translate, perhaps humans weren't supposed to understand it? She found herself pressed up against one of the washing machines in an attempt to keep as far from the angel with the blade as she possibly could.

At no point had she expected Castiel to come to her rescue, but that didn't mean that she wasn't glad that he had. He still looked weak, not up to full strength which did scare her a little bit. The blonde wasn't about to let her new friend hurt himself even further for her sake. Seeing Castiel unable to get the upper-hand against the other angel, the blonde knew she had to do something, and quick. It didn't matter that she had never taken on an angel before, never been placed in a situation where she needed to defend herself from one. As long as she could help Castiel in his weakened state then she would consider this fight a victory. 

Pushing herself off of the washing machine, Rachel didn't pay a second thought to anything as she wrapped her arm around the other angel's throat and pulled him backwards with all her strength, managing to drag him away from Castiel. There was no doubt in her mind that the angel wasn't expecting her to get involved, the shock of it allowing her to get the upper-hand for a quick moment, the shock causing him to drop the angel blade. The shock only seemed to last long enough for the blonde to drag him as far from Castiel as she possibly could, before the angel managed to pull a fast one. He managed to spin around in her arm and push her back up against the wall, his own hand on her throat as he pinned her in place. 

Their own language wasn't one for human ears, it had been heard before but it was more along the lines of high pitched sounds most of the time, here though the two in their human vessels, it sounded much more toned down, yet still not meant for humans or anyone besides angels to understand. The fight, between them it was one Castiel is his current state was not likely to win, not on his own. He was trying, that at least he could say, well if he survived if. That was the thing. 

He had yelled for her to go, he wanted her to flee, escape, get to some sort of safety before any harm could actually come to her. Dean and Sam, where were they? He wasn't even sure at this point. If around, they likely would have heard this, so he had thought, but then again he hadn't a clue and he had no real chance to think of much, other than trying to fight and continue to do so until one she was out of here and safe, or until this angel somehow died. 

Castiel soon realized she hadn't decided to flee, no what happened next he didn't expect. Neither angel expected this, her arm quickly wrapped around the other angels throat and pulled him back, enough for Castiel to actually get back. As soon as the blade dropped, he was quick to pick it up. The quick movement from the other angel, putting the blonde against the wall, this.. he had enough. 

Angels messing with him he could handle, messing with those he cared for was crossing a line in his book. His eye's glowed with anger, a quick jab with his hand, the angel blade going right through the back of the angel, who's body now glowed, bright white light coming from his eye's, and his mouth and the wound as he screamed out. The body, the vessel now fell limp, falling now to the ground as Castiel took the blade out. 

“This is my fault.. I should have known they would have followed..” He was quick to put blame on himself, but then again it was in a sense his fault, he should have hidden her from the rest of the angels, but he had completely thought it wasn't needed, it was his bad thinking that he assumed made this situation happen. His wing's now closed, folding behind him as he stood there, his blue orbs upon her as he stepped forward. “Are you.. alright?”


	21. Chapter 21

She closed her eyes as tightly as she could and turned her head to one side the instant she noticed the light glow coming from the angel's mouth and eyes. Her throat ached, but it was nothing she couldn't cope with. She'd had worse in the past. Upon hearing the dull thud of the angel's vessel falling to the floor, the blonde blinked her eyes open. A sigh of relief fell from her lips as she rested the back of her head against the wall for a long moment.

Her blue eyes fell upon Castiel. A small smile formed on her lips as she realized that he was okay, unharmed. Her smile faded when she heard him blaming himself for what had happened. Her eyebrows knotted together in confusion. How was this his fault? The angel hadn't come looking for him, he had come looking for her. "Don't.." Rachel shook her head lightly, as she pushed herself off of the wall to walk closer towards him. Biting the skin on her bottom lip, the blonde hesitated for a moment before she wrapped her arms around the angel's shoulders and hugged him.

"Don't think for one second that this is your fault. I'm okay, you're okay. That's all that matters right now." She spoke softly. Of course, she was curious as to what message the other angel had wanted to send to her brother. Was it her death? Or was his intentions just to hurt her? A part of her didn't really want to know. Rachel was just glad that the two of them managed to take care of the problem. 

It was smart of her to close her eye's tightly and look away when the glow of white came from the dying angel. Castiel hated that he had to do that to one of his own, he had to do this more and more it seemed and each time it ate away at him. Each time he felt more and more horrible for killing one of his own brothers or sisters. The angel stood there silent, his head tilted slightly as he looked at the lifeless vessel now of a fallen brother by his own hand. 

His attention went back to the blonde haired Winchester now as he watched her let out a sigh of relief as she looked to him and let a small smile appear upon her lips. Yet, it faded after he blamed himself. He did blame himself, for a lot. This was another of those many things as he stood there. While the angel hadn't come for him, which he knew well enough, he had come here because of him, because he had followed where Gabriel had sent him and because of that, it was his fault. 

None of the angels would have known if it hadn't been for him being sent here. He would hear her uttered word, he wasn't sure what to say as she looked to him and now walked towards him. His head tilted slightly as he watched her bite at the skin of her lower lip before her arms wrapped around him into a hug, as she spoke up. 

“We are safe, for now.. but I must do one thing to make sure they can't find you again..” He would say out as he lifted his hand up, placing it over her heart, a slight shock to her she would feel, and there deep within, he placed a mark on her, that would keep her hidden from other angels. “I should have done that sooner, for that I am sorry” He wrapped his other hand around her, gently as he hugged her back in return. Now what the other angel was going to do or say.. he had a feeling he had a idea, but he didn't think it was a good idea for him to say, it wouldn't happen now, and it wouldn't happen again, so he hoped. 

The blonde had not been expecting the sharp shock in her chest. A small hiss escaped her clenched teeth. However, as soon as the pain had appeared, it was gone again. Had the angel just branded her, like he had done for Sam and Dean? She had thought being branded wasn't necessary for her, she wasn't wanted by either Heaven or Hell. However, it seemed that the thought of the angels wanting to find her, use her to send messages to her brother, wasn't something that had crossed anyone's mind.. Not even hers.

She buried her head into the crook of Castiel's neck for a long moment, before she slowly eased herself out of the hug. Her hand remained on his arm though, almost as if she needed physical evidence that he was okay and unharmed. With her free hand, she ran her fingers through her blonde hair before she turned her blue eyes to look into the angel's own blue orbs.

"How about that coffee?" Rachel suggested, a small but tired smile forming on her lips as she tilted her head a little. "I don't think its such a good idea to over exert yourself, not until you've healed a bit more. Just take the rest of the afternoon to rest up?"


	22. Chapter 22

The sound that the angel now heard once he had placed this mark, was to be expected. He was pretty sure that she was thinking or questioning why she may have needed that, but what had just happened should be enough to answer that. Angels would return if he hadn't.. worse would come if he hadn't done that. Of course, danger still would be a thing for them, just they would not be as hunted for the time being, not while hidden. 

The feeling of her head buried into the crook of his neck, it was a different feeling for the angel, one that Cas certainly wasn't used to. He remained quiet, his arm still around her during this, in a way to comfort her, before she eased back from the hug, yet kept her own hand remained on his arm. A half smile would appear, trying to show that he was alright without saying it. 

The mention of coffee that now broke the silence, Castiel would nod his head. “Good a time as any now” He would finally respond as he watched her smile once more. “Rest.. angels never really needed that before. But the longer I stay here on Earth, the more it seems that changes” Interesting that certainly was, the more he would notice himself change, acting more human at times, minor but it was noticeable. Maybe he was forcing this change to make his time here on Earth, to better understand humanity. 

"Let me find some change in my room. We can sit outside until the machine stops." Granted, the washing machine would take around an hour to finish its cycle and then the blonde would have to transfer the angel's clothing to one of the dryers and put that on a cycle. However, it would give the two of them the chance to talk and learn about each other, have their questions answered.

Rachel released Castiel's arm as she slipped out of the laundry room. Hurrying across the yard to her room, the weight of what had just happened dawned on her. Attacked by an angel, most probably because they weren't getting their own way. As silly as it sounded, it had frightened her. Never had she thought that there would be a time where she would have to defend herself or a friend against something she had grown up believing were the nicest and purest things in existence.. How wrong had she been?

Finding some loose change in her room was starting to become more of a chore as every day slipped by. She spent too much on the coffee machine. The obvious places had been cleaned out, her purse, the small table, the drawer of the night stand.. It took her a few minutes to dig through her duffle-bag to find a few coins. Making a mental note to ask Dean to send her some money, the blonde quickly slipped out of the room and closed the door behind her before her feet automatically walked her towards the machine.

What was she going to ask Castiel? What would be considered too personal to ask an angel? There were so many things the blonde wanted to know, so many answers that had been kept from her throughout her life. She slipped the coins into the slot and waited for the machine to brew the two cups, as her mind ran all over the shop. What would Castiel ask her? What if either of them touched upon a subject the other didn't want to talk about? 

Trying to figure out money, coins to make things work.. all of that was something the angel still did not quite understand. Yet he would give a nod of his head as he heard her mention finding some change, and that they could stay outside while the machines were doing whatever it was they were supposed to be doing, cleaning his clothes, but how? Once again something he didn't quite understand. 

When Rachel now released him and slipped out of the laundry room, leaving him there with his own thoughts now, well that and a dead body. He would change that as his hand glowed over the body, which would soon make it vanish. As he did this, the wing's of the fallen brother could be seen. This brought a tear, as he made that too vanish. 

Killing his own brothers and sisters.. it wasn't what he ever wanted to do. What he ever imagined he would have to do just to save a humans life, but these humans... they meant so much to him. No matter what he had to do, he would protect them, even if he had to kill his own family to do so. No matter how much it hurt at the same time. But he had to, these brothers and sisters.. they were doing wrong. 

Angels were never said to be kind, no.. if one truly read the bible, the stories of angels.. they would see that while they were pure, they were dangerous. But this? This was something different.. it was happening because Lucifer was having the biggest tantrum of his life, and the humans were dealing with it for such stupid reasons. Castiel stood there silent, his mind filled with so much. His attention went down to the angel blade in his hand. His blue orbs looked over the bloody blade, before wiping it clean with a small gesture of his hand. He hadn't moved from that room, not yet. He was trying to mourn in a sense for the loss of another brother, killed by his own hand. 

He couldn't continue to stay there though. He was going to keep his promise to the blonde Winchester. Coffee and talking.. questions she had needed to be answered. What would she ask? He wasn't sure, but he would answer what he could. What would he ask? Did he have many questions? That made him think as he turned to walk outside. His eye's upon the sky once again as he placed his trenchcoat back on, to cover up his wing's.


	23. Chapter 23

With a plastic cup of coffee in each hand, the young blonde made her way back over towards the laundry room, her mind still running with questions that she wanted to ask the angel, her stomach still churning at the fear of what questions he would ask her. Of course, whatever questions he asked, she would answer the best that she possibly could. It would be interesting to hear his questions, to have someone not used to how humans lived their lives, not used to their own little rituals and quirks.. It would almost be like trying to teach a child. 

Not that she minded. If their lives had been different, if she and her brothers hadn't grown up as hunters, Rachel would've loved to have been a teacher. To have an impact on young lives, to fill their heads with knowledge and to give their little hearts a purpose..

Castiel stood outside the laundry room, head tilted back as he looked up to the sky. The blonde pressed her lips together as she watched him for a moment. He looked so sad, and she didn't like it. She hated seeing others upset. Maybe, she was delusional in wanting to live in a happier world? No demons, no Apocalypse.. Just humans living out their lives. Wives greeting their husbands as they came home from work, children playing with each other in the streets, crime at an all time low just like in the cartoons that she and Sam used to watch when they were kids.

"Here you go." Rachel broke the silence as she stepped forward, offering one of the cups of coffee to the angel. "Again, I'm not sure how you take your coffee, but I remember you said you like the taste of it. Unfortunately, this is motel crap so its not the nicest of stuff, but it hits the spot just the same." She offered him a small smile, before she raised her own cup to her lips. 

The age of the angel, it was unknown. It wasn't something that Castiel had ever brought up but the older Winchester brothers had assumed that the angel was up there in age, but still around many of his own family he was still quite young. Which would likely explain why so much of the human race, how they did things, how they lived, the devices.. everything, was so confusing and new to him. 

His older brothers and sisters had no problem with any of this stuff it seemed, Gabriel at least proved that he had a good idea of everything, unlike him. So he was much like a child. He had been teased about that plenty, hence why some called him a baby in a trenchcoat, the nickname seemed fitting with how innocent he was, and of course with always wearing the trenchcoat. 

His questions, if he had any.. they would probably be easy for her to answer. Simply to teach him more of how the human world worked. Perhaps if he felt comfortable he would ask her personal questions about herself. Castiel didn't know anything about the youngest Winchester, this he now realized. Neither of them knew much about each other, if anything at all. 

Sadness, it showed on his features as he looked up at the sky. Once again looking lost and looking for answers.. answers and someone that would not come. He tried to hold himself together, he had just about broken down, so very close. Yet before anything happened, the silence was broken by Rachel's voice as she spoke up. 

His attention went from the sky to her, and the cup she now offered him. Coffee, it was something he was starting to like. A soft smile would appear upon his face as he took it. “I'm sure it will taste.. fine” He would say out before he too lifted the cup to his lips, sipping it. Well it wasn't as good as most of the coffee he was used to, but it would do. “Should we find a place to sit? And we can start the questions? But at the same time, I'm fine with standing” 

"Its entirely up to you." The blonde tilted her head a little as she looked up at the angel. "You've had a pretty rough time recently, so its whatever you feel is best for you." Rachel was comfortable sitting or standing, whichever Castiel thought was best for himself. She wasn't going to judge him if he wanted to take the weight off of his feet and sit down.

She suddenly felt nervous again. She used both hands to hold the plastic cup, the warmth seeping through to her fingers, burning her skin ever so slightly. The thought of upsetting Castiel by asking him certain questions fueled her nerves. Upsetting him and causing him any discomfort was not what she intended on doing, however, Rachel had a serious habit of putting her foot in it. Unintentionally, of course. 

The young blonde could tell by the simple look on the angel's face that the motel coffee wasn't the best he'd ever had. Was he simply being polite by accepting it and drinking it? A small smile crossed her lips at the thought. Was Castiel always a gentleman? 

"I guess, I'll start with the questions.." She allowed a long breath to escape from her lips. One of them had to start, and she couldn't bear the thought of the angel struggling to break the ice, losing his confidence in doing so. She took another sip of her coffee. "A pretty obvious one, an easy one to start off with.. What is it like? Heaven, well, before all this mess kicked off. It can't be all halos and clouds and harps, everyone wearing white, big pearly gates.."


	24. Chapter 24

Sitting or standing either he could choose, of course he had a third option if he so choose to use it. He could use his wing's to have himself just float a bit. That would put some strain on his wing's though, and he wondered if that was even a wise choice, perhaps not. Looking around for a moment, he would spot a small table they could sit at. Perhaps it was best to sit, less pressure on his feet after what he had gone through. 

“Sitting I think may be best for the both of us. We have both been on our feet for awhile” He would say as he sipped the coffee again. He wasn't a picky one on anything given to him, and that was how a angel was, and how they were meant to be, taught, seered into their brains more or less, but even they could change, while he stayed that way. 

His blue orbs would study her, and he could tell she was nervous. The actions she did, wrapping both hands around the somewhat hot cup, that enough could tell her. And the way she looked, he could tell by her facial expressions. Reading people, he could do that at times. Now, the look on his own face, likely said that the coffee while it wasn't that great, made him perhaps look as if he was just being nice by accepting it, yet that wasn't the case. But was Castiel a gentleman? Certainly not. He had his bad moments, but who didn't? Even angels had them. 

His head tilted as he smiled softly as she spoke up again. She would ask the first question. That helped him at least, because he wasn't even sure what he would have asked first. Now, confidence, he didn't have much left, not in himself. Yet he seemed to look like he did, he showed bravery and confidence at times, but he lacked it more then he let on. 

The first question now asked. What was heaven like? Before all this happened, oh how lovely it had once been.. His eye's looking up to the sky once again as he spoke up. “Before all of this.. it was beautiful.. peaceful.. minus the occasional problem. Questioning of our fathers ways, most of that happened by Lucifer. But once he was cast out, everything was peaceful. Each person who went to Heaven, they were given their own piece of paradise.. it would be special for each person. You would see your loved ones again, your family, friends.. lovers, even pets.” 

Explaining Heaven to someone in human terms, it was difficult. “No one wears white, unless they wish to. They get to wear their favorite outfit, and if they get tired of it they are welcome to change it. Heaven is still beautiful, the garden.. what one would see of it though, would differ.. but it would be beautiful none the less. But.. right now, it lacks much of the beauty, because of Lucifer's tantrum” The word he used last, he had picked up here on Earth, and it seemed fitting to describe what was happening with Lucifer. 

“Halo's, harps.. all nonsense. I mean we can make that sort of thing appear but we don't have those hovering over our heads as many have drawn in books, what humans imagine Heaven is like.. far from what one would see when you go there. But now..” Castiel would lower his head for a moment as he paused, it seemed the question had a slight affect. “It has all changed..” 

Now it was time for Castiel to ask a question, but where would he start? A simple question.. yes a simple question. But what was simple? He thought for a moment before speaking up. "What is the meaning of.. money? Using for making certain things work? Or to get.. objects, food?" He was curious on that, certainly. He was confused on it. Of course all the questions he likely could have asked, it had been that one. Likely a laughable question.


	25. Chapter 25

The meaning of money? Of all the questions he could've asked, the angel had asked about money. In a strange way, his question put the blonde at ease. And yet, it made her pause for a long moment to think about how she would answer. She brought her coffee to her lips once more and took a sip.

"A very long time ago, it was decided that services and goods would be exchanged for currency. I'm not sure who's great idea it was, I've never really given it much thought, but its a root of evil." The blonde tilted her head a little as she looked at Castiel, hoping that she was able to explain without confusing him even more. "Humans have come to need money to survive. They need to pay rent and bills, they need to buy food and clothing. So, they work for the money. There are some people who are greedy, and try to take money that doesn't rightly belong to them.." Of all the questions he could've asked, Castiel just had to ask a difficult one. Albeit, it wasn't personal, which the blonde was thankful for. "The people who work get paid a wage every month, from which they then have to pay for the roof over their head, the water that they drink and use to take showers, the electricity they use to light their homes. If they didn't work, they wouldn't be able to pay for the services they use and they would have their supplies cut off and their homes taken from them."

Rachel took a long moment to think about the rest of her answer. It was obvious that the angel had gained an interest after understanding that her coins had paid for the hot drinks and for the washing machine. Maybe it was a good idea to use one of them as an example..

"Take the washing machine for example. I needed to wash dirty clothes, which meant that I needed a service. I had to put money into the machine to pay for the water and the electricity that I would be using. The companies who provide those services don't let people use it for nothing, as they have to pay their staff to fix problems and answer questions from customers. Its a big vicious circle, but its one of the human ways of life that we've come to accept."

How else could she explain it? The young blonde made a mental note to take the angel to the store the next time she needed to buy anything, just to try to teach him a little more about money and how it was spent and why. She brought the cup of coffee to her lips once more as she thought of another question that she could ask him. Maybe it was wise to stay away from the topic of Heaven and angels? Rachel had noticed the look on Castiel's face when he had described Heaven. He missed it, and it saddened him. 

"What do you really look like?" She perked a thin eyebrow. "I know your body is a vessel, that what I'm seeing now isn't what you truly look like." 

Perhaps the strangest question he could have asked or could have started with to say the least, yet it had been the one to come to mind. It made sense for him to ask though and to be curious about after what he had just watched some time ago. Of course he had seen this several times from the Winchester boys and never then did he question it, only now had it become something he was highly curious about.

The answer he would get, now while it did confuse him a bit, it also answered his question. But in the same way it also had him question why humans made things so.. complicated, on themselves. It honestly had him want to question that, but perhaps that was a question that couldn't get answered, so he would pass on that one. 

How she explained it though, did make him curious. He had no money, he had seen what it looked like, strange coins and paper like money with faces on them, it amused him that he knew. “Such a odd thing.. currency.. the way it is needed, relied on so much.. how it turns people greedy.. makes them become horrible. I don't understand why it had to be made. It should not exist” Castiel would respond, wording his opinion on what he thought of money. 

When she had asked her question, he did show that he did in a sense miss Heaven, and speaking of other angels, his brothers.. sisters.. it saddened him a tad, yet it wasn't such a hard topic to deal with. But he noticed she seemed to see the affect it had on him when he had answered the question. The newest question, on how he actually looked.. now that was a tough one. 

Castiel would sip the coffee, half of it gone by this time. How would he answer such a question? A slight smile would appear as he spoke up. “To explain what I look like, well.. my true form.. to start with I'm as tall as the Chrysler building, perhaps a bit taller. My wing's.. you think they are big now, they are much much bigger when in my true form. As for my facial looks, I can say that myself and Jimmy Novak.. this.. vessel, look somewhat alike. Though my hair was darker than his, black as coal.. my eye's, blue but brighter, which I show when I use my powers. The rest of me.. it is almost at times hard to remember” 

He had been in this form for so long, remembering his true self seemed almost difficult, but he did share a lot of the same features as Novak, the vessel. “I would show my true self, but.. the last time I did that I ended up blinding a person.. humans aren't supposed to see an angels true form, never understood why, but it is.. impossible” Castiel would explain. 

Now what would he ask for a second question? His first one had been a weird one to start with, but he had to start somewhere. “I have been around you for a short while, yet in that time I have seen you show.. different emotions, one's I have yet to understand fully. Emotions.. aren't something angels are meant to know, yet I have been on this Earth long enough to form a few.. anger.. sadness.. fear.. guilt. In that time, you showed the same. When I was healing.. I overheard you, anger filled your voice, I couldn't hear you clearly but you sounded like you were threatening someone.. because of.. me. So my question, is why?” 

This was certainly a different question from the first one he had asked, more personal, but it wasn't something Castiel understood, and since it involved him, he had been wondering that for a bit now. Why she had felt so many emotions due to him.. but anger most of all.


	26. Chapter 26

The blonde pressed her lips together, her eyes narrowing a little as she tried to at least imagine what the angel's true form was like. Not that she had much of an imagination. The best image her mind could come up with was a very tall stick man with huge wings.. Oh, she wished she was able to see it, but she had grown attached to her sight and all the world's beauty that she was able to witness every day. There was no want in her entire body to give all that up to satisfy a moment of curiosity.

Castiel's second question was rather more personal than his first had been, and it completely threw her off guard. Her blue eyes snapped open as her heart caught in her throat. Rachel looked at the angel in shock for a long moment. How the Hell was she supposed to answer that question?

"Uh.." She started to stutter, her eyebrows knotting together as her mind started racing. "..I don't know.." Her eyes dropped down to the rapidly cooling cup of coffee in her hands. How did she explain her emotions to him when she was unable to explain them to herself. "I've come to care for you, maybe more than what I probably should, but that's just me.." Her cheeks flushed lightly as she brought her blue eyes to look up at the angel once more. "Dean has always told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve a little too much, that my kindness and loyalty will probably end up getting me killed. But with every day that goes by, all I see in this world are innocent people getting hurt. I don't understand why they should get hurt, why those who hurt them get away with it."

Now, she was probably sounding more naive and delusional then ever before. There was no doubt in her mind that if Dean was overhearing the conversation, he would more than likely ask her if she was drunk. 

"In the bathroom, I sent out an open prayer to whoever it was that hurt you, and threatened that the same would be done to them." The blonde admitted, as she turned her blue eyes away from Castiel, almost embarrassed to admit to him what she had done. "I don't know why or how I've come to care for you so much so quickly, but seeing you hurt like that upset me. It made me angry that someone could do that to you." 

To know what was personal, what was too much.. that was something the angel lacked, the same could be said about personal space and many other things, people skills was something he was still working on, so Dean Winchester had reminded him plenty. So it was not exactly his intention to ask something so personal, but since it had involved him, he had to know. 

His blue orbs noticed how much this caught her off guard, how her body reacted to his question. Her stuttering, the way she looked down to the cup, her cheeks becoming flushed.. he knew his question had been too personal, or too hard of one to explain. He wasn't sure what kind of an answer he would get, if one at all. 

Standing there silent, his coffee completely finished by this time. His head tilted slightly as he heard her out. “We share that in common.. there is a lot of good in this world, more than most know. I don't like seeing those that are innocent, die because of my brothers and their meaningless war. Taking it out on humanity because Lucifer's jealousy..” Shaking his head as he looked down. 

“I wish I could stop him, if there was any way I could make that happen, I would. But if things were that easy, Lucifer would have died or been sent back quite awhile ago.. it is the fate of your family, to get rid of him, as much as I wish that wasn't the case. But at least I can help in keeping you all.. safe, as best I can” It was true, Castiel wished more then anything to have changed their lives, to make it to where they wouldn't have to be part of this, but he had no such power.. the most he could do was help them, protect them. 

Now the main answer was spoken.. she had prayed, a open prayer not to just god but to the angel or in this case archangel that had done him wrong. His eye's went directly to her as he heard this. A look of shock and fear appeared upon his face. Now that angel showing up certainly made sense.. the threat she had made, had been likely heard and Michael.. hurting her, which would have been the case, but by another hand, rather then his own, at the same time sending a message to Dean and to even him, it all made sense. 

“It was the Archangel, Michael..” Castiel responded. “He is the one who was behind this.. all of this. He sent that angel, not just to send a message to Dean, but to kill you for the threat.. and he knew well enough that wouldn't just send a message to Dean Winchester, but to me as well.” Now what would it have done if she had died? What would that have done to the angel? Emotions, he couldn't fully explain, he didn't quite understand them, but it certainly would have been heartbreaking for him to have witnessed that. 

The two were becoming so close, and if the angel had been able to go along with what he had been ordered to do, it was likely Castiel would have done quite a few drastic things, things that he wouldn't dare explain.. not now anyhow. Castiel was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "Michael.. he was tormenting me for answers.. he wanted to know where any of you were.. he wanted Dean to say yes, I wouldn't say anything. It was because of Gabriel that I even escaped.. but him sending me here, where you weren't hidden, gave them enough to go on, so Michael sent that angel.." 

"Michael can send all the angels he wants." The blonde muttered under her breath, her blue eyes narrowing at her cup of coffee as she allowed the angel's words to process in her mind. "If he is so much of a coward that he has to send other angels to do his dirty work, then maybe he isn't worth the title 'Archangel'." That bubble of anger she had originally felt when Castiel had come to her hurting and broken, it was starting to come back. A part of Rachel wanted to be able to tell Michael straight how she felt about him, another part of her wanted to do to him what he had done to Castiel.

Maybe, it hadn't been such a smart move to put out that open prayer. The blonde hadn't known at the time that Michael had been the one to hurt the angel. She hadn't known why he had been hurt. But, she didn't regret it. Knowing that she had somehow gotten to the Archangel enough that he would want to kill her to prove a point and use her to send a message. Rachel had gathered in the last year that the majority of angels were dicks, she just never believed that Archangel's were the biggest children of all, throwing a temper tantrum when they couldn't get what they wanted.. A smirk crossed her lips at the thought of knowing that Michael would be somewhat annoyed that she was still unharmed, alive and now hidden from him. 

Her blue eyes turned back to Castiel, who had finished his coffee. It still hurt her, knowing that he had been tortured because of her family, but there was nothing she could do to change the past. The blonde reached over and gently took his hand into her own. Her thumb gently brushed over his skin. She was glad to see him regaining his strength, but the image of his chest and back, bruised skin and bloody wings would never leave her memories. Especially now, knowing that he had been put through all of that pain because of her and her family.

"Well, the next time Michael has anything to say, he can come and find me. I'm not letting you go through that pain again, not for the sake of this family.."

Now, it was time for her question, wasn't it? The blonde had to really think hard for a moment. The angel had asked her such a personal question, was it fair to ask a personal one to him? Castiel seemed to be able to open up to her, probably a little more than he opened up with Sam and Dean. Maybe there were a few things on his chest that he wanted to share? Pushing her anger and hatred of Michael to the back of her mind, Rachel pressed her lips together as she thought. 

"What is the one thing you want to experience on Earth?" She perked an eyebrow at the angel, tilting her head ever so slightly as she did. She was curious as to what his answer would be, knowing that she would more than likely do everything within her power to make it happen for Castiel. "The one thing you don't have in Heaven, but humans have on Earth. Something you'd love to have and experience for yourself.."


	27. Chapter 27

An angels hearing was quite good, well his was it seemed. He heard the muttered word's she had said under breath, about Michael. He remained silent, he wasn't sure what he could say about that. But it was certainly interesting to hear her say something like that about the Archangel. Perhaps certain things, she was correct on. The title.. maybe he didn't deserve, and maybe he was a coward. 

His blue orbs would watch her, and he could see the anger returning.. it was something he studied from her this very moment before he would speak. “Michael.. he is a complicated one to understand.. as the older brother he has a lot on his shoulders, but.. he should know better then to do something like this. I don't understand it” Castiel would say, showing that even things his own kind did was confusing at times. 

Certainly not a good idea to make a open prayer threat to the archangel, or to God, both had heard it, yet only one had shown that they had and perhaps that was all that would happen, he hoped so. A deep breath would escape the angel as he looked to her still. He was curious as a smirk crossed her lips. Perhaps she was pleased knowing that Michael was likely angry, annoyed now that he could no longer find any of the Winchesters. Hidden, unharmed, alive.. thanks to Castiel. He knew well enough though that he was going to be hunted even more so then before, since he was the only one who knew where they were. 

Tormented because of them, now while it was painful.. and likely some of the worst pain he had ever experienced in his life, he would gladly take it again, to keep them safe, and to keep humanity safe. His head still tilted as he now watched her reach over and took one of his hands in her own. Her thumb gently brushing over his skin. The look on her face seemed to show both happiness, likely glad that he was now alright, healing, yet at the same time, he could tell the images she saw before, of when he first appeared after being gone for so long, they wouldn't vanish from her. He could wipe that from her memory, yet he had no right to do so unless she wanted that. 

Castiel was taken aback by what he heard next from the blonde Winchester. He stepped closer, his hand in hers, while he let go of the cup, using it to gently touch her shoulder as he spoke. “If Michael has anything to say, he won't get that close to any of you, as long as I have breath in my lungs, and a living vessel. He wants to do something, he'll go through me first. What I went through, I would gladly go through again to protect.. all of you” He would say out as he looked to her. 

A question hadn't been asked yet, but perhaps with what was being discussed that was understandable at the moment. Yet, that changed when he now heard the question asked of him. It had him a tad surprised as he looked to her for a moment, silent.. trying to think what he even wanted to experience here on Earth. Was there anything? Perhaps one, one thing that humans experienced that angels seemed to not. 

“We don't experience a lot of things, emotions.. but the longer I am here the more likely that seems to happen. But one thing I have thought of experiencing, after spending time around many of you...” He paused for a moment. His eye's darting all over, embarrassed as he spoke. “The experience I want to find out is what.. well, what Cupid's explain to be, love. It is something that Sam, Dean and some others have tried to explain to me, something us angels don't have, but I'm curious if it is possible for an angel to experience that..” His face certainly showed he was embarrassed to say that, but it was a question asked of him and he wouldn't deny her an answer.


	28. Chapter 28

Love..

He could've answered her question with absolutely anything. He could've told her that he wanted to learn to ride a motorbike, go break into a zoo after it had closed to the public, go swimming in the Red Sea.. But, he had to want to experience love.

"There are different types of love.." The blonde Winchester decided to speak to the angel honestly, truthfully and openly. She wanted to give him an honest picture as to how humans experienced love. She had a rough idea what he wanted to know, so she decided to narrow it down to that. ".. But I'm guessing what you want to experience is the romantic love someone would have for another?" Her question wasn't so much directed at him, but more the fact that she wanted to just confirm for herself what the angel was talking about so that she could provide him with a more honest answer.

“Unfortunately, not all humans get to experience that kind of love, to have someone who can make them happy, knowing that they can have a future with that person and have a family with them. To grow old with them, and know that no matter what happens they would give that person everything they possibly could.."

It was rare for a hunter to find that kind of love, given their lifestyle. Knowing that they could die at any given point usually put them off of the idea, unwilling to place that grief on another's shoulders. Sam was perhaps the only hunter that Rachel knew who had experienced anything of the sort. He had Jess, they had built a life together, planned out their future.. 

Rachel turned her blue eyes up to the angel's own blue orbs, a soft smile forming on her lips as she did. "Love isn't something that is guaranteed. To love another is different then having that love returned. Only the lucky get to experience it.." What she wouldn't give to have someone give their heart to her.

Having love from her brothers had been enough to get the young blonde through the hard times in her life, knowing that they would always be there for her if she ever needed it. However, Rachel did crave being loved, being wanted by someone who was prepared to be in her future. Someone who she could depend on and trust above all others. As much as it pained her knowing that it would likely never happen, the blonde was pretty content in simply riding out her life the way she had been all those years. 

It seemed the answers he had given to any question she had for him were certainly interesting. Different then what she likely expected to hear from him. But angels were always showing just how shocking they could be, with him it was how little he knew, this being one of them, one of the many things he didn't quite know how to grasp, how to understand. 

Perhaps this showed just how pure at least one angel was, how almost innocent he was compared to other angels who had shown themselves to the Winchester family. Sure he had thought of other experiences here on Earth. But some of them didn't interest him as much, because most of them seemed more or long the lines of things you did with someone, and the angel.. he had, no one. 

No brothers or sisters to do any of this with, that didn't want him dead. No creator or father to experience some of the lesser things in life with, such as learning how to ride a bike, going swimming, or to a zoo or theme park. That.. none of that was something angels did, sure it interested him a tad but none of them seemed as fun to experience, alone. 

Alone. He felt that constantly. He had finally learned how that felt, how humans felt when abandoned by friends, loved ones.. their own family. He had experienced that and was only just now knowing how to even remotely handle the feelings that came with it. So many things he yet understood.. while love was what he answered with wanting to experience, he had a good idea that the answer he seeked would be one that was hard to grasp. He was right. 

Different types of love, this he had been told.. but when it came to explaining any of it, no one seemed to know how. Sam of all the Winchester's had known love at one point in time, yet bringing up the topic was out of the question, Castiel knew that well enough, so asking someone else.. Dean was certainly no help, Rachel perhaps. Her answer.. it seemed to help him paint somewhat of a picture for this. 

She was being honest, truthful about the topic of love and that not even every human had the chance to experience love. Now hearing that, he was sad to hear it to say the least. Yet it seemed to understand it. His blue orbs would look to her before looking down for a moment as he tried to take this all in, a answer he would certainly try to remember. “Not something guaranteed.. that is what Cupid's were meant for.. but I guess even they can't make everyone fall in love” 

Cupid's, they knew well enough what love was. It was what they made for. Asking one of them for an answer though was difficult, and while the idea of asking one of them about it was on his mind at one point, he thought it best to ask a human, one he was getting close to, for a honest answer. “Love, another confusing thing to me, but what you said paints a good picture for me” He would come to admit. 

Love, even from family.. that was something that was lacking from his kind. With everything going on. It was obvious with how much death had been happening between angels, between brothers and sisters. Yet.. the romantic kind of love, that hadn't been experienced at all by an angel, except maybe Gabriel at one point in time, in love with another God, which was something Castiel was so confused on that it made his head hurt when he tried to figure that out. 

Perhaps it was possible for angels to fall in love, but it was difficult. To fall for another holy being, perhaps was different. Now to fall for something other than that, a demon or perhaps even a human, that was something he wasn't even sure was possible. Yet.. with the end of the world so close, so much happening maybe anything was possible. He had certainly become very close with a few humans, the Winchester family, maybe that was the start of things to come, if they all survived this war.


	29. Chapter 29

She waited patiently, allow Castiel to process the information that she had given him. She watched how his blue eyes twitched every so often, how his chest rose and fell as he breathed, how the lines on his forehead appeared and disappeared. She found it adorable, how he took in every word she told him, how he learned from her. The blonde hoped with everything she had within her that the angel would one day be able to experience love, that he would find someone to create a future with, to finally be happy and free of the guilt that seemed to rest on his shoulders. 

Hell, she hoped that for everyone she considered a friend. There had to be something good out there for each one of them, something that made the struggles of their lives worth it. What she wouldn't give to see Sam and Dean settled down, kids around them, maybe a dog or two..

But, she never hoped it for herself. As much as the idea of love interested her, was there really any point in pinning all her hopes and dreams on it? A normal relationship, a partner who worked 9 to 5, maybe a kid.. That didn't happen for people like her. She would much rather see her loved one happy in their own lives then seek out happiness herself. How sad was that?

"I hope you do get to experience it." Rachel offered Castiel a small smile, giving his hand a tight squeeze as she did. "You deserve to have someone to take care of you, who'll accept you and everything you do. You deserve happiness, to have someone to open up to, someone who will protect you, who will wake up each morning beside you, showing you affection for just no reason.."

Whose turn was it to ask the question? The blonde brought the now cold coffee up to her lips and took a sip, before she pulled a face of disgust. Cold coffee was just, wrong.. So wrong.. With all the technology in the world, Rachel had often wondered how nobody had managed to come up with coffee that stayed hot till the very end. 

Processing each and every word she had said to him, the looks on his face as he did so, she seemed to study them quite a bit. Which seemed to get him to actually show a small bit of embarrassment, or perhaps it was he who was now showing even a angel could get flushed in a sense, even if minor. He remained silent as he took all of this in, this new bit knowledge that he now had. 

As he looked up her, his thoughts on her as he remained silent. The way she had spoken, it had brought a question to his mind. One he wondered if he should even ask. Some of the questions asked, were personal some more than others but this one would certainly be more so. Could he find it in himself to actually ask it? The angel usually had no problem saying anything that came to mind, but he was trying to learn not to do that. 

The look on her face, he studied it. Her next word's, the smile she had and the slight squeeze to his hand. It seemed to tell him more, with no word's needed. “You've never had that experience either, have you?” He questioned. He had tried hard not to ask it, but there it was, there it came from his lips no matter how much he had tried to keep that one from being asked.

“I see.. much good in you. Loyal, caring, a love for others..” He had noticed this certainly, even though the two had just now started spending time together he had seen plenty. “Love, a mystery to the both of us perhaps?” If his assumption was correct, it would indeed be a bit surprising. Yet, maybe he understood how hard it was for a hunter to find such a thing. Always moving around, never in one place for too long and never knowing how much longer they had on this Earth. Yet.. was that enough to stop such a thing from happening? Love was possible if one tried hard enough. He had a feeling it was. 

Her eyebrows knotted together at the angel's words, his assumption that she had never experienced love for herself. Was she that easy to read? She pressed her lips together tightly as she thought about what her response would be. Was it a strange thing for a young woman of her age to have never experienced what others had taken for granted? 

"No." The blonde spoke simply, shaking her head lightly. "I don't think I'll ever get to experience it. Who would want to love a hunter, understanding that every time I walk out the door there would be a high possibility that I wouldn't return?" Rachel shrugged her shoulders lightly, trying to give off the impression that the thought didn't bother her. Of course, it was human nature to want someone to take care of her, to love her in a way that nobody else would. To wake up next to someone each morning, to spend her evenings cuddled up with them on the couch. But that couldn't happen. The blonde wasn't able to allow herself to put the inevitable on anyone. "I'll probably find myself waiting for a very long time for someone, forever maybe. But, I'll wait forever if its worth the waiting.."

The words that fell from Castiel's lips, his description of her, it would send a shiver down her spine. She had known that she was kind, that she would give the shirt off of her back to someone in need, but to have someone else tell that to her, it was a nice feeling. Was it so difficult to comprehend that there were nice humans amongst the bad, just like there were nice angels amongst the dicks?


	30. Chapter 30

Easy to read, perhaps to him some humans were able to be read easily. He had studied how she acted when he had listened to her explain love and never once had she mentioned the experience from her view, which told him easily that she likely had never experienced it before, something else the two would relate to it seemed. 

The moment she said no as she shook her head, Castiel felt for her. Yet it was likely hard for her to get close to anyone with everything that was going on, for this he felt bad. He wasn't blaming himself for this, no he was blaming this meaningless war for her unhappiness, well for this entire families unhappiness. So much lost, so little gained from it. 

Now what she said next.. it caused Castiel to show more emotions, sadness was clear on his soft features. It was hard for people to get past that, getting with a hunter, not knowing if they would come home alive.. not knowing if they did come back, if it was even them. So much could happen, so much bad, but at the same time, so much good could come from what they did, no matter how small the job seemed to be, it was helping. 

Love, difficult as it was to understand.. it seemed the more that Castiel listened, the more he seemed to find a way to paint a clearer picture for it. “A hunters job, though dangerous.. shouldn't stop someone from loving you. They would love you and it would mean more, every time they had to spend with you, that much more special, because of how short it could be.. have faith” He spoke, a soft smile would appear upon his features. 

The word's came from Castiel, though he knew little of love, had never once experienced it. Even he knew though that with a life, a job as dangerous as a hunters, that love was still possible and that while it could be short lived, it would be that much more special.

He saw the good in her, he saw it in a few of the humans he had become close to. He knew well enough that there were good and bad, same could be said about angels, not all were as kind, as caring as himself, but there were a few still out there in this war, fighting to help protect humanity. 

Rachel pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek as she listened to Castiel's words. He made more sense to her, despite his lack of knowledge on the subject, then she could possibly have come up with herself. Why had she not thought of it like that before? Knowing that there was possibly limited time left for her that it would make a relationship a little more special.. Her heart fluttered a little at the thought. Her blue eyes looked up into the angel's blue orbs as a small smile appeared on her lips.

"If only you were human.." Maybe that was what she needed, someone as sweet and innocent like the angel. Someone who saw the good in most situations, someone who had a little faith? It was only then did the blonde realize what she had said out loud. Her blue eyes widened out of embarrassment. Talk about putting her foot in it once again..

"Oh crap.." She muttered under her breath. "I didn't mean, well.." Was there really anything that she could say that would be able to take it back? She stumbled over her words as her mind rushed, attempting to think of what she could say in order to save face.


	31. Chapter 31

His lack of knowledge in human actions, life, emotions and love showed a lot of the time. Yet in this moment he showed that he was a smart angel and once he got enough information about one thing, he could come up with a good picture and how things though they looked bad could end up being looked at in a much better way, like he had proven just moments ago with what he had just said. 

His blue orbs would look upon her as his head tilted. A smile upon her face, as she spoke up now. If only he was human? He wasn't sure what she meant by that. Perhaps.. here he thought for a moment Trying to grasp what that may have meant. His head still tilted slightly as Castiel gave a slight look of confusion and deep thought. As he stayed silent, his orbs would watch as her eye's went wide and she looked embarrassed. 

It was here and her next word's, that he seemed to pick up on what she may have meant with that accidental statement. “I.. understand.. I think. You want to find a human who's as.. sweet, innocent and looks at things, situations much like I do, but human. I believe that is what you meant?” He would question as he looked to her for a moment before looking away. 

Well it was certainly a interesting feeling he felt when that had been said. Perhaps another would have been insulted by that, he knew some of his brothers would have been most likely, he wasn't sure on his own feelings on such a line being said to him. 

"I didn't mean it like that.." The blonde sighed. Now she felt bad, almost as if she had just told the angel that he wasn't good enough because he wasn't human. "If it was possible, a relationship between an angel and a human then you would probably be my first choice.."

She could feel her face heating up as she tried to explain herself and her wording. She really did have a knack for putting her foot in it. Why wouldn't the angel be her first choice? He was sweet and honest, and didn't treat her like a child. Was this the reason why she had taken to caring for him so quickly? 

"And this is probably the most embarrassing moment in my life.." Rachel muttered under her breath, as she slipped her hand out of the angel's. 

This was certainly a different discussion then he had before with another. Sure he discussed the end of the world with a few others which was one hell of a discussion on its own, but this was a whole different conversation, a whole different topic and considering it was, well the topic that it was, Castiel certainly wasn't aware of how most would naturally react to hearing such a thing said to them. 

His head tilted in confusion as he heard her speak up again. What had she meant when she had said that? Perhaps what he assumed was wrong, yet he wasn't sure at this time. Though he was starting to question himself on the aspect and future of him in fact finding someone, maybe he was too blunt on things, and his strange way of doing things put people off, maybe the lack of people skills, knowing what personal space was and a long list of other things. He remained quiet, thinking at the moment. 

“My brother, Gabriel.. he has been with women. While I am not sure what he may have done with them, not understanding exactly what he was telling me some time ago, my understanding of it.. difficult, he didn't stop bragging about it, that much I picked up. A relationship between an angel and a human while it is possible, I understand perhaps that being with your own kind is something that is perhaps what is wanted? More understanding in that case maybe” Once again Castiel having no experience or knowledge of this, could only assume. 

Castiel wasn't like most of his family, who came off as rude, or disrespectful or hateful towards humans. Yet, he felt because of them he was treated the same as them because of their ways, which maybe why it was stated, if only he was human, he would be different from them even more so. A flawed human, as his brothers once stated, curious he was on how he would be as a normal human being, it would be different from what he was used to. Yet that was likely not possible to happen, unless somehow he lost his grace. Which he was surprised so far, that he hadn't. 

His attention back on her as she replied once more. “I don't quite understand.. if I were human you said first, but this, now you would take a chance if the possibility was there, trying to make sense of this, difficult” He would respond before she would say that this was likely her most embarrassing moment in her life. “I'm sorry, I.. shouldn't have asked about that topic. If it helps.. I could wipe this memory from you, if that is what you wish” Castiel would say out as he stood there, his hand now lowered slightly, almost unsure what to do as he stood there.


	32. Chapter 32

The blonde shook her head at the thought of having her memory wiped. She would just put it down to experience and learn from it, despite how embarrassing it was. The angel didn't need to feel sorry for bringing up the topic of conversation. He was curious, and she couldn't deny him the knowledge he wanted to seek out. 

"I didn't mean to confuse you even more.." Rachel started. "I don't even know what I meant when I said about you being human, I don't think I was supposed to say it out loud.." Was she starting to ramble? What was she supposed to say to justify herself? "I think, as long as two people are happy with each other, whether they're the same kind or not, it doesn't matter. I just didn't believe that anything could happen between a human and an angel, because of the whole divine thing you have.." 

Her blue eyes sought out his blue orbs as her embarrassment faded quickly. It would make sense if her strong feeling of care towards the angel were due to the fact that she had some form of feeling towards him. However, with no past experience to go on, she was simply left in the dark. Or, was she simply having those thoughts due to their topic of conversation? The blonde highly doubted that Castiel would have any sort of interest in her romantically, why would he? 

Wiping a memory or moment from someone wasn't exactly something he wanted to do nor was it something he would recommend to someone, yet here he thought maybe the experience the two had just had with this moment was perhaps one she would want forgotten. Yet seeing her shake her head, it seemed she was against the idea without even saying so, in which case he kept it at that. 

Learning from such a conversation, a moment.. that brought both experience and perhaps more from it once it happened, losing such a moment no matter how awkward, how embarrassing it may be, wasn't a smart way to go about things, as Castiel saw it anyhow, yet the offer he had made just in case, even if he didn't agree with it at the time. Still given the choice, was better than nothing. But he knew now she would rather keep the memory. 

His head still tilted in confusion as he listened. Hearing what she brought up, it had him think. Perhaps he thought to himself, his blue orbs looking up to the sky above. Maybe he was imperfect. The imperfect, the flawed.. fallen angel. Maybe it was those things that made him perhaps unable to find, to experience such a thing. Doubting his creator, the rules of Heaven, this.. meaningless battle between his own family, and the doubt he had in himself. 

Castiel wasn't like the rest, no. He had changed, he was.. attempting to change, to adapt to the ways of humanity, the very humans he tried to save, yet here he was, doubting himself in that choice, perhaps he couldn't do that without being more flawed then them. This, confused him greatly. He remained silent as his mind raced with so many thoughts. 

“No.. belief.. no faith..” He would say out, the very thing he was losing. Belief in his own creator, Heaven, himself, the end of all of this.. he was losing faith. Hearing now that someone else had no belief in something, it seemed to have an effect on the angel. Castiel fell silent once more, unsure what to say, what to do, how to.. feel. 

Emotions filled him, more then he had ever experienced at once. Confusion.. on this very topic, of what was able to happen, what could and couldn't happen. Sadness, that he was perhaps not good enough for such a thing, for possibly being doubted. Anger, towards himself for being so flawed, so imperfect he felt so unsure of himself.. and Hatred. He hated feeling like this, he didn't understand it, any of it, no matter how much he seemed to try, it only confused him more. 

His head lowered, there a few tears seemed to fall. An angel crying, not for the loss of another angel or being tormented, tortured by one of his own, but because he was feeling what humans did when so many things felt so wrong. Emotional, the angel was becoming emotional and he couldn't control any of it. A part of him wanted to scream out, while another part of him wanted to lash out.. Yet.. silent and still he remained.


	33. Chapter 33

It took a long moment of silence before the blonde noticed the tears falling from the angel's eyes, and her heart felt like it was about to break. Her stomach dropped and she instantly felt sad for him. A look of concern washed over her face as she dropped her now long forgotten plastic cup of coffee to the ground, so she could reach up to his face, the palms of her hands cupping his cheeks as she used her thumbs to wipe away the tears from his skin.

To see him cry the crimson liquid was horrible, knowing that he felt so low. Low enough to cry in front of her, and she felt as if there was nothing she could do to help him or comfort him. Had it been their conversation that had caused this? If it was, then the youngest Winchester knew she would never be able to forgive herself. The whole world around her seemed to fade into nothing as she focused her attention on the angel, wanting nothing more than to be able to tell him that everything was going to be okay. That would've been a lie. There was no telling what would happen in the following few hours, or the next few days. 

Rachel bit down on her bottom lip as she stood in silence, simply wiping at the tears that fell from Castiel's blue eyes. She wanted him to tell her what was wrong, what he needed her to do so he could feel a little better. She wanted to see those tears replaced by the smile she had come to adore from him.

Did she comfort him like she would for her brothers? Dean liked it when she stroked his hair if he was upset, Sam liked it when she would just let him cry on her shoulder as she soothed him. But, that knowledge had come from years of living closely with the two of them. The blonde had only just come to know the angel. There was no telling what he liked for comfort. 

"Just, tell me what I need to do to make things better.." She spoke softly, the pads of her thumbs running across his cheek bones gently as she tried to remove as much of his crimson tears as she could. 

Castiel had begun to feel.. for an angel to feel anything was, uncommon.. at one point impossible. Yet, here a angel stood, crimson tears running down his face, staining it as he remained silent. Not a single sound came from him as he looked to the youngest Winchester as his head lifted up slightly. Her actions next he should have perhaps reacted to, yet his mind so filled and clouded.. actions seemed to not come to him.

The moment the palms of her hands cupped his cheeks, her thumbs attempting to wipe away the crimson tears, silent he stood. The reason behind all of this, it hadn't fully been the conversation. It wasn't her fault. Everything that had happened, the many things he hadn't told.. any of them, it was so hard to keep in after so long. With humans showing so much emotion, his own vessel seemed to allow even the angel within to experience them, after being on Earth for the time he was.   
The conversation of Heaven, that had been a part of this. Heaven.. was no longer beautiful. His brothers and sisters were fighting each other.. killing one another. Their father gone, leaving them to.. to what? He wasn't sure. The archangels, they were trying to take over, or at least some of them were.. if this continued Heaven would be having their very own civil war.. and it all started, as Balthazar stated.. because of his rebelling.. what he did, what he was doing.. it had opened up a new world of problems..

He never spoke a word of this to anyone, not to the Winchesters, no one. The questions, while he answered the first one with no problem, it was harder then he could ever explain, to talk of what used to be Heaven, and possibly would never be again. And just moments ago, forced to kill one of his own brothers.. it had been so hard to pretend, that there was nothing wrong.

The topic of love, something he hoped to maybe experience, and what he heard.. it effected him. That was true, yet he didn't blame her for his emotional break down. This.. this was going to likely happen at some point, but it came quicker when he felt lower than Hell itself. His eye's remained on her, as the crimson tears continued, her thumbs wiping them away.

Comforting an angel, that perhaps would be a tricky job. Certainly when it came to one who blamed himself for his brothers and sisters now fighting each other. All because he rebelled, to stop a war that should have happened, because that was what had been written.. Silence remained from the angel as he stood there. 

Until she spoke. Hearing her soft spoken word's, he hesitated to speak.. unsure of what to say, as she continued to run her thumbs gently across his cheeks to remove the tears that fell. “If I never rebelled.. the angels wouldn't be killing one another.. the fight that was written would have happened, but it.. it would all be over. Instead, I made it worse by rebelling, by questioning.. by betraying my creator, my father.. my brothers.. my sisters.. other angels are rebelling.. because of me. Doing things they never would have done if I.. had stayed a loyal solider of Heaven..” 

Now, what he spoke was in fact the truth. Had he never showed up, had he let the Winchesters gone on with their lives, the fight between Lucifer and Michael.. using them as the vessels, would have happened, and all of this would have been over. Yet so many more lives would have been taken.. but instead, he rebelled, he stopped it from taking place for now.. he stopped a lot of innocent deaths, but at the same time.. caused worse things to start happening and how much worse would it get? 

Here he had believed that ending this would have been him just doing good. Yet.. now as he thought. God vanished shortly after he rebelled, the angels.. his brothers and sisters started fighting among themselves, the archangels were trying to name one of themselves the new God, while others left to rebel, and it was his fault. What he did.. he now believed, to have likely been worse then Lucifer and his tantrum.


	34. Chapter 34

She let him talk, allowed him to open up to her, allowed him to get everything off of his chest in the vain hope that talking about it would make him feel a little lighter, a little better. However, the more the angel talked, the more upset he seemed to get. What was there that she could say to give him some form of comfort? The blonde continued to wipe at the crimson tears that fell from his blue eyes, the pads of her thumbs stained but not that she paid any attention to it.

She pushed herself up onto her toes, and quickly wrapped her arms tightly around the angel's shoulders, pulling him tight against her as she held him. Human instinct kicked in, and she gently stroked the back of his head, lightly rocking him back and forth.

"If God created you, don't you think that maybe he meant for you to rebel?" The blonde spoke quietly. "If he hadn't wanted you to, wouldn't he have put something in place to stop it from happening? What if your rebelling was part of his plan all along?" Rachel couldn't believe that God had wanted the Apocalypse to happen, that he was willing to allow his two sons to destroy what he had created, to destroy all of humanity. "What if his leaving is a test for the angels? To see who is loyal to him and his wishes? God wouldn't have brought you back to life if you hadn't pleased him, been a loyal son to him.. You must've done something that made him proud of you.."

What else could she say? Was there anything else she could say? Rachel felt hopeless once more as she continued to stroke the back of Castiel's head, gently rocking the both of them. 

"You can't blame yourself for what is happening, sweetie. This whole mess is not your fault. You rebelled and you've done nothing but help protect humanity, just like God had asked all of the angels to do.." The blonde gently pressed a kiss to the angel's temple, hoping that her words would be enough to help stop the tears. "I believe you've done the right thing by him, and when he returns to Heaven, he'll know what you've done for him and humanity.. You've just gotta have that faith and be patient.." 

He never meant to feel like this, but then again it was never meant for angels to feel like this, to feel.. at all. But maybe when he was brought back, maybe that was given to him. That he now wondered. His tears, they still came as he looked to her, she continued to wipe them. Why would she help someone so flawed, so broken, so.. faithless? More questions, yet an answer he would find on his own, no word's would be needed. 

Her actions, the littlest action.. perhaps human instinct, the moment she pushed herself up onto her toes, her arms wrapping tightly around him, his wing's moving as to not get in the way, extending slightly underneath the long brown trenchcoat. He seemed to calm down, the gentle touch of his head, he did not quite understand this, the rocking, it was different.. yet it soothed him. 

Her word's next would be what perhaps did the most for him. What she said, could it be true? Perhaps so.. maybe he was supposed to do this all along.. rebel against the meaningless war, help humanity, the children he created after the angels. Protect them... like you would protect your own. Part of his plan.. was this part of his plan? Was there a plan? With God gone, it was so hard to truly know.

God had brought him back, perhaps.. it wasn't to just suffer repeatedly like he had been.. no there had to be more.. so much more, that he just didn't understand, that none of them understood. God, proud of him? If that was so.. he wanted to find out at some point. Her word's certainly struck a cord with him. It seemed to open his eye's, the tears that had been falling, stopped. 

Silent he remained, as she spoke once more. He had been told so much from angels, that he wasn't sure what to believe.. but it took one human to change that. To change how he saw things, at least for a little while. Patience, faith.. he lacked much of. But maybe, just maybe.. that could change. He found himself slightly heating up, it wasn't a common feeling, his face slightly a shade of pink, and not from the blood stained tears. The kiss he felt, had caused that. He didn't quite understand why. 

“I am an angel of the lord.. I must have faith.. someone must. All of us lose it, surely nothing good can come of it.” Castiel finally spoke up as he looked to her, his blue orbs upon her, a small smile would once more appear. “Thank you.. your word's, your actions... have done more than you know”


	35. Chapter 35

"There's the smile I love." 

The blonde allowed herself to fall back flat on her feet as a gentle smile formed on her lips at the angel's words. Her hands remained on his shoulders, her blue eyes kept their focus on his face. It didn't matter to her that Castiel felt flawed and broken. That wouldn't ever change him in her eyes. She never wanted him to feel so low again, to the point where he questioned his own faith and loyalty in his own father. 

It felt so good to see the smile on his face. Granted it was a small one, but it was a smile nonetheless. The angel looked less troubled when he smiled, looked more peaceful. It was a sight she would never grow tired of.

Rachel moved one of her hands off of Castiel's shoulders, and used her blood stained thumb to wipe away at some more of the blood on his face. Unlike most humans, the crimson tears hadn't frightened her or made her feel any less for him. However, it was a sight she didn't want to wish upon him again. The blonde wanted the angel to be happy, no matter what ugly things were thrown his way.

"Just remember, you're never alone. You've got me watching your back from now on.." 

A smile had reappeared upon the face of the angel, though small it was, it was there none the less. Perhaps he needed someone other than his own creator to help him through his problem. It was certainly different for the angel to seek or even ask for such a thing. She had helped him, while at the same time all of this had almost caused a break down to start, it seemed to help in the end. 

His eye's opened in a manner of speaking. His blue orbs upon her, noticing her own smile returning now as she fell flat on her feet, her hands remaining on his shoulders as she focused onto him. It seemed, no matter how flawed and broken he seemed to feel she was there, to help.. such a strange thing for him to see, to understand. 

Through the smile, it seemed he looked a bit more at peace. A little less troubled then he had looked. Perhaps wasn't doubting himself as much, but it still remained it was just a little less obvious at the moment. Maybe in time he would learn more of this.. plan, God may have. Maybe why he was brought back and what his purpose actually was. 

Just maybe, a civil war between the angels, between his family.. would never come to be. Some way, some how.. maybe just maybe he could stop that. He had to have faith that all of this would at some point just stop. His orbs remained on Rachel, as she wiped away the remaining crimson tears, her thumbs stained with them. 

“Never.. alone..?” He repeated, he questioned. He had thought for quite some time that he was exactly that, alone. No creator, no brothers by his side.. Winchesters, though... maybe he was just now realizing they were by him.. he meant something to them it seemed. He seemed to be starting to now understand this. 

The blonde shook her head lightly, confirming his question. She wouldn't leave him, she would have his back and be at his side until he sent her away. It seemed like he was having a little difficulty understanding the concept, but given time, he would learn that family didn't get left behind.. 

"You're always gonna have me. You can't get rid of me that easy, think of me like your own guardian angel, perched on your shoulder." 

His head tilted in confusion once more. It seemed this really was just a common look from the angel. Would that always be the case? Perhaps. One could not really tell when it came to Castiel. Hearing her uttered word's, he seemed speechless. A human saying a line such as that.. his own personal guardian angel. 

Cas had once said to the Winchester boys that he wasn't here to perch on their shoulder and be their guardian angel, yet wasn't that in a sense a lie? For didn't he do exactly that? There when they called, when he was able to of course, there to help when they needed it. Now here he was, someone saying such a line to him, but that they would be there, perched on his shoulder as a guardian angel.

“I sense you would make a good angel..” Castiel would now say out as he looked to her. A smile still upon his face as he spoke once more. “A angel.. being looked out for by a human, never did I think that would happen.” He seemed, happy, as he thought this over.


	36. Chapter 36

"Everyone needs someone to look after them every now and then, whether they realize it or not." The blonde Winchester smiled brighter as she looked the angel in the eye. He seemed much happier, a lot less troubled. "It's a crazy world, there isn't any shame in having someone there for you. It makes life a lot more bearable.."

Castiel looked rather, odd, in her eldest brother's clothing. The shirt and the trousers didn't fit him quite right, which she found adorable. Her thoughts wondered back to his clothes in the machine and mentally counted the amount of time they had both been stood outside. She wondered if the cycle had finished. Rachel pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek and perked her eyebrows playfully at the angel, before she quickly lowered her hand from his shoulder to take his larger hand. 

She had an idea..

"Come with me.." The blonde grinned at him, as she started to walk backwards, towards the laundry room. "I'm gonna teach you something.." With her free hand, she dug into the back pocket of her jeans to gather the last of her change. She remembered the earlier part of their conversation, Castiel had shown interest in money and how it made certain things work, and what better way to learn then to put it into practice? 

What she said was perhaps true.. even an angel could use someone to look after them every once in awhile. The very thought, it would make the smile appear once more. He seemed to indeed be, happier then what he had been just some moments ago. Life worth living, life on Earth more.. bearable with others. That sounded right, true. 

His blue orbs looked to her for a moment before he realized how she was looking to him, in Dean's clothes. They were a bit baggy on him, they certainly didn't fit quite right. But, it seemed she wasn't thinking anything bad about that, confused though he was, he remained silent.

The perked brow, the way she looked at him next.. the quick lowering of her hand from his shoulder to take his hand which was a bit bigger then her own, caused him to tilt his head, curious to this. Her uttered word's, he was a tad confused. But soon as she walked backwards, still holding onto his hand, he would stumble forward before following her. 

“Teach.. me something?” Curious, confused, he followed as she gathered the remaining change in her back pocket. He hadn't even the slightest idea of what she was going to teach him, at least not at the moment. 

"Yup," The blonde almost chuckled under her breath as the look of utter confusion on the angel's face. "Your clothes should be washed by now, so all that we need to do is put them in the dryer.."

Still with his hand in hers, Rachel managed to turn her body around so she was facing where she was walking as they reached the laundry room. She was right, the washing cycle had finished. Reluctantly, she let go of his hand and walked over to the machine, bent down in front of it and opened the drum door. She reached in and pulled out the bundle of his wet clothes before she straightened herself up and made her way across the room to the dryer machines.

"Here.." The blonde struggled a little as she held out her hand to the angel, offering him the change in the palm of her hand. "The dryer won't cost as much as the washer as its only using electricity, whereas the washer used both electric and water.." She titled her head a little, wondering if Castiel understood what she was trying to teach him. 

Well he certainly was up for being taught something new. He hoped she was better at teaching things then her two older brothers. Sam had attempted to teach him how to use a cell phone which constantly failed and Dean.. well what he tried to teach was something far too embarrassing to even explain to someone. The very thought would get him to shake his head for a bit. 

Her next word's, speaking of his clothes being washed, putting them in a dryer, of which he had no idea what that even was, which of course would make him do a confused and puzzled look as he replied. “I don't know what.. that is” He had allowed her to pull him along as she moved and turned around, before letting go as they reached the laundry room. 

Castiel watched her closely, perhaps a little too closely, once again showing he had no idea just what personal space was. Yet again though he hadn't a clue of what she was trying to teach him, so he did it for that reason. When she turned around, the bundle of clothes, dripping, soaking wet in her hand, while the other stretched out towards him. 

Taking the change, looking the coins over, studying them and the weird faces upon them. Yet he knew these faces of course, these men had been dead for quite a long time all up in Heaven, so he knew of them but why their faces were on coins.. confused him. “Electric? Water?” All of this, confusing him, but he was trying his hardest to understand it as he looked to the machines behind her. 

He assumed the one that she took the clothes out of was the washer she spoke of. The dryer, must have been the one beside it that looked a tad different. Where would one put currency? How did it work? There were knobs, buttons.. it looked utterly strange to the angel.


	37. Chapter 37

"Electricity is what gives the machine it's power." The blonde told him, as she bent over to put the dripping wet clothes into the dryer drum and closed the door. "Without it, the machine wouldn't work and you'd be left wearing Dean's clothes until your own clothes dried on their own." She then pointed to one of the dials and turned her head back to look at the angel, noticing how close he was stood to her. "With this machine, this dial means the number of minutes you want to use the machine for. You simply just turn it to what you want." She wasted no time in turning the dial to 30, before she pointed to a small display screen that had turned itself on the minute she has closed the door. "And this screen tells you how much money you need to put in before the machine will start it's cycle.." 

With that being said, Rachel took a small step back. It was now up to him. She helped him by pointing to a small coin slot on the top right of the machine and tapped it twice with her nail. 

She was ready to jump in and help the angel if he needed her to, but she wanted him to do it for himself. He would get better satisfaction and feel an accomplishment if he managed to get the dryer to work without her help. Watching him carefully, the blonde reached out behind her and effortlessly hoisted herself on top of one of the unused machines, crossing her ankles as she lightly swung her legs back and forth. 

Things seemed so.. complicated. How the devices worked that the humans had created. What they did, how they got them to work and what they even were called, and what they looked like. So many shapes, colors, sizes of the same device, confused the angel, yet at the same time he assumed there was a reason behind it. 

She watched him closely, still unaware of personal space and not being told to move back. While he was sometimes used to that with Dean and sometimes Sam, he hadn't heard that from her. “I would be stuck in your brothers clothes for.. a long time?” He wasn't understanding of that. Though he likely could dry his own clothes, with a snap of his fingers, the thought hadn't come to him until now, but learning something and doing something human like would be the better choice. 

His attention on her as she pointed to a dial, turning her head to him, before explaining how the dial was used to set the time for how long one wanted to dry their clothes. His blue orbs watched as she wasted no time in moving it to where it showed 30 minutes. A display came up as she closed the door now. It was certainly interesting to see, for it was a first for him. 

Castiel's eye's looked to the screen before Rachel stepped back slightly, pointing now to a small slot on the top right of the machine, tapping it twice with her nail, it seemed to be where the currency would go in. His eye's went from the slot then back to the coins, before the young Winchester stepped back and hopped up on one of the unused machines behind them. 

He felt so odd, not knowing any of this. He wondered if this was how a human felt when learning this for the first time.. His attention went back to her before he embarrassingly looked away and all over, before stepping towards the machine. His blue orbs studying it before taking the small coins and one by one pushing them into the small slot. Where did they go, he wondered. 

It was after all of them went in, that the machine made a noise, in which case he reacted. “What.. what is it doing? Is it supposed to do that? Make.. those sounds?” The sound he hadn't heard before, he hadn't known what to expect, it was almost as if he almost expected it to explode or something as he backed up, cautious.


	38. Chapter 38

"It's supposed to make that noise." The young Winchester nodded her head, a proud smile crossing her lips as she did so. Her blue eyes moved from the angel to the window in the drum door, just in time to see the clothes start spinning around. "Well done, Cas!" 

She thought about clapping her hands to encourage his learning, but thought better against it. That was a bit childish, and the last thing she wanted was to treat him like a child. Her blue eyes moved back to him and she watched him. Castiel was so new to most things that humans did on a daily basis, possibly took for granted. She wanted to teach him everything that she knew, show him how most humans lived their lives. Watching him learn how to use the dryer gave her a good feeling, almost like she hadn't completely screwed something up. But, how long would he stay with them for? How long would it be until God found his way back to Heaven and all the madness around them stopped? The angel more than likely wouldn't want to remain on Earth, he'd want to go back home. What was there on Earth for him to make him want to stay?

That thought sent a feeling of sadness throughout her, although she maintained her smile on her face so she didn't worry the angel. It made her think back to their previous conversation, what Castiel had said the shortest of times made things that much special because of how short it could be. Was it really the same? She would know that he was somewhere out 'there', and she would be left behind to spend the rest of her days looking after her brothers.

"So, what else did you want me to teach you?" The blonde forced herself to talk, forcing herself to put her thoughts and where they were heading to the back of her mind. "Anything you like, we've got half an hour until your clothes are finished.." 

Castiel would take a deep breath, a sigh of relief, thankful that the machine was actually supposed to make such a sound and action. Last thing he had wanted to have done was something else wrong. Now.. what he heard next, praise.. more or less what it seemed like. That wasn't so common for him. His head tilted slightly as he spoke. “I did that.. right, then? Interesting.. how these machines work” He uttered out. 

He was pleased with himself that he had figured something out. Something simple though it probably was for a human, seemed difficult for him. A smile on his face as he felt that he accomplished something, he had learned something, thanks to Rachel. Turning to face her now, the smile still upon his face as he stood silent for a bit. 

What future was there for Castiel? He had been around for so long, he had seen so many many things. One of the first creatures to walk on earth, to man and how they became, he remembered Cain and Abel.. David and his battle with Goliath. So he had seen a lot in his many many year's, but never once did he ever take the time to study Humans, not like this. 

Would he stay on Earth, if God just so happened to return to Heaven? If the angels and this war stopped. Would he return or would he stay? Would he even be welcomed back in Heaven? Right now he certainly wasn't. Would that be enough for him to stay on Earth? Or would that change? So much could happen, his future.. the future, no one knew, no one would ever know. It would remain a mystery. Only living day by day would a person know what life, what God, had in store for them. 

Castiel now noticed the smile upon her face, though it remained.. he could feel as if more was on her mind. Yet he wasn't sure what. More questions maybe? Well that got answered quickly, yet they were for him, on what else she could teach him. They had time to do something, but what? He remained silent for a moment trying to think. 

“Thank you for that, I feel.. like I accomplished something. Even if that is a simple every day thing for any of you. I have finally figured something out. One of the many thousands of things you all do on a daily basis” Castiel would say out before trying to think of what to do next though. “I am.. unsure of what to do next. My mind.. thoughts of anything seem to be clouded by so many thoughts at the moment”


	39. Chapter 39

Her blue eyes blinked a number of times as she looked at the angel. Why were his thoughts so clouded? A small frown of concern appeared on her forehead, and her legs instantly ceased their swinging. Was he still having doubts? About God's leaving and what was going on with the other angels? She thought she had consoled him for the time being..

"Whats wrong, sweetie?" Rachel asked, as she perched forward in her position on top of the machine. Her hands coming to rest on the edge of the machine, ready to jump down to the ground if she needed to comfort him once more.

The blonde paid very close attention to Castiel's eyes, watching to see if they filled with crimson tears once more. She really hoped they wouldn't, she had grown used to the smile he had been wearing for a few minutes, realizing that it had been the longest time she had seen him with a smile on his face. Why would something change that? How could something have changed that in the space of a few minutes? The angel had admitted that he had accomplished something new, that he had learnt something new. Had that upset him?

Without waiting very long for an answer, the blonde quickly pushed herself off of the top of the machine, and stepped forward towards Castiel. She instantly reached out to take a gentle hold of his shoulder. "Are you okay?" Why was she so worried? Why did she care so much and so strongly? Was this one of those things she would need to speak to Sam about? 

Castiel's smile would stay upon his face as he stood there. Yes his mind was clouded, but it didn't have him in a upset state or anything like it had him earlier. When he noticed the look of concern appear upon her face, he tilted his head and the smile faded, replaced with confusion now. She seemed to be curious if something was wrong with him. 

He had been right in thinking that, her question certainly was enough to confirm that. Well in a sense nothing was wrong, not with him. Sure his thoughts were clouded but it was because he was unsure of his future, the future of his brothers and sisters and Heaven, but clouded was his mind, because of just so unsure of what to do, to make things so much easier for everyone involved in this. 

His blue orbs watched her, he noticed that she was watching him.. watching his eye's closely. Did she think that he was going to cry again? No tears fell as he watched her still. This had been the longest he had smiled, him smiling these days was rare, but it did happen, yet it had faded when she looked so concerned for him. 

He hadn't responded, it hadn't been long.. he was simply trying to find a answer for her. But before he could think of a actual answer, he'd watch as she pushed herself off of the machine she had been sitting on, stepping towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder, as she asked again if he was okay. She was worried for him, more so then he could quite comprehend. 

“I'm.. I'm alright. No need to worry. I just have so much on my mind. That at times it makes it hard for me to think. Just so many thoughts that seem to linger in my mind, Sometimes.. I feel like I'm going to explode. Or my head will, with all that is in it. But, I am okay. It is nothing to worry about” A smile once more would appear upon his face as he looked to her. “Are.. you okay?” He would ask in turn, as he studied her. 

Castiel's question threw the blonde Winchester a little bit. Her hand fell from his shoulder. He was asking her if she was okay. How long had it been since someone had asked her that? Granted, for years she had brushed off the question and told whoever had asked her that she was fine. Maybe, everyone just simply assumed that she was okay? After all, she gave off the impression that nothing could get her down, not even the Apocalypse. Even when the Hell Hounds 'got' Dean, she had been more concerned with making sure that Sam and Bobby were looked after then she had been to deal with her own grief over losing her eldest brother.

"I'm fine.." The words fell from her lips automatically, almost as if the question immediately triggered the response. What good would it do anyone if she wasn't? She was already treated like the baby of the family, always getting left behind when she could be just as useful by her brother's side. What would Sam and Dean do if they thought for one minute that she wasn't okay? Would they send her to Bobby's? 

A harsh breath fell through her lips. She closed her eyes for a moment as a small smile appeared on her lips, almost as if she couldn't believe that she had caused someone concern. Rachel shook her head in disbelief at herself, before she opened her blue eyes and turned them back to Castiel.

"Sorry, I just assumed that something was wrong. I know I shouldn't assume to know what is going on in others heads.. Maybe it's because I care so much about you? I guess I just wanted to be able to help you before things got too much for you again?" The blonde apologized, as she ran her fingers through her blonde hair and took a small step back from the angel, not wanting to seem so overbearing. "You'll get used to my over-protectiveness, I promise."


	40. Chapter 40

It didn't take a genius to know that what he had said, the question that he had asked her, had thrown her off, it had caught her off guard, surprised her to say the least. His head tilted still as he kept his blue orbs upon her. Had none asked her such a question? Or was it that she was often asked it but.. the question while asked, maybe wasn't because they were genuinely concerned. 

Her quick reply, the word's uttered.. to him it seemed, to not be truthful. Perhaps she said that as a automatic response, to not worry others, likely to not worry her older brothers Dean and Sam and perhaps even Bobby. They were all family after all. Castiel remained silent for a moment as he tried to think of what he could say to her, maybe she would be honest with him if he confronted her on this. 

His mind so clouded though, would his assumption be wrong? Could it be way off? Was she.. fine? The answer.. it seemed so off to him. So wrong. As she closed her eye's, a smile appeared, the way she shook her head.. before looking at him, he replied. “You're.. not fine. You Winchesters.. have never been very good at lying when trying that with me. I can.. feel it” 

What she said to him, apologizing and all, he shook his head. “No need to say sorry for that. After what I did earlier, it.. seems reasonable for you to have assumed such a thing. Seems I am showing more human signs the longer I stay here.. with such, emotions” He would respond. “Over.. protectiveness? Usually that's my job” Castiel replied, his attention still on her as her hand left his shoulder. 

"Cas, I'm fi.." 

The word wouldn't come. She wanted to tell the angel that she was fine, that he was worrying over her for nothing. But the word wouldn't come. She was usually a good liar, especially when it came to her family. But when it came to Castiel, she just couldn't bring herself to be dishonest to him. But, then again, she didn't want him to worry about her either. She wanted him to worry about himself.

Was that so bad? To want him to concentrate on himself, especially after what he had been through? Then why did she feel so bad about not being entirely honest and open with him, like he had been with her? Maybe, it was because she wasn't entirely sure in herself?

"I'll be okay."

That was the best she could offer him. The blonde didn't want to confuse him even further then what he already seemed to be, by just sprouting random words at him in the vain hope that something made sense. No, her best option would be to speak to Sam when he and their brother returned back from tracking down one of the Horsemen. He always seemed to be able to make sense of her words when she couldn't. "Just please, don't worry about me. I'll be okay once I've spoken to Sam."

She couldn't say the word twice. That had confirmed his assumption even more so. She couldn't bring herself to say the word's, that she was fine. Now a Winchester could likely lie to anyone in this world and no one would know it, this he saw on a daily basis. He had experienced it himself, gone and helped them, he had been told to lie before, but he couldn't fully do it. 

Why was she being like this, towards him? Dishonest, untrusting of him maybe? Perhaps.. it was the right thing. He had been that way towards Dean and Sam when they first met, but that was because he thought it was what he was supposed to do, then he rebelled. So maybe he deserved to not me be fully trusted, if that was the case. 

Confused though he was, perhaps he was becoming more.. understanding. Or at least trying to be as he heard her utter that she would be okay. It was a different answer than the one she had given before and had tried to say to him just a moment ago, yet had failed to do so. Castiel remained silent, unsure of what to say at the moment. 

He was confused when she now mentioned talking to Sam. This.. certainly made him now feel as if he was likely not trusted enough to be told what was wrong. The angel seemed to fight back with saying something, turning away. His attention to the outside world as he spoke. “They will be back shortly.. I can here them. Not far now. I will.. leave you to that” Without another word, still dressed in Dean's clothes, and the usual trenchcoat he wore, he vanished. The last sound heard was the sound of wing's, before the sounds of the dryer and a car pulling up, were all that could be heard. Where had Castiel gone? That, perhaps would be found out at a later time, as music could be heard, coming from the car that had just driven up. Sam and Dean had returned, finished for the night it seemed.


	41. Chapter 41

"Cas, wait!"

But her words fell upon nothing. The angel had vanished right in front of her, leaving her on her own with nothing but the sounds of the Impala and the dryer. Her throat felt dry as she blinked her blue eyes a number of times. Castiel had sounded annoyed with her, like she had done something wrong. The blonde fell back against one of the unused machines, her back hitting the metal with a dull thud as her arms fell limp at her sides. Mentally kicking herself, she knew that she had once again managed to screw something up. She wanted to call him back, she wanted to explain.. She wanted to cry.

"Hey Rach," Dean's masculine voice demanded her attention from the doorway. The blonde snapped her blue eyes towards the doorway, to find both of her brothers. The eldest sibling's attention was quickly turned to the dryer. Dean took a moment before he frowned. "Are those Cas' clothes?"

Rachel allowed a long sigh to escape from her lips. She pushed herself off of the machine and almost stormed out of the laundry room before her eldest brother could catch sight of the wetness in her eyes. She pushed herself in between the two of them and hurried across the courtyard to her own room. The door slammed shut behind her.

"Dude.."

"I'll go talk to her." The tallest of the siblings, Sam, sighed. "You stay here and get the washing when its done.."

Over the course of the following couple of weeks, the three siblings moved across the states, never staying in one place for long enough to feel settled. Both Sam and Dean continued doing what they did best, whilst Rachel continued to dig up as much useful information as she possibly could. She had managed to get some form of headway with the whole Horsemen situation, understanding a lot more then when she had first been given the task. She and Sam had managed to have their talk, without Dean interrupting and being a general pain in the ass, and she finally had the answers that had escaped her.

None of them had heard from Castiel.. Not even to pick up the bag of clothes that they had carried around for him. The blonde had managed to force herself not to care, which caused a little concern for her brothers. Since when didn't she care? In her eyes, the angel shouldn't have spoken to her the way he had done, he shouldn't have left. Or at least, he should've popped his head in to pick up his clothes and return Dean's.

Laying on the top of the motel bed, the blonde forced herself to not think about it. Every time she stopped for long enough, she could hear the anger in his voice and she could see the distrust in his blue orbs. And she hated it. Why did she have to keep thinking about it? Why couldn't her brain just switch off and forget it? After what he had made her feel, why did she still think about him? Her blue eyes blinked as she stared up at the ceiling. Why did her heart still care for him? Of course, Sam had already told her the answers, but that didn't stop her mind from questioning them. 

Castiel had heard her when she had called out. He heard when one of them said his name, he could hear a lot of things, he just never appeared. He was sure it was another thing they would not want to know, but angels did have that ability, to hear even from far away, if they couldn't.. who would hear the prayers? So maybe in a sense they knew. 

The angel had vanished, to think. To clear his mind as best he could after everything that had been said between him and the youngest Winchester. Had he been annoyed? No.. annoyed perhaps wasn't how he would describe how he felt. But then again, could he describe his own feelings? It wasn't something he in all honesty knew how to do. For he didn't understand any of it. 

He had left his clothes behind, it didn't matter he could likely find replacement clothes.. but those, did mean something to him and they were.. sentimental, something he never thought he would understand, for an angel to understand or even know. It was never the angels intention to hurt her, or to upset her in any way. Once again it showed that he was a imperfect angel. But then again angels were never meant to interact so much with the human race. His people skills were lacking, that was for sure. He wanted to return, he did.. he wanted to say something, but days turned to weeks and he had yet to show himself. 

There however was good reason for that. Since he his departure, he had been running, fleeing from angels out to kill him. His own brothers out to kill him and so many times he had come close to death. Each time just barely escaping. More and more of a risk it seemed to go and even try to see the Winchesters, he knew if he did.... they.. would follow. 

He knew where they were. With the mark he had left on Dean, he could easily find them. But at this point.. it was far too dangerous to do so. So more days passed, with none of them knowing where he was, why he had left and why he hadn't even tried to contact them. Not until now. Things were turning, the angels and the archangels seemed to be fighting each other.. for power. Leaving him, alone. At least for now. 

He had his chance. He seemed to.. hesitate, something he hadn't ever thought of doing until now. Why was he hesitating to return, to appear once again to the Winchesters? Perhaps he was.. afraid? It wasn't exactly the first time he had vanished for a long period of time, but this.. this was different. A deep breath escaped the angel before he vanished from where he had been standing quietly, before appearing in a hotel room, Rachel's room. 

Still wearing Dean's clothes and the same old trenchcoat. “Hello... Rachel” The word's uttered by the angel as his blue orbs looked to her. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he would accept whatever it would be. Nor did he know at all what she had ever said and discussed with Sam, yet he had remembered, and while he was curious of it, wouldn't bring it up.


	42. Chapter 42

That voice..

The blonde instantly felt her stomach drop and churn on itself. Why? Why was he there? Was he even there, or had she drunk far too much whiskey with her brothers? She closed her blue eyes tight for a long moment, wishing that he was there and then the next second, wishing that his voice was just a figment of her imagination.. Braving herself to open her eyes, Rachel pushed herself to sit up in bed, her head turning towards the corner of the room where his voice had come from.

He stood there, in the darkness. The look on his features, she couldn't quite read. Was he nervous, hesitant about being there with her? Her heart clenched at the sight of him. A part of her wanted to climb out of bed, run to him and hug him, apologize for whatever she had done whilst the other part wanted him to just.. Well, she didn't know what. She didn't even know if she had it in her to speak to him.

"Castiel.."

So, that answered one of her questions. His name fell from her lips before she could stop herself. Was it out of politeness that she had done that? Or was it because she had missed him, despite being angry and upset with him? 

So much had happened within the weeks that they had last seen each other. Castiel.. he was a tad different from their last encounter. A bit wiser for wear, a bit worn but he wouldn't explain any of that at this time. No, he had returned for a different reason and it wasn't to burden her or any of the Winchester's with the things that had happened to him. 

When he spoke, he noticed her reaction. His blue orbs watching her from the darkness, out of the corner of the room of which he had appeared. He watched her as she closed her eye's tightly, silent, and perhaps.. not wanting him to be there, he wasn't sure. When she had pushed herself to sit up, she turned her head towards his direction. 

Silence, aside from the sound of the bed creaking slightly as she moved. The darkness hid some of his face, making his expression hard to read. He was nervous, afraid, sad.. unsure. He took a deep breath. He could feel his breath hitch in his throat as he tried to speak, after she uttered his name. He could tell.. she was angry with him, upset. He figured that it would be so... yet he could tell there was something else... had she.. missed him? 

“I.. I didn't mean to leave like that and not return sooner.. I needed to clear my head. So much happened in such a little time that I... I don't understand, couldn't understand anything at the time.” He didn't know what to say, he didn't exactly think any of this through. Sure he could have, but who knew how long that would have taken? 

“I wanted to return sooner.. I couldn't.” He wanted to explain himself, he wanted to say more, yet he found himself at a loss for word's. He hadn't ever been in such a situation before. Why was it so hard? So hard to explain.. anything? Maybe he still felt as if he wasn't trusted, after that night, because there was so much she hadn't told him. Maybe she had a reason, but he didn't understand. 

Her eyebrows knotted together as her mind ran over his words. He was, apologizing for leaving her in the laundry room the other week, and for how he had left? She hadn't been expecting an apology. The young blonde had been half expecting the angel to simply ask for his clothes and then leave again. But, that hadn't been the case. That didn't mean that she was any less angry or upset with him.

He had left her, scared her into believing that she had done something to damage their friendship beyond repair. He had made her not care about where he was or why he hadn't shown his face. 

"You gave me the impression that you were jealous of my brother.." The blonde threw the blanket off of her legs, before she pushed herself to stand at the side of the bed. Her blue eyes almost glaring across the darkened room at him, her arms folded across her chest as she stood defensively. "That because I felt like I couldn't open up to you about something, one small thing, that must've made me un-trusting of you." Rachel wanted to raise her voice at the angel, put all her anger and sadness out on the table for him to see. But, she wouldn't. She wanted to be calm, to make the angel see how his disappearance had made her feel.

The blonde had lost count of the number of times she had found tears in her blue eyes over the previous few weeks. How many times had she cried herself to sleep, feeling like she had done something wrong in wanting to confide in her brother? How many times had she wanted to see the angel, to show him just how much he had hurt her?

"If you wanted to return sooner, why didn't you?" Rachel asked. It was a simple enough question. Was he scared? Was he just too busy? Or was he just trying to throw her off with an excuse he believed would work on her?


	43. Chapter 43

For an angel to apologize, it was not something common. Castiel though, he picked up at times when something he did was.. wrong, or seemed like it was wrong on his part, this was one of those times. It seemed his apologizing caught her off guard a bit. Perhaps she had expected him to just appear, take his clothes back and leave, again? He wasn't sure. 

His blue orbs looked to her, he could sense.. so much, yet he understood so very little. He had certainly done wrong by leaving, yet had he stuck around.. things likely would have become, worse. So he thought in his own mind. His head tilted now, hearing her word's. Jealous..? He didn't understand. 

“Jealous of your brother? I don't understand” Castiel would come to admit. He could see her, glaring at him. The look, he had seen it before from both of the brothers, when they didn't like something he did or at times, said. So this look.. he was familiar with. He could tell she was angry, sure her voice remained calmed but what she said, it was enough to tell him. 

“I answered your questions, I was open with you. I asked you what was wrong and like everyone else, you shut me out. You.. showed that you didn't trust me enough to tell me, that only your brother could hear whatever it was. I am an angel of the lord, you should show me more respect then that” 

Now, that last line, he had said that to Dean at least once, he never thought he would say it to the youngest Winchester, yet, how she had acted so un-trusting of him, he couldn't help but to say it. He knew likely it was yet again not a wise choice of his own, but angels.. weren't so understanding of human emotions and of their actions. 

He hadn't been able to check on any of them, he had wanted to. Perhaps if he had been able to, he would have seen the tears she shed, crying herself to sleep.. wanting him to return, to show him how much she had been hurt. Never would he have guessed he could do such a thing to someone. Never was it his intention.

The question she now asked, answering it.. well that would be simple, but would she even believe it? He hadn't a clue. “I was being hunted.. I am hunted by my own family. For my rebelling to help you all, I have almost died in the last few weeks, more times than I wish to remember. I would have returned sooner, but had I.. I would have put you all in danger. I had no choice but to remain away” Castiel explained. 

His tone, his facial expression quite serious and it showed well enough that he was being honest. At the same time he was trying hard to now show so much other emotions. “If I had come back, they would have followed, I had no choice” He responded once more. Yet he was also somewhat scared to have returned, but that feeling only came to him just some moments ago. 

The angel was in danger, being hunted down by the other angels. That wasn't new, but it still hurt to hear. The blonde didn't like the thought of Castiel having to fight his brothers and sisters, all because he chose a different route to the one he was supposed to take, all because he rebelled and refused to join in with a pathetic war. She felt for him, she really did.. She wanted to forget everything that had happened between them and comfort him, providing him with whatever support he needed. But that was before he spoke those words to her..

He was an angel of the Lord, she needed to show him more respect..

Rachel's eyebrows knotted at Castiel's words, her head titling to the side just a little as she took in what he said. He was demanding more respect from her, thought that he was better then her because he was an angel. She had never expected him to say those words to her, not ever. They hurt, broke her heart more than what his leaving had done.. And her newfound pain gave the blonde all the confidence she needed to fight back.

"I show respect to those who deserve it, not to those who think they're better than me or my brothers." Her voice growled, as her blue eyes narrowed. "You think I didn't want to tell you because I didn't trust you? There is plenty you've not told me, plenty you've hidden from me, and I accept that. I wanted to find the answers to my own questions, and Sam was the only person who would've been able to give me those answers!" Rachel's voice had risen a little, not enough to deserve a knock on the door from the motel manager, but enough to perhaps prove to Castiel that she was angry with him, that his words were not needed.

Did she dare tell him what she and Sam had spoken about? Maybe, it would get the angel off of her back? There was a chance that it would scare him away, so far away that she wouldn't see him again. But, that was a chance she had to take.. The blonde couldn't let the angel continue to think that she didn't trust him.

"I asked Sam why I felt so protective of you, why I cared so much and so quickly." Her voice lowered to a calm tone once more, her blue eyes fell to the floor. "I wanted to know why I wanted to show you everything I could, why I just simply wanted to be around you.. I wanted to know why I thought about you more often then what I should" Her brother's answer hadn't been one that she had expected, however, it was perhaps one that she could deal with. Like Sam had said, those things happened, it was just how they were dealt with that made some situations difficult. "He said, that its because I've developed feelings for you.."


	44. Chapter 44

Hunted by his own kind for his actions, he had done so much to make himself different from the rest of his siblings. He choose a different route, one that he thought would be the best one, helping the humans, the rest of the children his father, his creator had made. Why allow them to suffer over a war that didn't need to happen? Why allow them to die when they didn't deserve such a thing? So he fought to help them. 

His choice of word's used just moments ago, he had said those before that much was true, but had he meant to say them then? Even he wasn't so sure. He felt disrespected plenty of times by his own kind, for what he had done, he felt it from those who didn't trust him, first Dean, then Sam and now.. Rachel. He likely would regret saying such a line again. He didn't think himself better, no. but he did think he at least deserved a bit more respect then what he was given. 

His blue orbs glowed slightly, it wasn't something he normally did unless fairly angry or felt threatened. Castiel's body reacted this way, without even him knowing it, at first. Her word's, the growl within her voice, it didn't help make things better, certainly not right now. His voice, it was deeper.. stern then before, not as calm and peaceful as he usually kept it. 

“I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it for your family! I killed one of my own brothers, for you! If that isn't enough for respect, maybe..” It wasn't like Castiel to show such anger towards anyone, but with so much on his mind, so much happening, this was bound to happen. “I dragged Dean out of Hell, I can throw him back in!” The very word's, he used against Dean himself some time ago.. here he uttered them out to her. 

“I have told you what I can, the rest I couldn't.. because I didn't want to hurt you, worry you, any of you, or to put any of you in harms way. The very thing I have been trying to do this entire time!” Castiel would say out, his orbs still glowing slightly. What she said, certainly how she said it, showed she was angry, but at the same time, he understood a bit of what she said, with talking to Sam, yet he still felt how he did. 

The uttered word's he had said just moments ago, it seemed to show on his face that he already regretted saying such a thing and never could actually hurt Dean, or Sam.. or her. He didn't have it in him, so it was what one would call an empty threat, but she likely wouldn't know that. He fell silent, unsure of what to say now, it would be her, breaking that silence now. 

What he heard next, it caught him off guard. His eye's returning to normal, his body calming as he heard this. Castiel tilted his head, utterly confused by this. “Developed.. feelings for.. me? I don't understand. Is that.. I'm sorry, is that a flirtation?” He questioned, utterly confused, obviously by the look on his face. The word he had learned from one of the many Cupid's of Heaven. 

His threat to throw Dean back into Hell, whether it was empty or not, knocked the blonde back. Her knees felt weak at his words, forcing her to fall back onto the bed. Why would he say that? The angel knew just how protective she was towards her brothers, he knew just how much she would give up if it meant their safety. Her mouth felt dry as she felt fresh wet tears prick at her blue eyes. She couldn't look at him, just one look at the angel would probably unlock the hold she had on her sadness. Her fingers gripped the bed-sheets tightly. "You may wanna throw me down there too.." The blonde pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek. Whether the angel had meant his threat or not, she didn't take too kindly to his words. ".. Because if you didn't, I'd make damn sure you followed him."

Dean's death had been hard on them all. Rachel could remember Bobby breaking down when he had told her, she could remember Sam packing up and leaving without so much of a 'goodbye'. She could remember all those texts that she had sent to Dean's phone, knowing full well that there would never be a response, but a part of her had always held hope. She had never dealt with the grief of her brother's death, but Castiel's words had slowly started to chip away at the dam she had built that contained it all.

How dare he! To even drag up the fact that he had killed one of his brothers in the laundry room, for her? He didn't need to kill him, she hadn't asked him to. The blonde would've been happy if Castiel had simply fled like he had wanted her to do. She could've dealt with the angel, somehow..

"Its, not like flirtation.." Rachel's voice started to break, as she released her tight grip on the bed-sheets. She still couldn't look at the angel. How was she going to explain this to him? "Its more, I like you and have feelings for you that are more than what a friend should.." The concept of emotions and attachments was a tricky one, and an almost impossible one to explain. The blonde lent forward, rested her elbows on her knees and placed her head in her hands, her blue eyes staring at the floor by her feet. "Think back to the conversation we had the other week, Cas.." Maybe that would trigger something, something that would make him understand.


	45. Chapter 45

The threat, it was a empty one indeed. Him and Dean had plenty of times where they could have killed one another and neither time did it happen, they couldn't bring themselves to do such a act to one another. Sure they would end up bloody, but in the end it would cease and both would go back to.. whatever they were before that. Sometimes letting off steam or saying what needed to be said, with a few swings needed to happen.

That had happened not that far back between him and Dean. Now, he could likely never do that, lay a hand on Rachel. He certainly doubted he could do such a thing. His word's alone though.. he noticed that did what physical harm would do without leaving a bruise, at least not on ones skin. Her word's, what she said, he wasn't sure what to say to that at the moment. Her last word's however.. that certainly got a reaction.

“I've been close enough. Closer then you can even imagine. But maybe I should..” He was going to say show her, but the image, would likely not be something she would like to see. He fell silent, his back turned to her, the two seemed to have a hard time looking at one another at this point after such word's were said.

He had brought up what he had done for her, out of perhaps habit. He had to do it, though she likely thought he didn't have to, he truly did. If he hadn't.. he knew well enough nothing good would have come out of it and if he had fled, if he had left her then, it would be his fault. Dean and Sam would have blamed him if she had gotten hurt.. or worse. So he had to kill one of his own.

Castiel was utterly confused as she now tried to explain what she meant by the last word's she had said, the conversation with Sam, and now she wanted him to think back to what they had talked about some time ago? He remembered.. the talk of Heaven, what he had looked like, the concept of money and how strange he thought that was, her teaching him how to use said money, and the discussion on.. love.

What of that was she wanting him to remember.. he had remembered her consoling him, how close the two had gotten, how she seemed to want to help him when he seemed so lost or down, when he had mentioned his mind being clouded, right before he had.. left. It all came back to him, but to which part was it she wanted him to remember?

“I.. I don't understand.” His mind filled with what was happening now, and trying to think back to then. His mind was feeling as if it would explode as he tried to make sense of any of this. He didn't speak many word's, this would certainly be noticed by her as he kept his back turned to her. Why was it so hard for him to talk? There was so much he wanted to say, but once more he found himself having the hardest time to explain himself. 

Of course he didn't understand.

She didn't either, well, not to a full extent anyway. How could she expect him to understand where she was coming from when she wasn't even sure if she was explaining things properly? A long sigh fell from her lips at the thought. Wouldn't it just be better to come out with it, instead of just beating around the bush?

Not particularly feeling brave, the blonde turned her eyes to look at the angel. Noticing that he had his back turned to her, she gently pushed herself back off of the bed and slowly walked across the room to stand behind him. With every step she took, whatever bravery she had in her body seemed to flee.

Rachel bit the skin on her bottom lip, her eyebrows knotted together as she raised a hand and gently placed it on his shoulder. She didn't know whether or not he would want to hear what she had to say, whether or not he would ever speak to her again afterwards. But wasn't it just best to be open with him? Wasn't that what Castiel had wanted from her all along?

"I.." Her words slowly started to fail her. There was a possibility that she would scare him away, cause him to disappear once more. Of course, she didn't want that. Not deep down, no matter how angry she was with him. But, he needed to know. He needed to understand. ".. I love you.."


	46. Chapter 46

It was never easy for him to understand anything explained to him. He tried so hard to figure out what one was trying to say, trying to explain and even teach him. For one of his age, old as he was, and he was old, sure not as old as some of his siblings but older than any living human.. he should have known at least some of this. Understood it better, but he didn't and it showed on a daily basis. 

His back turned to her still, he wanted to tell her what had kept him away for the last few weeks, he wanted to show her. Yet at the same time, he knew it was probably best that he didn't do that, it would only hurt her more, and he didn't want that. He was half expecting at some point to get yelled at by either Sam or Dean from his actions and just leaving. He was certain they knew of Rachel and him talking, that likely had them angry with him. Yet neither of them showed. For that he was at least glad. 

Castiel remained silent, unsure what to say, what to do. What he had said.. he was regretting for not telling her more but it was all to keep her and her family safe. As soon as she moved, he could hear it, the moment she placed her hand on his shoulder, his wing's seemed to slightly move underneath the trenchcoat, just a usual reaction if an angel was touched even remotely close to their wing's. 

She spoke now, her voice, soft as it usually was, so it seemed as she seemed to try once again to explain herself to him, even though she was angry with him. The word's he now heard, he had heard them uttered before, but normally it was towards those someone was with and in a way he was still understanding. Scared, no.. confused, certainly, but nothing to make him leave or disappear again.

He turned, enough to where her hand would still remain on his shoulder. The word's repeated in his head. With what she meant, how she meant it.. he was puzzled. There were different ways someone loved another, this he had seen, heard and learned from different people. A family kind of love, and the other.. one he still was puzzled on. Which one was this? Seeing as the two had just started to bond, perhaps the first? Yet.. with a comment she had made before, of her caring for him more than a friend, that seemed to make him think.. something else. Castiel was silent, his breath hitched in his throat as he tried to speak. 

“I... love you too, all of you.. More than human word's could likely explain” Castiel would say out as he looked to her, his features showing much softer then before, his blue orbs upon her as he tried to keep himself together. He cared for them all, if he didn't he certainly wouldn't be doing so much to protect them, to keep them safe, alive. He did everything, for them. And it seemed that he was starting to show quite the fondness for the youngest of the Winchesters. 

The angel really didn't understand. He seemed to believe that the love and feelings she had for him were possibly similar to those she had for her brothers. He couldn't be further from the truth. The blonde felt herself getting a little frustrated, but she knew it was to be expected. Neither of them had any experience in the ways that the human heart worked.

"No, Cas." The blonde shook her head lightly. "I don't mean like.."

How could she explain it? That her heart seemed to swell whenever he was near, that she enjoyed his company, that her stomach flipped when he smiled at her. Were there any words to describe it to him?

"I love you, a different way to anything I've ever known." Rachel kept her hand on his shoulder and kept her blue eyes on his as if to prove her point. "I love you with my heart, not as family or a friend would love another."

Castiel was so innocent, so naive, so confused by anything that wasn't of his own kind, it showed daily. Now as they spoke he could tell as she looked to him, she was getting a little frustrated. Why? Had he done something wrong, again? If so, what had it been? He wasn't sure if he should say something, do something. His held tilted as she spoke. “Didn't mean.. like what? I am sorry, I don't understand”

He was trying, boy was he. Yet the more said, the more confused he honestly seemed to be. Silent, he studied her. Deep down something told him that while she was mad, angry at his actions awhile back that at the same time she seemed to enjoy his company, even though it was just recently that the two had actually really started to talk, bond. She complimented him on his smile, this he remembered. And he also now remembered the way she became so, flushed around him. Was that part of it?

If a Cupid was here, one would likely be shouting out to him, only for him to hear likely, what she was trying to tell him. Of all things a Cupid would know, of course not allowed in Heaven, and it being way past the time that they were out on Earth, finding one was unlikely, so he would need to figure this out all on his own.

His attention on her as she spoke. Her hand still on his shoulder, and now what she said.. he, he seemed to understand it a bit better than before. Castiel's eye's went wide for a moment, before he nervously seemed to dart them this way and that. Dean had seen that reaction before, and now he was doing it again, but of course for a different reason. It wasn't a bad thing, but he showed that he in a sense understood what she had just told him.

Oh how he was thankful his brother Gabriel couldn't see this right now, or he would be laughing himself silly. Amused by Castiel's actions likely if he had ever seen this. Now, it wasn't like an angel to blush, but using a human vessel it seemed to happen, his cheeks turned pink, they felt slightly warm. He didn't understand what was going on in that moment. But he did know he was all of a sudden nervous. So nervous that word's seemed to be lost, he was speechless.


	47. Chapter 47

She watched him intensely. She noticed the blush on his cheeks, the way his blue eyes widened out of shock and nerves.. And she thought it was adorable, like she always had done. The small things about him, the smallest of things that if she had blinked then she would've missed them, they only added to the attraction she obviously felt for him.

But, he didn't say anything.

That caused a small frown to appear on her features. There had always been a chance her feelings were one way, that he wouldn't share them. But, she had thought that he would've at least said something. She was suddenly more nervous then she had been in a while. The blonde pressed her lips together tightly, as she allowed her hand to fall from the angel's shoulder. Was it a mistake to tell him her feelings? She felt a disheartened as her hand fell to her side once more.

"I just, thought you should know.." 

For an angel to show such things, it was certainly different. Though one of his older brothers had felt and shown such things for another at one point in time and now he seemed to be. Yet, he had no one to discuss it with to get it explained to him. His cheeks remained a slight shade of pink, as his eye's seemed to show that of nervousness. His features seemed to be unable to hide that.

He remained silent, he had become.. speechless. It wasn't that he had nothing to say, he was just at a loss for word's. Which for him was strange. He usually had something to say back to anything said to him. But this.. this, had him completely speechless. The thought of either Winchester finding this out, he'd likely be in a interesting situation. Well, maybe. It seemed like something that would happen, considering this was their sister.

Castiel's blue orbs soon noticed the frown that appeared upon her face, she certainly didn't seem to like how silent he was, but it wasn't his intention as he stood there, taking this all in. The way she acted, he noticed that he wasn't the only one nervous now. Her hand leaving his shoulder as she spoke. He nervously swallowed, as he his hands seemed to grasp at the sides of his trenchcoat, a action he didn't really do, not until now. Certainly showed how nervous and shocked he was of this.

“I.. I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to upset you with my silence. I've never heard someone say that to me.. that wasn't a.. family member. I.. became..” He couldn't seem to think of the word right away as his hands continued to oddly grasp his trenchcoat. “Speechless..?” Castiel finally found the right word, to explain himself. Well he hoped that did that. He cared for her, that he wouldn't deny, was it the same way? Perhaps.. he would come to understand that. “We discussed this before.. me not understanding what.. well love is, and I don't know the feelings that come with it.. I may be showing them, I am.. unsure” Castiel would admit.

He was nervous, he did enjoy her company. And it seemed out of all the Winchesters, he seemed to get along with her the best, was that a start of something? He tried to think on that as he stood there. Since their first actual encounter, she had been on his mind lately, certainly replacing the two brothers who he had often thought of before that. Did that mean something?


	48. Chapter 48

"I don't expect you to show anything in return, or to have the same feelings back for me." The blonde sighed, as she slipped her hands into the back pocket of her bed trousers. "I just hope that you now know why I couldn't say anything to you about it before, I just didn't know. Sam had to tell me what was going on.."

Sam had known. He may not have seen any interaction between Rachel and Castiel, but it hadn't taken long for her to explain for him to understand what was going on. It was perhaps a conversation he had hoped he would never have to have with her, but at least she hadn't gone to Dean. That would've made things a whole lot worse.. There would've been a lot more drinking involved, a lot more shouting. The eldest would've probably demanded to have a talk with the angel. 

Castiel was certainly unsure of what to do with this information that had been given to him by the youngest of the Winchesters. He would watch her, hearing the sigh as her hand now left his shoulder and went back behind her. Hearing her explain why she couldn't just tell him the last time they had seen each other, it now made a lot of sense and now he was starting to think, that there were just some things like this, that it was hard to discuss with someone.

In that case, he felt bad, worse, for leaving her like he had. “Rachel.. I, I didn't know” He would say out as he looked to her with his blue orbs. “Understanding something like that.. is very hard for me to do. But then again me understanding a lot of things here, is difficult.. which I'm sure is obvious” Castiel responded with as he stood there, his hands now just laying still at his sides.

“I take it you only discussed this with.. Sam? If Dean gets.. wind of this, I'm sure I'm in for something. Yelling or something from him, after he's had a bit to drink” He knew Dean well enough to know somewhat of what would happen if he had been told this. Now, that was the thing, he would at some point find out. Things always got found out sooner or later.

Silent now he thought for a moment as he looked to her. “My feelings.. something a angel usually lacks the luxury of, I am still confused on. I do have feelings for you, I just don't understand them.” The angel would admit. 

"I made Sam swear that he wouldn't say anything to Dean, and he's usually good with his promises." The blonde spoke quietly, as she brushed a strand of her own hair behind her ear. "But, if Dean does manage to get wind of this, I promise I'll deal with him.." Of course, Rachel wouldn't let the angel take her eldest brother's wrath. She was the peace-keeper of the family, she would step in and take the brunt if she had to. "Why don't you speak to Sam? He understands more about these types of feelings then anyone else I know, plus he knows what is going on so he'll have a bit more of an understanding.."

A gentle smile graced her lips when Castiel admitted that he had feelings for her as well. Sure, he didn't understand them, but that was always going to be a given. He was new to the whole range of human emotions, he wouldn't quite understand them just yet, but the blonde was prepared to be more than patient whilst he learnt and found out.

The thought of her eldest brother finding out, rather then being told, did scare Rachel a little bit. There would be a lot of silence, a lot of drinking and a lot of shouting. Even as Dean grew used to the idea, there would be a lot of impromptu phone calls and texts, random visits.. Maybe, he would come around to the idea? Rachel had no clue. She had never been in that situation before.


	49. Chapter 49

Castiel would listen to her, his eye's upon her for a few moments before they looked off, just out. A far off look as he heard her speak up. Hopefully Sam never told Dean, maybe it would be best if he told him. No.. that would be a even worse idea.. He wasn't honestly sure. As soon as she mentioned Sam and how he should talk to him, his embarrassed actions started up, where he nervously and embarrassingly darted his eye's around.

There was no way he could bring that up to Sam. Him bringing that up to anyone seemed just so.. strange to him. And talk about awkward a moment. He would certainly be having one in that case. Sure, Sam would be understanding and he would know what to say, but considering that the two of them weren't all that close, who knew what he would do. He remembered their first encounter quite well and some of the experiences after, not some of the most pleasant things.

His blue orbs looked back to her, there he would see a smile upon her lips. It seemed, or he assumed, she was maybe happy that he admitted what he had, even if he didn't quite understand any of this, at least not yet. It did take him time to learn everything, if that was even possible. The thought of Dean's reaction, now that made him curious. Scared, a tad. He knew the eldest Winchester and his anger, his temper was something else but Castiel's could be a whole lot worse. So maybe he didn't have to worry so much. It wasn't like Dean would kill him for that.. would he?

“I.. I don't think I could talk to Sam.. about that. That would be the most awkward thing.. we've ever discussed.. okay other than the one thing I saw on his laptop.” It was then he shut his mouth before he embarrassed himself. Which was the last thing he needed or wanted to do. 

He didn't want to speak to Sam, which was fair enough. Rachel could understand that. She could also understand why the angel had stopped his sentence after mentioning her brother's laptop. "Well, then why don't you talk to me about it?" The blonde suggested. She knew that she would try to give Castiel honest answers. "Its not like I'll be getting much sleep tonight, we may have found Pestilence so we'll be leaving in the morning.."

A part of her wanted to offer the angel to go with them, to help them out and give whatever advice he could offer. But, the other part of her wanted to keep him as far away from the danger as possible. She couldn't bear it if anything happened to him.

"I can always grab my laptop, and look up anything that we're both not too sure about? At least then we'll get you some answers one way or another." It was the best thing the blonde could offer him. She wanted to spend time with him, now that her anger towards him had subsided. She wanted him to be able to openly talk to her, she wanted to give him what answers he needed. 

Talking to Sam would certainly be so very awkward for him. The very thought made him feel uncomfortable and as he mentioned the laptop, she seemed to understand enough even without him finishing the very sentence. What he had seen on there.. he wish he could wipe it from his memory but that wasn't something he could do. Maybe in the end it would somehow come in handy, with what he had no real clue.

His head tilted as she suggested talking to her about it. Now that was a idea he could likely do easier, yet how would he explain what he felt? What he was thinking? He was very unsure at the moment. He remained quiet until he heard her mention Pestilence.. one of the four horsemen. He would be a tough one to deal with.

Castiel looked to her, he could sense something. She hadn't mentioned him going with them, yet the last he had spoken to Sam and Dean, which... hadn't been for awhile, they had decided him helping with the horsemen would be a good idea, after what Gabriel had done, he owed it to him at least, to finish this.

The mention of a laptop, that seemed to cause him to slightly look around nervously. “I.. I don't trust laptops after what I've seen” He certainly had a reason. The things the boys looked up.. he really didn't even want to find out what other laptops held, or well the internet, of which he still didn't understand. Yet, leaving certainly wasn't something he wanted to do. Spending time with her, he owed her that.. after what he had done.

“Maybe, we can...” Castiel thought for a moment. Looking up stuff on a laptop, maybe it would be helpful. But he wasn't exactly sure what to expect with that, but what else could they do? Going out now would not be a safe bet, would it? They needed to rest up a bit though before going after a third horsemen. Or else they would be in big trouble, well trouble seemed to follow them anyhow.


	50. Chapter 50

The blonde could understand his hesitation at using a laptop. She had seen what her brothers had downloaded, what they used their own devices for - she couldn't blame Castiel for being a little hesitant. "Don't worry, sweetie. The worst thing you'll ever see on my laptop will be drunken photos of the boys, which I plan to use as blackmail if they ever annoy me." A chuckle escaped her lips at the thought.

She turned around and walked back to the bed, where she sat down on top of the sheets and pulled her laptop out from its place under the pillow that she had not been using. She quickly opened it up and turned it on, before she motioned to the angel to come sit down next to her.

It would be a first to use her laptop for something other than research and storing her family photos. "Try to explain what you don't quite understand, we have the whole internet at our disposal.." The blonde shot him a smile, as she brought her legs up underneath her. She then moved her fingers to her hair, quickly gathering the blonde strands up into a high bun before she used a hair band from her wrist to keep it in place. It wasn't very often she put her hair up, she just didn't want it to keep getting in the way whilst she helped the angel with his questions.

The things the boys looked up when they had any time to themselves.. was not something a angel ever thought he would see, ever. He had watched and even tried to make sense of one of the videos he had seen on one of their laptops, and it was rather.. strange. To him it made no sense. The video had something to with a pizza man and a babysitter, what he had seen it made no sense not even a little. His head still tilted slightly as he heard her explain that the worst thing on her laptop were photos.

Not just any photos but of Sam and Dean, drunk. That was likely amusing if anything. Well maybe not to the two of them if they ever saw them. “Blackmail?” He questioned upon hearing that from her as she chuckled. He was confused on the term, yet it didn't sound like a good thing. At least, he didn't think it did.

His blue orbs watched her now, moving to the bed where she would sit down and pull out the laptop from where it had been placed before then. His attention on her as she now motioned with her hand for him to come closer, perhaps to sit next to her. That is what he was guessing. Hesitant for a second before he walked over, gently sitting on the bed next to her, the look of curiosity in his eye's.

“Internet..?” The word sounded so strange to him. How would it help find questions? Then it hit him, maybe it could help him find his father. Could it do that? “Can it find.. God?” He questioned, a sign of hope perhaps coming to his features as he looked to her, he hadn't checked there, but then again no one had told him of the internet, at least not until now.

The blonde didn't have it in her heart to tell the angel that they couldn't simply just type into google 'Gods Location'. They would be met with a variety of images of a face on a piece of toast, or some smart-ass' blog informing them that God didn't exist. She couldn't put Castiel through that. "In a way, it may actually be possible if we knew where to start looking.." She lifted up the lid of the device and switched it on. "If there were certain signs we knew to look out for, it would be possible to at least pinpoint a nearby location, but it would be very difficult and would take a lot of work.."

The welcome screen was just a simple Windows 10 background, with a few files pinned to it. Rachel clicked on Chrome before she turned her attention back to the angel. Was this the first time he had been properly introduced to the internet? She began to wonder whether it would be a good idea to teach him how to use google and find him a laptop he could call his own. It would give him the opportunity to find his own answers if he ever had questions he could not go to her or her brothers about..

"Okay, so lets make a start clearing things up for you.." The blonde placed the laptop on top of the bed next to her, so she could focus her full attention on the angel. She then pushed herself back so that her back could rest against the wooden headboard. "What is the main thing you're confused about?"

A part of her was slightly curious. She had once believed that angels had vast amounts of knowledge, that humans could go to them for answers and be give them. It seemed a little strange, if not adorable, that this situation was the other way around. She wanted to know what he was confused about, what he wanted to know. It would give her a bit of insight into how his mind worked.


	51. Chapter 51

It could be seen that he was somewhat showing faith that maybe somehow this.. internet.. whatever it was, could help him find his creator. He didn't know though about those who truly didn't believe and the variety of images that would instead pop up if one tried to search for God. He wasn't aware of any of this, but when she spoke, disappointment showed as he lowered his head.

He knew nothing of his location, not even a idea of where he would be. His head down, his eye's, it showed sadness. What faith in it that he had before, it seemed to disappear quickly. “I.. I don't have a location.. not even a clue of where he is..” Castiel would say out as he shook his head. Of course he would be stuck still wondering where he was.

His attention went back to her and the laptop, watching her click and things popped up. He was curious on all of this as he watched it. He hadn't ever used such a thing, not really. He had played with one of the brothers laptops but.. it was something he certainly would come to regret, big time. The question she now asked after moving a bit and placing the laptop again, he wanted to say God, but that he knew was not something he could get a answer for.

Angels, they were full of knowledge, but it was a tad different then what humans would expect. Castiel had been around for a long time, what he knew was now what one would call.. obsolete. He hadn't kept up with watching humans throughout the year's, he hadn't had the chance, he had other jobs to do back in Heaven. But so many things now, he didn't understand. None of it it seemed. “Your brothers.. they talk of these references I don't understand.. something about a Delorean once.. something that had to do with time travel.. I didn't understand that. I suppose that confuses me.. one of the many things that confuse me”

What mainly confused him.. if he could figure that out, which was rather difficult he would certainly tell her. Perhaps if her question was more specific. Had she meant what they had discussed lately, what of that confused him? Or anything in particular? He wasn't sure. 

Castiel looked saddened at the fact that finding God wasn't something the internet was particularly useful for. The way he lowered his head and his eyes, it pulled at her heart strings. With a sad smile, the blonde reached across and took his larger hand in hers. She wanted him to have faith again, she wanted him to find God. "We'll find him, sweetie. Sooner or later.."

What else could she say? She wouldn't have the faintest idea where to start searching for God. Perhaps, it would be an idea to take him to a church, to see if a priest could offer the angel the spiritual guidance that she couldn't?

Then, he spoke of the Delorean and time travel. Rachel's eyebrows knotted together in confusion for a moment. Just what had Sam and Dean been filling Castiel's head with? She wracked her brain for a long moment, before the answer pinged to the front of her mind. "They're trying to be a smart-ass, making references from a film." It was just like her eldest brother to quote Back To The Future. It had been his favorite film growing up. "If I make it back after dealing with Pestilence, I promise I'll find the film and let you watch it.."

Hell, the blonde would let the angel log in to her Netflix account and watch all the films he desired if she came back alive. At least he would slowly start to understand the references that her brothers were so fond of dishing out..

"But, I didn't mean.. I meant what are you confused about within yourself? You said you had feelings, but you didn't quite understand them.."


	52. Chapter 52

Saddened by the fact that another thing such as the internet failed in helping him seeking out his father, his very creator.. finding out where he was and finding the answers he needed from him, was.. impossible, certainly it showed on his face as he lowered his head at that moment. Her smaller hand in his own, her voice, her word's trying to reassure him that they would at some point find him, he would look to her, a slight smile appearing for a second.

Now a church.. those he knew of, he knew many things like that. Priests he knew of quite well too. Yet, even they wouldn't know where to find God. They would likely just say he's in one's heart if you let him in, and or say to look to the bible for answers that he needed answered. If anything that would likely just be strange for him. An angel asking a human priest for such a thing. But would it really hurt? He wasn't honestly sure.

The eldest Winchester was always making some reference to a movie or even music, neither were things that the angel understood and he knew well enough that Dean knew this, and was just making things difficult as humans tended to do, always complicating things. His head tilted as he heard her spoke now. “No if... you will return.” the angel would say with confidence in his voice. What she did know was he planned on helping, how.. he wasn't sure, yet.

Unaware of movies, music.. the internet.. Netflix, things that humans seemed to highly enjoy, perhaps in due time he would start to understand it all if he stayed around long enough, if he survived long enough to watch or listen to much of any of it, or even surf the world wide web if he were to ever find a reason to do so. He wasn't sure on any of it but at some point maybe it would all be more clear for him.

His attention on her, his blue orbs upon her as he heard her speak up again. More specific this time around, as to what she had meant by her last question. His feelings, what of those had him confused. All of them had him confused and puzzled. He didn't understand how to explain it so well. “I feel.. angry.... sad.... confused... alone...” the one's he felt the most. Yet, why? Why was he feeling them? Angels never had the chance to feel any of this before. “I feel.. nervous... sometimes I feel extremely happy... flushed..” a few other of the feelings he had come to feel, and yet again he didn't understand any of it. "I think are the correct word's to.. describe them" 

The angel was confident that she would return, however the blonde was not so sure. This would be the first time she had actively hunted a Horseman. She didn't know what to expect, other than what her brothers had told her, that they were difficult to overthrow - and to take possession of their rings at any cost, their powers were held in their rings. There would more than likely be a few demons keeping the Horseman company, possibly more than a few considering Pestilence probably knew the siblings were going after him next. If Rachel did return, she would consider herself extremely lucky..

"Remember, Cas.. I'm expendable." She smiled sadly, giving his hand a slight squeeze as she did. "If it comes to a choice between my own survival or my brothers, then they'll win every single time.." They had to stop the Apocalypse, for the sake of humanity. Rachel wasn't about to stand in their way, wasn't going to stop them from doing their job.

The blonde listened quietly as Castiel spoke, told her his range of emotions that he couldn't understand. She had an idea why he felt angry, confused and alone. That had to be down to God's disappearance, his brothers and sisters hunting him down. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do to prevent that from happening. The only thing she could do was to help him defend himself. "Sweetie, please remember that you're never alone.. Not anymore. You've always got me, your Guardian Human perched on your shoulder." Rachel gently pushed herself off of the headboard and shifted herself a little closer towards the angel. "You've been through a lot, Cas.. With everything that has happened to you, is it a wonder that you feel angry and confused? You're angry with yourself, with a lot of your brothers and sisters for different reasons. And your confusion, that is probably down to God's leaving because for the first time you don't have a father to guide you.."

She could somewhat relate to Castiel's confusion. Her eldest brother had been the one who had brought her up, had sat her down and helped her with her homework, had taught her everything he knew about hunting and had been the person who had provided her with everything she needed. When he had died, Rachel felt as if she had nobody to guide her. She had been lost and confused. Sam's disappearance had made her angry, and as much as Bobby had tried to steer her on the right track, it just wasn't the same. Time, patience and faith were what had gotten her through her darkest of times.

"Just give it time. Those feelings are perfectly normal, they'll slowly start to go away as you come to terms with what has happened and what is going on with the world." She gave his hand another gentle squeeze.

The other feelings that Castiel had described; nervous, happy, flushed.. The blonde needed to dig a little deeper, question him a little more before she could give him a confident answer. "What are you doing when you feel the more pleasant feelings?" She asked, tilting her head a little as her blue eyes studied him.


	53. Chapter 53

Castiel was silent, his blue orbs upon the youngest of the Winchesters. He could tell that she seemed to not be so confident that she would return. No faith in it, so it seemed. He had thought of telling her that he would be part of this mission to retrieve the ring of the third horsemen. He knew well enough it wouldn't be easy, and with it being well.. Pestilence, he knew it would be the hardest to get.

Yet he had faith they would get the ring and one step closer to getting rid of Lucifer. Her uttered word's now.. he was not thrilled at all to hear such a thing come from her. “Don't you ever say that again. I do not want to hear those word's out of your mouth again. I won't say that twice” It was never good when Castiel said something along those lines, but then again he wouldn't hurt her, no, but he didn't want to hear her say that.

The slight squeeze to his hand, he could still feel it after what she said. But, no way would he allow her to sacrifice herself, even if it was for her brothers. Hearing her speak up once more, explaining in her best way possible, why he likely felt the way he did. She was right.. for him it was hard for him to know if that was truly it at first, with his mind so clouded.

The part of God, to guide him being around.. here he would speak up. “Guiding me, he did in a sense.. but he was never really around me to begin with. Only a few angels have actually seen God. I don't... even know what he looks like. Yet I.. do what I need to for him.. even though I have never seen my own father, my own creator”

The two had something in common, the lack of a father. Yet she had others to help her as she grew. For Castiel, he did have that to an extent, but most things in Heaven he figured out on his own. It was how things were meant to be. A deep breath coming from him now as she got closer to him. She had a point now, he was.. no longer alone. For so long he had felt like that, with his own family at war with each other, and at times the Winchesters well, they weren't always on good terms, yet what she said, eased him.

Another gentle squeeze, as he looked upon her. The talk of patience, something he seemed to lack most of the time, with what was going on.. time was not exactly on their side. “I hope it goes away quickly.. I have other things I need to worry about.. to deal with.. or.. bad things will happen” Castiel would say out as he tried to keep himself calm.

The question she now asked of him, required him to think a tad on what had him feel the more pleasant of feelings. “Nervous, I have felt that a few times when in a... awkward situation, one that happened with Dean awhile back, the others.. well.. one was before I disappeared for awhile, when we talked about a certain.. topic” He would pause for a moment.

“Happy.. I tend to feel that when I accomplish something.. defending any of you, or learning something new or being around those I care for, like you, Dean, Sam and even Bobby” He would say out before pausing at the last feeling he had mentioned, being flushed.. blushing. That one he didn't even know how to explain. “The last one.. I.. seem to have that one happen when around you. I am.. unsure why” 

The blonde Winchester blinked her blue eyes a number of times, as Castiel's words stunned her. He didn't like her words, how she had told him that she was expendable? He really didn't like it, even going so far as to demanding that she never spoke those words again. Was he angry with her because she had said those words? She didn't think so, his blue orbs didn't show any signs of anger. Rachel had no idea how to respond to his demands, but she simply nodded her head twice.

It was almost as if he couldn't bear to hear her say those words, show no faith that she would return with her brothers. She didn't. It was her first case in a long time where she would actually do something practical, rather than sit back at the motel ready to answer the phone to give Sam and Dean any information they needed. What if she messed up?

In a way, it made some form of sense that Castiel had not met God, or laid eyes on him. She had always imagined God to be busy, too busy to visit each of his thousands of angels. Even so, it did strike her as strange how the angel felt so lost and confused without the guidance of someone he hadn't met.. But, that would possibly be a question for another time. The blonde didn't want to upset Castiel, and she had a feeling that bringing up and questioning his loyalty for a father he had not even seen would do just that. Instead, she focused her attention on what the angel spoke of next..

Castiel had answered his own questions with regards to his feelings of nervousness and happiness. They mainly focused around the Winchester family, which was a nice thing for Rachel to hear. She was glad that they were able to make the angel happy. However, she was slightly curious as to what her eldest brother had done a few weeks previously that had left him nervous. If she knew her brother, which she did, it would more than likely involve a strip club or a prostitute - neither of those things brought much comfort to Rachel. In fact, they made her slightly jealous..

He was unsure why he felt flushed whenever he was around her. The blonde pressed her lips together tightly as she thought. "Well, is it a good feeling or a bad feeling? Being flushed around me?" She asked, her own nerves starting to rumble in her chest. "If its a bad feeling, it means that I'm embarrassing you and making you feel awkward.. If its a good feeling, then it might mean that you have the same feelings towards me as I do for you.."


	54. Chapter 54

The angel's blue orbs, they were unreadable at this time as he looked upon the blonde Winchester who seemed to be taken aback by what he had just said. He wasn't angry with her, no. He was just a tad upset she would think so little of herself, think of herself in such a way... he didn't like it. Yet, he could relate. He had spoken like that not that long ago.

He noticed she had stayed silent, merely nodding her head to what he had just said. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. She seemed to have no faith in herself, doubted herself.. he really could relate to that in many ways. Seemed they shared that. Yet, he believed she would be useful, not just looking up and researching stuff for them, but getting involved. Perhaps another set of hands would make things much better, even if it was dangerous.

Loyal to a father.. to the one who created him, who he never saw.. it was likely a strange thing. Was he following blindly? Perhaps some would think as such, but it was something else.. that he couldn't explain, it was hard for any angel to explain. All he knew was that it was the path he had been set on. His loyalty though, was at the moment a bit questionable. He was doing what he thought would be best for Heaven, while he was disobeying other angels.. It was a difficult thing to discuss and had it been brought up, he likely would have broken down or worse.

Castiel understood maybe some of what he felt, while not fully.. he had a slight idea. Now what the youngest Winchester didn't know was that Dean, the eldest of the three had actually discussed with the angel, women and well in the end it resulted in Dean trying to get him laid, taking him to a strip club, finding a woman and well, it backfired. Castiel ended up telling the woman he had encountered, that it wasn't her fault that her father had left when she was younger, which seemed to freak her out and she screamed for the two of them to leave.

That was at least one moment he remembered that had embarrassed him or made him nervous. Now, he hadn't a clue that mentioning Dean and well without telling her, she had become a bit jealous, certainly wasn't something he would expect. What she asked him next, he was trying to figure out what the last feeling may have meant. Was it a good feeling or a bad one? Well he had been slightly embarrassed when in the tub the one night, but then again being seen without clothes on was new to him, was that bad? He hadn't a clue. Everything else, he tried to think hard on that.

“I.. I was.. slightly embarrassed with.. well.. when I was in the tub, but that is mostly because I'm not used to..” He couldn't exactly figure out how to explain himself as he darted his eye's around, which he did when nervous. “The rest.. I.. I think it was good? I am still trying to figure that out”

Why hadn't he told her that he was embarrassed when she had put him in the bath-tub? The blonde raised a hand to her face, covering her features as a feeling of guilt quickly washed over her. If the angel had said something, she would've left him to it. All she had done was try to help soothe the pain he had been in, all those wounds and bruises that had littered his skin. He should've told her to leave..

"I am so sorry.."

Rachel closed her eyes, mentally scolding herself for being so stupid, for being so caring. Had she been so concerned for him that she had missed a look of discomfort? Maybe it wasn't a good idea to inform him that she hadn't seen 'anything', that she had been so preoccupied with making sure that the angel was taken care of..

"You should've told me to leave! I have this annoying habit of over-staying my welcome.."

Her phone pinged on the nightstand next to her bed, saving the blonde digging herself into a deeper hole. She reached across to grab the device and unlocked it. Sam had text her, they were leaving in ten minutes.. Rachel hadn't even noticed the time, she had been far too preoccupied with trying to get the angel the answers he was looking for. Was it really that time already?

Her blue eyes looked back to Castiel, and she offered him a sad smile. It was a pity that their time together had been so short, but she guessed that was just the way things were supposed to be. "I need to get dressed, we're leaving in ten minutes.." A wave of sadness washed over her, instantly replacing the guilt she had felt. The blonde hoped that the angel was right, that she would return after the hunt. It didn't seem fair that she should develop such feelings for him if her life would end that day. She wanted to come back to him, tell him that he was right and help him finally get to the bottom of his feelings.

Rachel reluctantly let go of Castiel's hand as she pushed herself off of the bed and onto her feet, before she walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She had already laid out a change of clothes over the edge of the bath, just in case she had over slept. Her brothers had planned to return back to the motel when they were finished with the hunt, so there was no point in packing up all of her stuff. She changed in silence, the weight of what could happen weighing heavily on her shoulders, before she emerged from the bathroom wearing her usual jeans and shirt.


	55. Chapter 55

His face seemed to turn slightly pink, as she looked to him, and hearing her say she was sorry.. she shouldn't have been. No, it wasn't a bad thing.. it was just a new experience for him certainly. “No.. don't be sorry.. I didn't mean it as a bad thing.. I'm just not used to that sort of thing.. while I was slightly embarrassed, what you did for me.. it helped me”

What she had done, it had helped him more than he could probably ever say in word's. Word's likely weren't enough. If it hadn't been for that, he likely would have been in some rather rough shape. He watched as she now closed her eye's, the way she was acting, he had a feeling she was likely thinking badly for what she had done, but he hoped what he said had changed that maybe.

“Don't think badly for what you did.. I just, being an angel, we've never.. well I've never.. been in such a situation as that” He would admit, his face still a slight shade of pink as he looked away for a moment. “You.. didn't over-stay your welcome, and I shouldn't have said that.. I..” what he wanted to say, it was not something for an angel to admit, or say to another that wasn't his own kind. “I needed.. you, I felt slightly embarrassed for being in such a.. horrible state, but you helped me, when I knew others wouldn't”

Time seemed to always go by so quickly when one was occupied with something. Spending time with someone, is when time seemed to go by the quickest. He had noticed this sort of feeling the longer he had stayed on Earth. It was, strange to him. In Heaven and even in Hell.. time went by so.. slowly, no matter what. Weeks on earth was months in either place, months on earth would be year's.. yet it always felt so slow.

The text, he had seen it. He knew it was almost time. Neither Winchester had contacted him, not yet anyhow. Not that they needed to. He would try to help them. “I.. I will leave you to that. I shall see you soon..” He would watch her, she seemed to not want to go, or let go of his hand before she went to get changed, it was once she went into the bathroom he would vanish. Of course it was smart that he did.. he had been very close to being found...

Raphael, capturing the angel.. and it didn't take long, had done rather a lot of brutal things to him, and when done, he would reappear on earth.. but he wasn't fully... himself at the moment. No, he was.. somewhat.. human. He wasn't too far from where the Winchester brothers were headed. 

The journey to the retirement home had mostly been silent. Dean and Sam had spent the best part of twenty-minutes going over their plan with their little sister, before the three siblings fell into a comfortable silence. The only sound that could be heard was the roar of the Impala's engine, even the radio had been switched off. Rachel had found herself in favor of her brothers plan, silently acknowledging the fact that the pair of them had put a lot of faith in her to get the job done, giving her the job of being the one to take the ring from the Horseman. She had accepted her responsibilities, and had accepted the dagger from Sam.

As she sat in her usual place in the backseat, the blonde pressed her forehead against the window, her blue eyes staring out at the scenery as Dean broke the speed limit. She had been a little disheartened when she had left the bathroom to find her room empty. She hadn't managed to say goodbye to Castiel, hadn't managed to ask him to promise her that he would make sure he stayed safe..

Dean pulled up in the parking lot of the retirement home. Still in silence, the three Winchester siblings jumped out of the Impala and made their way to the main entrance of the building. "Remember, we need that ring." The eldest sibling turned his green eyes to look at his little sister, his heart heavy knowing that he had asked such a big request from her. "No matter what happens, none of us leave here without it.."

Rachel nodded her head slowly, as she tightened her grip around the handle of the dagger. Her heart raced inside her chest and her stomach turned on itself as both of her brothers pushed open the main wooden doors. The three of them strode down the corridor, walking with their heads high as they feigned confidence. As soon as they turned a corner, the three siblings were set upon by two demons. The blonde held back for a short moment as Sam and Dean ran forward, each taking a demon and leaving her with a clear path to continue down the corridor.

She broke into a run as she bolted down the corridor as fast as her legs could take her. It was strange, Dean hadn't told her where she would find the Horseman, but her gut told her where to go. As she ran, Rachel felt whatever bravery her body possessed bubble in the pit of her stomach.

She could do this..

She could do this..

The blonde burst into the furthest room on the right hand side, just in time to see one of the home's doctors kill an elderly woman. Her jaw dropped with shock. He looked, human. She had been expecting something a bit more extravagant, a little more Horseman-like. Her eyebrows knotted together as she took in the gentleman. Had she got the wrong room? Had she accidentally stumbled in on a simple murder? Her mind ran through all the possibilities whilst her gut told her otherwise. No, standing in front of her was in fact Pestilence. Her blue eyes momentarily lowered to his hand to see the ring she required sat in place on his finger.

It was definitely him..

"You must be Winchester number three, the sister.." The Horseman spoke, as he removed his glasses from his face to give them a quick wipe, removing the puss from them. He then turned his head towards Rachel, focusing his entire attention on her. His beady eyes watched her closely for a moment, before his brow furrowed in confusion. "You appear to be, healthy.." His statement confused the blonde as she stood still, allowing herself to catch her breath. Of course she was healthy, why wouldn't she be? Her blue eyes watched as the Horseman quickly turned the ring on his finger, his confusion quickly turning into frustration. "No matter.."

The youngest of the Winchester siblings stood her ground, her grip tight on the dagger in her hand as Pestilence slowly moved closer towards her. Silently, she reminded herself to be brave as the Horseman placed the palm of his hand upon her chest. The pair of them stood in silence for a long moment, both mirroring each other's expressions of confusion.

"You seem to be immune.." The Horseman spoke, his voice trembling slightly as the palm of his hand remained upon her chest, feeling the blonde's heart pounding underneath his fingertips. "Your heart is such a peculiar thing. It is strong, and yet, it will shatter before the cage is sealed.."

He spoke in riddles, something that had always highly annoyed the young blonde Winchester. She couldn't help but roll her blue eyes at his words, an long sigh escaped her lips as she did so. Sam and Dean had warned her that Pestilence would more than likely be more dangerous to deal with then the two Horsemen they had previously faced. And yet, he had not raised a hand to hurt her. He had obviously tried to do something to her, something that involved twisting the ring on his finger. That had failed, and now he spoke to her in riddles... "What do you mean?"

Maybe, if Rachel hadn't asked the simple, and what she thought was harmless question, perhaps what happened next wouldn't have happened. The Horseman gathered a handful of her shirt and pulled the blonde flush against his body, a sly grin appearing on his features. "Watch.." He muttered under his breath, before he pressed his lips roughly against hers...

The images that flooded the blonde's mind were terrifying, played to her as if they were short snippets of a film trailer. She saw a cemetery, Bobby laying dead on the floor, Dean pressed up against the Impala battered and bruised.. Sam's attention was on Castiel, his fingers snapped.. She saw herself placing her own body between her older brother and the angel, a sharp explosive pain erupting in her chest..


	56. Chapter 56

Castiel, had slightly been drained of his powers.. he was for a little while, human. Or as close to it as he possibly could be. He was weak, he was sore, injured and could barely move. He had found himself laying in a hospital bed, just down the road from the retirement home that the horsemen and the Winchesters would be at.. he wanted to call them, yet he was still so unfamiliar on how to even use the phone.

He couldn't fly, he couldn't just appear somewhere. He couldn't heal.. when he realized this, he felt.. useless. A occupied vessel with no power.. not a speck of angel left in him, so it seemed anyhow. Laying there, he hoped.. he wanted to even pray that somehow the Winchesters were alright.

It was here he would find himself crawling out of the bed, dragging himself along.. what he had been through, he had felt pain, but to not be able to heal as quickly.. it was painful, but he fought through it. He had to.. he needed to. He had left before saying goodbye to Rachel, he hadn't known this would happen. Once again he felt bad for leaving but he had planned to have things planned before the three showed up. That, had failed.

Something within Castiel, told him that he needed to get to the retirement home and quick.. he had been forced to use a bus, as his way of transportation, something he had never done before in his life. It was strange.. as he struggled to get on and even off of it. Dean and Sam.. they had already gone in, Rachel too.. Castiel saw the Impala as soon as he got off the bus.

He moved as fast as he could, as much as he could.. down the hall and past the demons that had been taken out. He had even found Sam and Dean, in a sick like state.. Pestilence was near.. He turned the corner, into the door he came, leaning against it slightly to keep himself upright.. Pestilence, his powers made the powerless angel fall to his knees, blood coming from his mouth as Pestilence now noticed him.

Pestilence: “What's this? A occupied vessel with no power? You must not have a speck of angel left in you..” He spoke out as he broke away from the youngest Winchester, yet he had a grasp on her. The very sight, it had been enough for Castiel to react.

“Just a speck!” Was all he would say out before he took his angel blade, cutting the finger off of the horsemen, the ring attached to it as he grabbed it. Uttered word's came from the horsemen, but Castiel hadn't been able to hear it before passing out from pain. He now was starting to realize how painful it was to be.. human. 

"It doesn't matter, its already too late!"

The blonde hadn't noticed that she had released her grip on the dagger her brother had given her. She held her head in her hands as she fell to her knees, the images that the Horseman had shown her played constantly in her mind on a loop.. She didn't notice her older brothers stumble into the room behind her, she didn't notice Castiel passed out on the floor mere feet from her.

"Rach? Rachel?" Sam took a firm grip of her shoulders as he knelt down at her side, his face full of concern as he watched his little sister slowly rocking her body back and forth, her eyes shut tightly. He gently shook her. "Rachel!"

Her body stopped rocking, her blue eyes blinked themselves open as she slowly came back into focus. She dropped her hands from the sides of her head as she placed her attention on her brother knelt beside her.

"We need to go.."

The blonde nodded her head slowly at Sam's words, as he helped her to his feet. Out of the corner of her eye, Rachel watched Dean gently but effectively hoist the unconscious angel onto his shoulder, quickly putting the ring into his jacket pocket as he did. The eldest sibling made the silent gesture for everyone to move out. And they did, in silence. Dean carried the unconscious Castiel out to the parked Impala, whilst Sam walked alongside his little sister, his trained eyes watching her closely.

The car ride back was uneventful. Of course, Dean drove and Sam rode shotgun. They had Bobby on loud-speaker as they went over the events at the retirement home in as much detail as they could. Both Rachel and Castiel rode in the back. The angel was still out cold, but the blonde was very much awake. The images would not leave her mind. As much as she tried to concentrate on watching the world go by out of the window, she could not shake what Pestilence had shown her. She rested her hot forehead on the cold window as she pulled Sam's jacket tighter around her.

What did it all mean? How was it all connected? The Horseman had told her that her heart would shatter before the cage sealed. He had shown her clips of her family broken, bleeding and dead..


	57. Chapter 57

What the Horsemen had said.. none of them would figure out right away. The angel, the powerless angel hadn't heard any of that, from Pestilence, but had he.. maybe he would have known better of what he said.. maybe but it was hard to tell. He had no idea of what he had missed, what had fully happened between Pestilence and Rachel, but he knew it was nothing good, he had known that from even seeing the position she was in, for a second.

His own actions, it could have cost him his life, or what life he possibly had left. The Winchester brothers were no longer feeling the ill effects done by the horsemen, as they rushed into the room, seeing both their sister and Castiel, neither of them knowing what had happened. Sam going to his sisters aid, she had seen some horrible images.. ones that would likely have her in a bad state for some time.

Still out cold from the fight.. the beating and the horrible things done by Raphael, and from the illness that had been the last his body, his vessel could take once he had helped in taking the ring from the third horsemen Pestilence. He knew the risk as soon as he realized he was more or less.. human. He knew the risk and he took it. He did it all for them, always for them without even hesitating.

Lifted up and put into the backseat of the Impala, out as they drove back, an un-eventful ride back, with everyone trying to figure out what the next plan was, what Pestilence even meant. Of course one more person would come into play here, the king of the crossroads himself, Crowley. It would be him that would help them find out what they would need to know and do next, certainly would be a thing to remember, when it happened.

Castiel wouldn't awake for quite some time, as images came and went in his mind. He was seeing images of.. perhaps the future. Michael.. in a different body.. the face was a blur, he couldn't tell just who it was but it certainly wasn't Dean Winchester.. who was it? Lucifer.. he was still in his other body, Sam hadn't said yes.. but there was more.. but it was fading in and out.. he needed to see more, but it faded to black. What did it all mean? 

It didn't take a genius to figure out that something was wrong with the youngest of the Winchester siblings. She had lost that 'spark' that made her Rachel, she was constantly on edge, she couldn't stand to be in the same room alone with Sam and she poured more of herself into her research then ever before. The eldest of the siblings had suggested that he'd spend a few nights in his little sister's room, sleeping on the couch so he could give up his own bed for their angel friend.

Castiel needed rest, and a lot of it. Neither of the brothers could recall seeing the angel follow them into the retirement home, they had been too preoccupied believing that they were about to die. They had stumbled across Castiel and their little sister in the same room, him unconscious and her in some form of distress. But, they had Pestilence's ring. There was only one more to hunt down - Death's..

So, the blonde cracked on with trying to figure out a way to hunt down Death. She locked herself away in her room, only moving from her bed to allow her eldest brother into the room at night, to go next door to see Cas or to use the toilet. The bed-sheets were littered with books and scrolls, almost every piece of writing and information that she owned. Her own notebooks were full of notes, written in her rushed handwriting, and were starting to pile on the floor beside her bed. She couldn't sleep. Every time Rachel closed her eyes, the images would return along with the questions that followed them.

She wanted to see Castiel as often as she could, even though he couldn't even register her being there. She wanted to make sure that he was okay. If she could, the blonde would spend hours sitting next to him holding his hand, her thumb drawing faint patterns in his skin as she mumbled nonsense to him. However, whenever Sam entered the room without Dean, she would quickly leave and retreat back into her own room, locking the door behind her.


	58. Chapter 58

It was strange how Castiel had certainly just all of a sudden become.. human. Questions likely would need answering for that at a much later time, whenever he awoke.. if he awoke. His wounds seemed to heal rather slowly. Much slower than a human's would even. Castiel hadn't a clue of what was going on, but he wasn't exactly 'out' his vessel was, but deep within he was suffering. Images played over and over..

He hadn't a clue what was happening, but he knew deep down something wasn't right. What was wrong? Why couldn't he wake up? Why?! He could sense things were just not right, yet there were moments he felt a presence, it wasn't Sam or Dean, while they both did look after him at times it was likely Rachel he could detect, looking after him for hours and he could feel when she left.

The hunt for Death, that would involve help.. but before they could do that they needed to find out what Pestilence meant, which had Bobby involved and soon enough, Crowley would appear. That would get the Winchester brothers and sister onto a goose chase more or less for the product that the 'stable boy' as Crowley called the man, or demon that had been close to the horsemen, they needed to find it before it was sent out.. but that wouldn't come easy, no. Crowley had found a way to take Bobby's soul, well as 'insurance' as he had stated, of course there was more to it from the King of the crossroads.

Yet he had allowed him to walk again, which was in a sense.. 'nice' of Crowley to do before they would be given the information they needed for that, yet the group would need to split up. It would be Crowley and Dean looking for Death, while Sam, Rachel, Bobby and.. if he was awake, Castiel, out to stop the product from being shipped. Yet research on Death, the last and final horsemen would be needed before anything would happen.

He wasn't sure how long it had been, until he awoke.. slowly awaking from almost a coma like state. Castiel, tried his hardest to show some sign of angel like powers, but it was useless. He was stuck as a human for now, he felt useless.. what help would he be? He wasn't exactly sure what was going on, what was being planned, but what he did know was he needed to know what Rachel's condition was. He couldn't just 'appear' like he had previously.

Moving off of the bed, using the wall to keep himself upright as he regained some strength, before making his way from the one room to the door of Rachel's, or so he thought it was hers, his right hand lifted, and a slight knock would come from him as he leaned somewhat against the wall, near the door.

The black circles under her once bright blue eyes proved to the world just how exhausted the young blonde truly was. How long had it been since she had slept? Days? Maybe a week? She dared not to close her eyes, fearing the images would return. She dared not stop. Keeping her mind busy, keeping on top of the mountains of research and note-making seemed to do the trick for her.

A knock on the door quickly drew her attention. Her bloodshot eyes snapped up from the heavy book on her lap. Dean wasn't due back till later on that evening, if he was coming back that evening. There had been talks of packing up the motel rooms and heading over to Bobby's place. Pressing her lips together, the blonde pushed the book off of her lap and slipped off of the bed. Her bare feet padded the wooden floor as she slowly made her way across the room to the door.

Unsure who her visitor was, Rachel quickly slid the chain across the door, before she turned the key in the lock and gently eased open the door wide enough so she could see who had disturbed her from her work.

"Cas?" His name fell from her lips in an exhausted gasp. When had he woken up? The blonde pushed the door closed, unlocked the chain before she pulled the door open once more. Her blue eyes took in his appearance. He looked a little better then what he had done when they had all arrived back at the motel a few nights previously. He was leaning on the wall, was he unsteady on his feet? "How are you feeling?"


	59. Chapter 59

How long had Castiel been out? Hours? Days? Weeks? He couldn't quite pinpoint that once he had awoken. What he did know was that somehow he had managed to live, was brought to a hotel room, by who? The scent of Dean he could pick up on that, seemed the eldest Winchester had helped him when he was out. Most reasonable thing he could at least think of before he had started to even move.

So much had been said, discussed and would be happening soon enough. They would be heading to Bobby's soon.. this he had no idea of, yet. Now awake he would likely be filled in by one of the siblings on all of this, perhaps by Rachel. He leaned against the wall, trying to keep himself upright still once he had knocked on the door. His body.. it felt so much weaker then what he had ever experienced before.

Perhaps that was due to having no speck of angel left in him. Now, he hadn't lost his grace.. had he, the feeling would have been something he wouldn't have forgotten, so how was any of this.. possible? One of the Winchester brothers would have likely said something along the lines of him being out of batteries or something likely, of which he wouldn't have understood.

The door opened now, he could hear Rachel moving, hesitating to open the door likely. Yet he understood that, he knew why.. if he were in her shoes he would have likely been the same way. His name said, in a exhausted gasp as his blue orbs looked upon hers. He could tell she was a bit shocked to see him, likely wondering when he had woken up. The door closed for a moment as she unlocked it before opening it to allow him in.

Leaning against the wall still, he did look.. perhaps a tad better. The question asked of him, he was unsure how to answer, fully. “I feel.. I can't find the word's to describe it, but everything hurts?” What he looked like once again covered by clothes, after what Raphael had done. Far worse then what Michael had done.. but it hadn't been for answers, it had happened merely because the archangel was angry with him. “How.. are you feeling?” He would question, yet he had a feeling an answer would not fully come from her. 

The way that the angel lent against the wall, the slight flinches in his eyes and on his lips, it told the blonde just how much pain he was actually in. Her stomach dropped a little as her forehead furrowed as she frowned a little. Why was he walking around if he was in so much pain? She wanted to hug him, look after him like she had always done. She wanted to make sure that he was in the least amount of pain as she could possibly manage. But, perhaps a hug wasn't the best idea. Her blue eyes had caught sight of a few of his injuries when she had gone to visit him. She just hadn't dared to check out the extent of his injuries.

Castiel had asked her how she was feeling, causing her eyebrows to knot together. The blonde didn't want to worry him, but she didn't want to lie to him either. She could remember the last time she had kept something from the angel.. "I'm, just tired.." It wasn't exactly a lie. Rachel was exhausted, and it showed on her features. "Too much to do, not enough time to do it.."

She stepped to one side, indicating to Castiel that he was more than welcome to come in her room. The blonde folded her arms gently across her chest, pulling her cardigan tighter around her.

"We're tracking down Death.." Rachel announced, as she made her way back over to her bed, settling herself back down among her books and papers. ".. Bobby dragged Crowley into the job, we've also got a massive supply of Croat virus about to be shipped around the world.." Her blue eyes blinked rapidly as they scanned the pieces of paper and the open books. She had lost the book she had been reading when the angel had knocked on the door. The blonde ran her fingers through her blonde hair out of frustration.

She wanted to get this over and done with. She wanted to be able to sleep. The research piles never seemed to dwindle, despite how many books and scrolls she went through. She wanted to be able to focus her attention of Castiel, give him the care he needed.


	60. Chapter 60

The angel was trying his hardest to ignore the very pain he felt, he tried to hide the flinching, the pain in his facial expression and his eye's. Yet it seemed no matter how much he tried to do that, it seemed to be a failed attempt and he knew she could tell, he could see it in her own facial expression that she could tell. The frown on her face, that told him enough. While he was in pain, he was never one to stay down, even when he was a angel, he wouldn't stay down. That would change now even in a state like this and being.. human.

Castiel's blue orbs upon her. He watched her closely, he could tell how her eyebrows knotted together, that she was a bit hesitate on telling him everything. She had said that she was tired, which was half of the truth, something told him that there more than that... but what? He could also tell she was quite exhausted. She hadn't slept.. this, pointed to something indeed. “You.. you're not telling the whole truth.” He would respond with, as he continued to lean against the wall.

She was right on one thing though, there was way too much to do and not enough time to do it. On a daily basis more and more was going with the horsemen and Lucifer.. while he was not a angel at this moment, he could still tell so many things were not good, it didn't take a genius or an angel to sense that. His attention on her as she moved to the side, which told him he could come into the room.

Her next word's, speaking of the last and final horsemen, that would be tricky and it was no surprise to him that Bobby or anyone for that matter had pulled Crowley into this, the King of the crossroads. He did seem a bit surprised at the Croat virus though, slightly. Made sense now on why Pestilence wasn't much of a fight. It was then he thought back on that and what he had seen before using what strength he had left to cut the horsemen's finger off.

“Pestilence.. he did something to you..” He would say out. More like blurted out. While the rest of this stuff was on his mind and important, that, that had come from him. So much had happened in a matter of, how long he had been out, which he was still unsure of.

Of course she wasn't telling him everything. There really wasn't any point in worrying him when he had his own stresses and problems to deal with. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to be open and honest with him, tell him what had happened, what she had seen and how those images had terrified her to no end. The angel would more than likely be able to help her figure out what it all meant.

And then, Castiel mentioned Pestilence..

All the colour in her face drained as her blue eyes widened at the very name. After what had happened back in the retirement home, she had hoped to have never heard the Horseman's name again.

Rachel could still smell the rotting flesh that filled her nose when the Horseman had pulled her close to him, she could still remember the nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach when he had pressed his lips against hers. The blonde could also remember the angel being in the room. She hadn't seen him enter, but she could vaguely remember him lying on the floor just feet away from her.

"What did you see?" Her voice shook as she turned her attention onto Castiel.


	61. Chapter 61

It was rather obvious to the angel that the youngest of the Winchesters didn't want to tell him what had happened, but it wasn't because she didn't want to but because she didn't want to worry him. Though he was human, it didn't take him much to perhaps realize such a thing. Though, telling him maybe would have helped, so he thought. Would he pressure her into telling him? Without his powers, and well being weaker than what he was used to, doing that would be rather difficult.

It was once he actually mentioned the name of the horsemen, Pestilence, that the blonde's eye's would widen, and all color from her face seemed to be drained. This told him nothing good had indeed good came from the experience, the moment she had with him. He remained silent, unsure of what to say to this point as he watched her reaction of just him uttering the name Pestilence.

He remembered bits and pieces of what had happened.. from the moment he got off of the bus, to entering the building, finding the older Winchester brothers in sickly states in the hallway, while he fought to get into the room in his own horrible state, he had somehow made it into the room and even used what he had left of his strength to cut the ring off, everything else,, it was blurry. He had seen Pestilence, and how close he had been to Rachel, but he had missed a bit before that, and everything else was blank for him, up until now.

The question she now asked him, what had he seen. With the blurry images in his mind, he spoke. “I.. I remember.. seeing Sam and Dean.. struggling in the hallway, ill.. I struggled past them, until I came into the doorway, I saw him.. I saw you, in his grasp against the wall, I remember.. what he said to me.. before I cut his finger.. the rest is blank” Castiel would come to admit. He hadn't seen everything between the two of them, but he had seen enough to know, nothing good could come from it. 

Her blue eyes fell to the mountains of books on her bed. She blinked a few times before her eyebrows knotted together. Castiel had seen Pestilence, had seen her pushed against the wall. He hadn't seen anything before that. Perhaps that was for the best..

Dean had spoken to her about how both he and Sam had fallen ill in the hallway, the both of them falling to their knees as they believed the pain they felt would be their deaths. It had been Pestilence's powers that had caused that, which had made the blonde wonder why she hadn't been affected. As the Horseman had said, she seemed to be unaffected.. Then, he had spoken those few words that filled her with dread.

Her heart would shatter before the cage was sealed..

"He.." Rachel kept her blue eyes low, unable to look up at the angel. She had to tell him the truth. As much as she didn't want to worry Castiel, he would only fret if he knew something was wrong. She couldn't do that to him. "He told me something about my heart. And then, he kissed me." The blonde felt ashamed of that. The fact that she had allowed a Horseman to get the better of her, to get that close to her.. "He showed me images of everyone dying.."

The blue orbs of the angel watched as the blonde haired Winchester looked down at the pile of books before her, blinking a few times and staying silent, likely thinking as she did this. What was on her mind though? He couldn't tell, but it likely didn't help that he was in pain still and couldn't completely focus fully, as he watched her, while he stood in the room.

The older Winchester brothers could have likely died from the illness they were feeling from Pestilence, had the powerless angel not showed up sooner than he had and cut the finger from his hand, getting the ring. If he had taken just a few seconds or a minute longer, who would have known the very fate of the Winchester family. The very thought, it made him shake his head as he tried to get rid of those thoughts.

Rachel had been unaffected by Pestilence, why was that? But even Castiel had slightly noticed that before passing out from his injuries. Had he been the cause of that? No.. the mere protection symbol he left wouldn't do that, maybe there was something he didn't know, if he ever gained his powers back, if that could or would happen, he would try and find out what he didn't know of the youngest Winchester.

Then he heard it.. all of it. She had told him what had happened. While it disgusted him, not just the kiss but the entire thing, he tried to think of what the images could be regarding. Then it hit him.. he was showing her a glimpse into the future, well what he thought was the future. “What he showed you is what was written to happen with the tantrum my brother Lucifer is throwing and Michael and you all and.. myself being involved, what is thought to happen.. but we must change that” They had to change it. How? That was the thing. It would certainly be difficult.


	62. Chapter 62

Her blue eyes snapped up to the angel at his words, her eyebrows knotting together in confusion. She sat in silence for a long moment as her mind processed what he had just told her. Pestilence had shown her the future, her family's future. She should've known that. How was something so obvious staring her in the face, and she hadn't drawn the right conclusion. There was no point in mentally kicking herself. She had the answer, all she needed to do was figure out what she was going to do with it.

The blonde didn't think there was any point in telling Castiel what the Horseman had told her about her heart. It was more than likely just some rubbish he spewed out with to try to freak her out.. But, then again, the look in his dead eyes had told her otherwise.

She could feel her mind starting to slow down, as all the weight of the situation she had found herself in slowly dripped from her shoulders. Of course, allowing herself to relax enough to fall asleep was still out of the question. Those images would still be there, even if she knew what they now meant, they still freaked her out. However, if what Pestilence had shown her was the future as it stood right now, then that meant that she was somehow involved right at the end. Sam and Dean weren't going to leave her behind, or was she going to be determined to see out the end of the world at their side?

The pain in her chest that she had felt, what did that mean? The look in Sam's eyes when he clicked his fingers.. It didn't make sense.

Rachel shook her head a little as she forced herself to clear her mind. Her blue eyes blinked a number of times as Castiel came back into her focus. He looked hurt, his blue orbs showed that he was still in pain, no matter how much he tried to hide it from her. The blonde pushed herself to her unsteady feet. "Sweetie, you need to sit down and rest. You shouldn't be on your feet, you're still healing.." It was just like her to put the needs of others before her own.

It wasn't uncommon for a Demon or a Horsemen to show someone the 'future' or fate of someone. It was usually a way they used to get the upper hand. They usually did this to scare someone so much that they wouldn't be able to focus enough to change what they had been shown. That was the hope Pestilence had when he had actually shown her those images, that they would be enough to stop her and the Winchester family from changing everything.

It seemed to Castiel, she hadn't realized that right away, but she knew now and that was all that mattered. He remained silent as he watched her with his blue orbs. Seeing her reaction slightly. The way she looked, something else told him there was something still that she hadn't told him. Something deeper, but what? He couldn't seem to figure that out as he tilted his head, trying to think.

Castiel had seen these images, the same images.. well some of the same. The death of Sam.. his death.. that one he could barely explain in his own train of thought, and he even saw a glimpse of even Bobby Singer, all of them.. dead. Yet he had seen a glimpse of a badly hurt Dean and a glimpse of Rachel, both were.. alive? Where they alive? The images.. none of it had been fully clear. He had seen these images a few times now, and yet he couldn't make much sense of it.

His attention on her after the images faded from him once more. It was here he would hear her as she spoke up and stood. A shake of his head. Castiel wouldn't budge, not one to rest. He understood he had been through a lot, a lot that he hadn't even explained to anyone, nor did he even know how. But he knew one thing, he couldn't rest as this all happened, he needed to help. Some way.. some how.

“I can't. I need to find some way to help. I.. I feel useless no longer having..” He wasn't even sure what to say, with now being, more or less human. Shaking his head as he took a deep breath. “I need to do something to help with this..” Of course he hadn't a clue that a chance for him to help had been already discussed, with helping Sam and Bobby get rid of the virus.

**Author's Note:**

> This fan fiction is still quite the work in progress and at this time I'm not sure when the ending may be. I can say that this story also has a very nice video to go along with it, short as it is and the longer the fan fiction continues perhaps in the future more of those will show up on Youtube. This is a work by myself and a friend of mine who I credit for the character Rachel Winchester. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNBWI1XTA98


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